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Hallusinating
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Nothing but work

Permanent Linkby Hallusinating on Thu Jan 10, 2013 11:57 pm

The washing basement is ready for the tip.
There used to be two washing rooms adjoined in this building (that people from other blocks around could use), i only had to go down stairs to wash when i first moved in here.

We had a drying room with a fan that would heat almost everything in just one hour, and since we had two of everything we didn`t "starve"...
A few year ago one of the washing machines stopped working, so they closed that washing room.
Now we only have one which is shared by many and the fan there isn`t working so your clothes won`t dry for many days.
Even if you do get drying time in the horrible drying room, you might be the subject of a frustrated wife`s anger and she will then take down all your clothes while they are still wet. So the 30 min you spent hanging them up was futile.

Another thing that isn`t working is the brain of one of my neighbours, she thinks she is a raven and steals everything, including other peoples washing time, money, and drying racks.

Many times i have come down to find my clothes either too wet or too dry, depending on how much washing she needed to do in my paid machine.

She goes in there after you have put on a machine, takes out your clothes and puts her own in it.

Then she stops the machine when her clothes have had a bath and puts yours back in, so they might not get the centrifuge at the end, or the wash at the beginning?

When the heat fan in the drying room stopped working, the board got a dryer that is ecologically friendly, instead of using heat it sucks your clothes dry and uses less energy(?), which means less expenses for the board(even thou they increased the price by 100% for 7 years ago, a washing coin used to cost 1 pound, now it costs 2!)
Seriously my clothes would dry faster if i stood there breathing on them.

Now it takes clothes 3 days to dry.

We have complained about it but no changes were made.

Every time i go down to the washing basement there is a new problem.

Its old and belongs to the tip.

The janitor told me that they might close it in the future to make it in to flats instead, so they are not spending money to fix it.
Also since all the houses have got new façades in this area( a lot of blocks that belong to the same company, don`t know what you call it?) they have no pennies to use any more.

That has resulted in a cut down, they have now stopped sending over a compactor car that used to come every 3 months to drive away rubbish(not ordinary rubbish but furnitures, beds, shelves etc)

We had that free for many years but we now have to transport it away ourselves and that costs a lot of money.

Also the janitor told me that we have paid for that compactor car in our rent, but our rent will not go down because we are paying for the facade make over(which caused our rent to go up, think it was 24%?, some people moved because it got higher.)

Right now i feel as if i am paying a lot of money to live in a tip.

My kitchen dates back to the 60`s and i don`t have money to fix it, same goes for my bathroom, but that will lasts for a few more years i think.

I can`t move because i am in a "system" that won`t let me take up a new house loan, i am a temporary non worker which i have been for the last 10 years.

In England they call it the dull, its when you receive social security.
We have different levels of security.

They have made me wait for a permanent non worker status for 10 years, and still won`t give it to me, despite that i have tried everything to get a job.
Its not getting a job that is the problem, but managing to work.
I have a lot of health issues.

So i am still a temporary non worker which diminishes my rights and money.

So to "earn" money on me they keep me on that because they can save 100 pounds a month on it.

I have a friend who has less health issues then i have and she got the permanent status immediately when she got depressed.

I have tried for many years to get back into the shape i was 15 years ago, but i haven`t got it.

I used to work a lot before so i am not lazy.

I just have developed a lot of dumb problems/pains.

I have infections in both my arms that will arise if i am not careful, i got tennis elbow from being a secretary for 5 years and being an ice scooper for 2.

Then my knees are busted, i can`t sit on them without a pillow underneath. That problem started to occur when i was delivering the newspaper. I had to run up and down too many stairs.

Then i have back problems which began when i was standing on a hard ceramic floor in a fish/meat shop.
Its almost 20 years since my back problems began. I have a sick leave paper from my doctor dating back to 1998 where he tells my boss that i can`t lift heavy things.

That didn`t stop my boss from making me lift heavy boxes with fish, that weigh 15 kg.

Then i developed migraine because of the stress of working in a hospital and looking into a computer everyday.

While i was working there i had a high blood pressure that made one of the veins in my eye burst.

After that i started on a floral course in hopes of gaining new education.

While i was there i got diagnosed with plat feet, so i got some therapeutic soles to wear.
These soles put pressure on a nerve damage i have under one of my feet, so i ended up getting more back pain.
I have a nerve that goes up to the back and when this nerve is provoked it does something weird.

I think its a combination of the nerve damage, a bad back and the plat feet situation.
I can`t do jobs where i walk a lot, and i can`t do jobs where i sit a lot either, because i have another back problem too. I have kyfoses which means that my spine is a little bit bent forwards.
Its not really a serious matter(i don`t need an operation, i can live with it, mind you an operation would not be easy). Problem is that when i sit forward i get tired, neck and upper back gets stiff and then i get a migraine because of the neck stiffness.

To top it all of i also have dystoni in my hip that is getting worse. It has better days but can get very stiff, its a worn out hip that i think i got from all the walking i did in my first job.

So i used to work a lot, normally i would have 2 jobs(at the worst i had 4). So i used up all my energy.

I can`t stand over the counter and wrap in flowers all day, every day. If my arms work, then my shoulder/ back doesn`t and i get very stiff.

I can`t work for an organisation that collects money for the needy either- i had that job after my flower job, i took it because it was part time-no heavy lifts and i thought a bit of walking would be good for my health. WRONG!
I developed a stiffness in one of my legs, which comes from the heel(the sciatic nerve goes down there), it wouldn`t go away and kept on creeping up to my middle back/triangular place). It wouldn`t go away even when i rested for 3 days(i tried to put up working days so i could get three days of rest in between, we had flexible working days), not even that helped.

So when i started getting conflicts with my colleagues (i had men hitting on me all the time, they were my team bosses, so when i rejected them it would damage the working environment). I just couldn`t do it any more, there were to many liabilities both mental and physical-but of course the physical were worse, but as you know when you get frustrated, stressed angry or something else, then your body tenses and the pain can get worse. I was hoping for an easy working environment but it just wasn`t.
We had to go on trips together to gather in money ( i worked for a big business that collected money for needy countries, a good and constructive job, meeting a lot of people-yet very sad too because i was working for the ones who need it the most and the ones who live in the worst places, so that itself is a liability because you get emotional about it).
So we travelled together which made us a quite tight group, we slept in hotels and of course some married men just can`t let that temptation pass them by...
So i got a bit sick of all those offers from people that i shared a working place with.
They were nice people but i have since read that people from different countries respond differently to women.
In some countries men are so tempted by women, that the women need to dress in unrevealing clothes.

In Norway you can get sued for just looking at a woman the wrong way in a working situation, but its not often that women sue, unless its something really serious. Yet i think a lot of women here too experience sexual harassment in their working environments. This is not the first time i have experienced it, and i have experienced it by both foreign as well as norwegian workers.

I also have had cell changes and high blood pressure, and been diagnosed by a psychologist and doctor for depression. Yet my social security office said that i wasn`t motivated to get a job!???

Those idiots aren`t educated in medicine they don`t know what a diagnose really means.

Also this was a new case worker who i don`t think had read my case.

Also the social security office had a "renovation" for a few years ago where they fused both the working office and social office into one, so i think my case got "annulled" or reset back to the beginning?

When this reform happened there was a time when they had lost my papers so they stopped my out payments. I was without money and food for 4 days.

When i called they said my file had gone missing!?

I also worked as a volunteer for about one year.
I had some assignments but since i started to work for that international organisation i got too busy.
I also worked as a personal assistant(again), so i had 3 jobs at the same time.

This was 3 years ago and it was my last attempt at working.

After that i applied for permanent non worker status, after a lot of efforts.

But i didn`t get it because the social office means i don`t have enough wrong with me. But they are still sending me money as a temporary non worker, as they have been doing for 10 years, (minus the short periods of time when i have had paid jobs, i used to work in a greenery for 8 months before i started the flower decoration course, that was one of the "assignments" from my working/social office, its called working experience.
I didn`t really need any working experience because i already had worked for many years, but i took it to work with flowers, and because they told me to do it.

They have evaluators in that place, its very laid back work, it was a green house and a flower shop, but the flower shop only had about 5 customers a day, and we had 15 minutes break every hour and then a 1 hour break in the middle of the day, and then a shorter working day. If we couldn`t do a task we didn`t have to do it. There was never any stress there.

And my body work better when there is no stress.

A lot of sick people worked there, people who were recovering from operations etc..

It was more fun then work.

So of course the liabilities were much smaller then in a normal hectic job place.

(So how real is it to the real thing?).

Still i think we got some flower sold.


It was like a activity place.

Since i was trying to get back into a job and i thought it was fun to work with flowers, things went smooth. But i was on a sick leave for 2 weeks and complained about my knees while i was there.

I don`t complain a lot because my pain is chronic and i have gotten used to it over the years.
But i have a lot of aches and pain.

Every time i go to the social office there is a new case worker there, so the case workers never get to know me.

About 5 years ago i had a psychologist who went with me to a big meeting where i was with my case worker from social office, my doctor and my psychologist.

THEY said that i shouldn`t work any more and put me on something called rehabilitation money.
Until then i just got money for non workers, so that was the first time the social office acknowledge my health situation.

Back then i had a doctor i had been going to for 5 years, and a case worker who were specialized in working with psychiatric patients, and a psychologist.

After that meeting i have changed my doctor, no longer have a psychologist and i don`t have that case worker any more.

Now i have a doctor who don`t care to listen to my story so she won`t back me up in my demand for permanent non worker, she sent a short letter to the social office but no explanation about why she thought i should have it, and she is not interest in listening to me neither.

But she did send the necessary papers to the social office, so that my appliance got thru.

She is a very stressing doctor, i have changed doctors 3 times the last 3 years, so i don`t want to change again.

I don`t feel as if anybody wants to listen or even cares about me.

When i got the denial the first time for my application for permanent non worker, i went to a lawyer. All he said was that the case is for a doctor to evaluate.

Many years ago i was hospitalized for being suicidal, i was in hospital several times over a period, but never longer then a few weeks because psychiatry didn`t have capacity for more.

One guy was written out of emergency psychiatry one night, and then was hospitalized into E.R the other for attempting another suicide.
It doesn`t seem like they take every case serious.

My last psychologist is a good example on that. I went to her for 8 months but didn`t need her assistance so much in good periods so i started going only once every 2 weeks. Then my life turned up side down and i asked for more assistance and she refused to give it to me.

She also refused to come with me to the fountain house when i was experiencing a lot of problems there.

All my friends in the fountain house all had the permanent non worker status. To give you an idea about what i am talking about, a temporary non worker gets less money so that he is forced into work because of lack of money. He can be denied the rights to take up loans, solely based on that placement.
A permanent non worker has better rights, they get public transport cheaper, they get house loans, they get a better status.
If you are and always stay a temporary non worker, it sounds as if you are looking for a job, if you are a permanent non worker people know you don`t work because you have problems.

So that`s the basic difference, permanent workers also get a little bit more money paid out every month so they can afford to save.

So that status is better for the future.

My friend from the fountain house "only" had a depression and not all the other physical issues too, she was adopted as a child, and that gave her instant permanent status, before she had even applied for it.

She must have done something bad when the chips were down, because that`s normally when people get their attention.

She had mental problems, she said that i should have had permanent status too, that was 6-7 years ago.

Also the doctor who i went to before said the same in one of my first meetings with him, but he said it informally, by passing. That was 7 years ago.

After i was sat over on rehabilitation money (appr. 5 years ago), they had this reform, so now nothing is called rehabilitation money any more. Now there are only two types of payments, permanent or temporary.
Straight before the reform i lost all social contacts with my social network.

I don`t have a family(because of conflicts), and all that i had was the fountain house and my psychologist.

When they disappeared i had nobody left.

I realized that i was going to be alone for the rest of my life if i didn`t do something, so in one final attempt on managing to work i called off the rehabilitation money and went back on non working money.
They pay out money in the grey zone...you can still have a job and get pay outs, you fill in how many hours you have worked and they subtract it from the out payments.
You are allowed to work a certain amount of hours before they take your right away for receiving that support.

So i work the allowed amount of time, but it was a struggle, and i had to stop.

I was working in a nursery home(this was before i worked for that international organization, so this is really one of my other attempts.)

A lot of things happened to me in that job too, back then about 7 years ago i was in a little bit better physical shape but worse mental state, now i am a little better mental but a lot worse physical!?

Somehow nobody understands me despite me trying to explain myself.

I`ve had many failed attempts, its unfair to see them give others who have never tried anything, that money/status.

There are some more attempts i am not mentioning because i am too tired to write any more.

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