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Body dismorphic disorder by baileyvanilla on Fri Sep 02, 2011 7:39 pm
Today i have been more scared than i have for a long time. I have suffered with body dis morphia for 3-4 years now but have been ok on medication, bad days were the worst it would get. Not that i thought it would return or i'd feel anything like i am now but my illness is definitely coming back with a bang.

When i first got put on my medication i was at my lowest, suicidal had been for months, didn't want to see the next day and well i was put in hospital and then a specialist hospital for child mental health. I never met somebody with the same illness as me (body dis morphia) but the most common illness in the hospital was anorexia and others were depression (to devastating points)
I was basically told to take my medication, that it would help, never got told any side effects, what might happen to me with taking it and to be honest, i did not care. At that point i didn't care about anything. I was still suicidal just in a hospital, there was not alot i could do about it.

Why did i stop my medication? I stopped my medication because when i left the hospital i had gained ALOT of weight, and i mean alot. It was over 3 stone, i had never been that size before.
The medication created an on-going appetite and i was constantly hungry no matter what i ate or how much of it, it was like my brain couldn't tell me when i was full. Which was understandable because at the same time the medication was fighting a battle with cells in brain telling them what i was seeing and thinking was not real.

After being on my medication for over a year, i had, had enough. I was sick of the weight, i wasn't used to being the size i was so i stopped my tablets and for about 3 months i was doing ok. I guess my tablets have finally came out of my system though because i am definately getting a not so good blast from the past. I have avoided mirrors since my illness and being on medication because when i was ill that's the only thing i wanted to do, stare at this hideous face, in anything reflective.
Now, now i don't have the strength which i had on my medication not to look. And i have looked, alot, and like before i hate what i see. I have one mirror that i've been able to look in but no other, but now i'm looking in all of them again and it isnt good, isnt good at all.

The worst thing though? I cannot bring myself to take my medication again (which would seem the most simplest option) because i have this weird idea in my head, i cannot decide whether its the illness again or whether its actually me. But maybe the insecurities are real? and that the medication forces me to see something that isnt? i really do not know and the not knowing scares me....

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Low self-esteem by Khaitlin12 on Fri Feb 24, 2017 1:58 am
There are a lot of people who talk down on me and say that I'm fat and ugly. It makes me feel bad about myself I told my boyfriend about this and he tells me that I'm not ugly or fat. He tells me all the...

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bipolar disorder? by wasp_rainbowarrior on Fri Feb 24, 2017 1:23 am
now that i'm slowly coming back to reality (haven't felt any desire to have sex whatsoever since my last post) i've been thinking about my symptoms and i'm coming to the conclusion that i might have bipolar...

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Happiness is a choice? by rybo510 on Fri Feb 24, 2017 12:37 am
I think that is a very double sided comment. I dont have much to say today. My brother visited me and as such a supportive brother. I remember playing with army men or GI Joe. If I look at the older memories...

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Contempt for that women list! by OMNICELL on Thu Feb 23, 2017 5:47 pm
Im working through the processes of coming out dissociative disorder! its very confusing! it feels like Im a victem no matter what direction i go! and one feels contempt and entitled to everything because...

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If everyone were an introvert... by 2109 on Wed Feb 22, 2017 5:25 pm
...life would be a lot easier :!:

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Re: bipolar disorder? by quietgirl2538 on Fri Feb 24, 2017 7:54 am
I have most, if not all of baars and terruwe's writings. I am curious which one you are reading. By no means do I understand everything, but I have learned that their writings have helped me in the emotional...

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Re: 2017: The Last Chance for Therapy by HarleyMonroe on Tue Feb 21, 2017 5:20 am
I hope therapy is going well. It is so frustrating being misdiagnosed so I am really sorry to hear about that run around. I have also been put on a lot of drugs, and dealt with misdiagnosing and under-diagnosing....

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Re: i don't know the subject this time by wasp_rainbowarrior on Sat Feb 18, 2017 3:07 pm
i haven't felt that bad since yesterday but i haven't felt anything else either. whenever i stop and pay attention to how i'm feeling i get this tight chest feeling and my heart beats faster, like some...

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Re: Fell off the DVD waggon... by lonelydaydream on Sat Feb 18, 2017 12:31 pm
[quote="Snaga"]Considering you're already past the mean survival for the worse kind, and the other is much more common, correct? Prayers and fingers crossed...

I don't think it's odd at all...

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Re: Howdy y'all by Snaga on Sat Feb 18, 2017 2:32 am
Howdy back and welcome to being an active member of PF

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