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I can't take this no more , hocd , Please Help !!!! by Mattharris on Mon Aug 05, 2013 6:57 pm
Hi , imma 17 year old male who liked girls all his life , I had a crush on my 1st grade teacher and had a girlfriend in the second grade , I had about 4 relationships my whole life , I had lost my virginity at the age of 14 and had quite a few sex partners ever since , I never like the Same sex and I never had any thoughts , I find it disgusting ( I have nothing against gay people ) but I don't wanna be a gay , about 2 weeks ago I was in school and some girl said you are gay , you are gay , and I shrug it off for the rest of the day , but when I came home it pop up again , and then I question myself , am I really gay , am I really gay , do I walk funny? Do I talk funny? And every since I couldn't get this thought out my head and its been killing me.
So now the thoughts are even worse , thoughts that I don't even wanna talk about. My sex drive is gone , I don't even feel the same way to girls like I use to , I use to get woodys in class thinking about a girl , now I can't even think about them, it's like my mind is telling you like boys and I'm telling it I love girls. It's like every time I look at a girl I look back away. Now I think I have a attraction to boys which I no it's false but my mind is telling me yes , and I get really scared. I always wanted a family and kids by a beautiful women and now I can't even think about that. I ran across Hocd when I did some research and what's happening to them and what's happening to me are similar but not the same,
I need help to know if this is hocd or if I've been gay all along and didn't know it. Please tell me if the hocd is making these thoughts seem real or the thoughts are real.
I can't even play basketball , listen to music , or play video games with these thoughts popping up and my heart just collapse and beats really fast.
This has been a very bad summer and it has ruined my life it's getting to the point where I think I won't get my old self back.
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