2 and a half years ago I spent the most intense and weird, interesting week of my life at a mental hospital. I was diagnosed with bipolar. I take a slew of meds but have been told by friends that I handle my disorder well considering everything. Heres the thing though. I've been cracking under pressure and I have been hearing things. When I was getting stressed with customers at a large event I got a ringing in my ear that physically hurt actually making it hard to work or focus. I was in pain. My facial expression looked like I just got hit in the head. I've been hearing things other than ringing as well such as a hum that isn't there and there seems to be like a pattern to it. A few hums, stop, a few more hums, ect. A couple nights ago It was a phone ringing. I'm in my car music on and still hearing this imaginary phone ringing. The weirdness being that its not like any phone I've heard before at least not recently. it was in my right ear. Well it was in my head of course but I was picking it up with my right ear even though it wasn't there. That wasn't as consistent as the hum like it was more random. Now thats not bi polar is it? Anxiety has been getting to me I've been nervous more. Depression has been far worse. My father mentioned something about getting a second opinion and I replied with "I've looked into it theres really no hope". Its been worsening. I can't handle responsibility, I only work weekends and out of the last four days I was supposed to work, I've worked one. The doctor told me not to work and get on disability 2 and a half years ago. So I was fortunately put into the position of starting a weekend business with my dad to make a little extra money and cutting myself down to 20 hours a week from a typical 40 a week job. But if I'm not there whats the point? Its more depressing that my dad who doesn't and shouldn't have to work 7 days a week so his son can have a decent income. The hearing things though concerns me. And I can't handle anything high pitched. My dad had some keys made at lowes and I had to walk to the other end of the store so as not to hear the noise from the machine. Loud noises scare me. I visited NYC in september and every time someone would get up and yell something like "listen up!, I'm with so and so and we are wondering if anyone on this train is hungry or can't afford to eat, we have sandwhiches, ect....As soon as I herd the words "listen up!" I start thinking this guy is about to start taking hostages or something. Earlier tonight I had heart burn and thought heart attack. Didn't say it of course I said heart burn. But I'm fearing the worst out of everything. And the noise isn't cool. What could it be?
-- Fri May 04, 2012 12:18 am --
and btw it wasn't the music I turned it off and still heard the imaginary telephone.