by Anyone » Mon Feb 27, 2012 10:29 pm
I've asked myself the same question many many times actually. One of my counselors told me that I was surprisingly insightful compared to many patients who had no idea. It seemed as though she knew I had a problem but did not know what to do for me after I told her everything. My mind is full of dualities that drive me nuts. I always wonder if other people have these dualities (like me) which keep them from going crazy making them uncrazy. Perhaps everyone can see themselves from the inside and also see themselves from the outside? So they just hold it together?
AKA. Well, all these evil spirits are talking to me and keeping me up all night. I get the feeling that that is happening. Perhaps there is a spiritual problem. Perhaps it is a delusion. Perhaps the sleeplessness is causing me secondary symptoms. Perhaps this, perhaps that. If I have the capacity towards all these thoughts, is it truly a delusion? Is it truly an illness? Am I thinking too much?
I think I have higher intelligence than most. Is that grandiosity or is it reality? Is it a self esteem problem? Is it a problem? Is it intelligent that I'm able to see my own illness or do I have an illness at all? Should I learn humility or should I go test and join MENSA? What will become of my identity if my (true) IQ was say, 98 and it was all the mania afterall? Am I intelligent for having these thoughts or am I crazy for even thinking about this?
Do I think too much?
I will go hang out with my friends and exercise so that I can shut it all off for a minute and take myself outside of myself.
Am I crazy if I have good problem solving skills like this?
Does it matter as long as I can make myself functional and happy?
Am I functional and happy if I keep thinking like this?
Do I need to get laid?
(Drinks a fifth of vodka)
Am I an alcoholic?
Is it mandatory to be treated for alcoholism once you make that admission?
Do I have alcoholism if I'm so willing to admit it?
Shall I be treated for the things that are driving me to drink?
Will the drinking ruin my profound intelligence?
Am I unintelligent to drink so much and have such poor problem solving skills?
Am I highly intelligent to be able to see that in myself?
Is that a grandiose thought or just me thinking too much again?
Can a therapist outsmart me anyway?
Does some subconscious part of me want me to be crazy?
Should I go on vacation?
Do I have a multivitamin deficiency?
Shall I help someone in greater need?
The psych people will just lead me through this, I'm three steps ahead of them.
Maybe my problem is that I'm three steps ahead of them. I need to relax.
Do I need help to relax?
etc.... .
Conclusion: None.
Bipolar type II w/ psychosis
Rx:lamictal 125 mg
PRN xanax
exercise.