I feel like my life is spent looking for my next high

Hey everyone.

I have just come out of a couple week long depression, but before that I was stable for about two weeks. Even though being stable has been a goal for me for a long time, I found that when I finally got it, I just felt frustrated because it wasn't as good as being high. I wonder if it was these frustrations that sent me into a depression? Does anyone else feel like this?

This has been an upsetting realisation for me because maybe this means that I don't actually want to get better? I feel selfish for wanting to be high because I know that it is not fair on my partner because he will have to put all of his energy into calming me down. I don't think that stable is really want I want. Argghhh I don't know what to do!!!

Please tell me your thoughts and experiences!

All my love

Naomi

I do understand how you feel.

Do you take regular medication? You seem to have had lots of mood changes lately.

Sending love x

Hello

Well I've been taking Sertraline and Risperidone, but the Risperidone was turning me into a zombie now so I'm just on 100mg Sertraline now. I have to wait until May for an evaluation. I know I do go up and down very quickly, but I suppose that is better than having year long depressions as I know some of you are are unfortunately suffering with. The thing is, I love my highs so much I don't know if I want to take a mood stabilizer. Thank you for your support, sending hugs back xxxxxxxx

Wanting to be high is understandable. Until it goes out of control it is a good feeling. But it can be really destructive so please have an honest look at how being high affects you and your life and see if there are negatives - you allude to one already in your post. Just a note that if you going high then being on the SSRI alone can cause problems.

Look after yourself

Hugs

Cracked

It is possible to be happy and really enjoy yourself without being high.

Do you not have a GP? That you can talk to about your meds sooner?

Yes I do see my GP every two weeks and he is desperate to get me seen but there is just not very good psychiatric care in Hertfordshire where I live, and he can't prescribe me lithium which is what he thinks I need.

I think its normal to want that. I didn't realize how much depakote brought me down until I didn't have it. I think being on the right medication helps a lot. Then you have a normal up and down in stead of those unhealthy highs and awful lows. You are in between a rock in a hard place with disliking your current med and not be being able to get new ones. Best of luck.