No one cares.

Hello,

I decided to die. I don't want any more help, I don't want to take one more single breath. Why I write here? I have no family and no friends, no one to tell my last words. I had a relation that lasted for more than 12 years and colapsed last September. I can't live with my childhood memories any longer and also can't take the void of my life no more. She (my ex)... the only person I virtually could tell this words, laughed in my face... called me a coward and told me I don't have the balls to do it. Unfortunatelly for her, I already arranged everything. I win. I picked up the date of my mothers birthday for everything she has done to me. I picked up the perfect mix of poisoning plants and medication, will not miss. I arranged my life and I am taking care of my funeral last details. No one in my funeral will be permited to enter. Only a priest and the undertaker.

I am fed up of 30 years of $#%^. I have been diagnosed with 5 disorders and I am more ###$ up than I could describe to anyone. Bipolar... PTSD... Dissociation... Schizoid... Pyromania... labels labels labels, I am ######6 fed up! I am fed up of having people in my life screwing with my head. I seriously hate people. If I could live the rest of my life without any human contact... I would. I just want to burn everyone, it's enough for me.

After I told her what I am going to do... she sends me messages and calls me... telling me things that I wouldn't say to the people I hate the most. Seriously? Someone I spent 12 years of my life with... whom I left... because she hits me and harasses my psychologicaly... knowing the reason of me ending the relation and wanting to restart everything.... does that?! How am I supposed to feel?

I decided to end my life before she calls me saying $#%^... and now? I am going to have pleasure doing it. Will drink that tea and eat those pills with a smile in my face. I win.

It is impressive the lack of humanity people have. I don't want to live in a world like this. I want to thank the people that talked to me in here during my short stay, don't loose the humanity you have in you... it lacks in the world.

Oh well... Goodbye.

I really hope you don't go through with your attempted suicide or if you do it doesn't work...

Even if humanity was horribly cruel and ignorant it would only put more importance on your life. Not less.

Take care. Wherever you are...

Are you really going to let your EX have the last laugh? That should be initiative to not do it, at least for now.

But then again I'm not in your shoes.....

Please don't give up.
I have felt that way many times. It isn't worth it. I really don't know what to say to talk you out of this. I will say there are many good people in this world, and if you look hard enough you will find them. I hope you hang in there and that you seek help. I highly recommend going to a hospital or calling a suicide hotline. They can help you.

I care

I have two things that keep me from doing it.
One is knowing that if I made one person happy by my demise that alone keeps me here just out of spite. I do not want to make anyone happy. Another is one a boy taught me. It was NOTHING STAYS THE SAME <-------- i count on this. So get to your Doc

I fight this a lot lately. So keep fighting it. Do what you got to do but don't end it.

It's the twenty-third now... I never sleep.
Every reply here shows that people do care, and we care about you. This community may be a great distance apart from you, but your life truly matters... if not to yourself, then to others.
Forget the labels, because everyone is different. Everyone has a personality and qualities that are specific to oneself... even if they may feel attached or condemned to a series of diagnoses.

You are a human, not a compendium.
Please, find help... or at least comfort in knowing that even nameless faces care for your life.

Please get help and ask someone in 3D for support. I know things seem tough now but I think that they can get better with help and support. Suicide is not the answer.

Keep safe and let us know how you are.

Cracked

Hey Trenus -

If you can, I hope that you will come online & post to us. You spoke about how the world is lacking in humanity, I hope you see that you have that humanity in you as well, & we can't afford to lose you. You obviously have been spending many years in a relationship with a woman that does wrong to you. There are others out there that will give you the love that you deserve. It's hard to believe that there are others out there that care for us, especially when we are in a dark place, but they are there, people that care.

You mentioned your mother & that she has done a lot for you. Is she still with you? Could you live for her? I know it's tough to hang on when everything sucks, but things always the potential to get better. We can't predict what will happen in the future, & that includes all the good that can happen.

Are you seeing a therapist? Someone that can support you through this, face-to-face? Do you have a psychiatrist? I agree with Cracked, you need to talk to someone in the 3D world about this. Not to say that you won't find support here, we are obviously here for you, but I think you'd benefit from confiding in someone near you.

I hope you're alright & will post again.

- EGD.

Trenus, please let us know you're ok! Nothing is worth dying for. I've had times when everything seemed hopeless, it was so overwhelming. But then I found something new to give me hope.