Exposure therapy doesn't work, or does it?

What do you guys think about it for AvPD? Would something simple like that really work to fix a problem as deep as a personality disorder?


I kind of used to think it was #######4, at least for me and my particular problems. I had done the party thing and the socializing thing for years. I even lived in a tiny dorm room for a year with a stranger. And none of it ever helped. I still couldn't talk to the pretty girl beside me at my 500th house party, I still felt anxious and nervous around my coworkers after 2 years in the same position.

But now after completly withdrawing from the world I feel that my social skills are getting worse. It's been about 2 years now since I've had a job, I rarely leave the house. I only have 2 friends and other than them I don't talk to or do anything with anybody. And after this time I find that the simple $#%^ that I used to be able to handle is now too much for me. It's gotten to the point now that the only place I feel comfortable is my bedroom. When I leave the house it's like torture. The very presence of another human being causes me pain.

If I understand it, Exposure Therapy is just saying "to hell with it" and doing what you're avoiding anyway. I've been doing that for the past month or so, gradually bringing it up and up. First I made an effort to talk more with my remaining "friends" and stand up for myself when they try to put me down, then I forced myself to stop avoiding so much as looking at strangers outside... I'm going to get a gym membership next month.
I'll tell you how it is for me: overcoming the fear itself is easy, what's hard is keeping from slipping back again and what seems to be impossible is getting rid of it. I'm gradually starting to do all the things normal people do, but I'm still deathly afraid of rejection and I still become depressed every time I am rejected (which still happens most of the time, sadly). I'm expecting myself to start functioning on a social, but not a personal level. I still can't even imagine having a close relationship with someone or even just someone liking me on a personal level. In a way, I'm still bitter and depressed, just... not so much.

From what I've read online, it seems that we can only learn to blur out the fear when needed but it's always going to be there.

Asuka wrote:Expositional/exposure therapy worked for me in regards to social phobia. It's the olnly way to learn social skills and protocal. However the esteem,depression and bitterness is still there,big time.

Exposure therapy has helped me deal with social situations better - and this has helped me with my job. Mt life is not great, it would be infinitely worse if i were unemployable. So, it that regard, exposure therapy has been positive.

But, it did not change how i view myself. I still feel inferior to everyone i meet, and i still dont trust anyone. I can function in the work setting now, but i make no effort to meet anyone unless i have to.

CV, i think its important to have a specific goal when trying a new type of therapy. My goal was to be able to function at work, and it helped. But i think that was limit for me.

Exposure does work. That's one reason I don't take vacations from work. If I took too much time off it would be really hard to go back. It was that way in school. The first couple of weeks of every semester was horrible but I got used to it. After a whole summer off I felt really bad going back. But after just a few week christmas break I found it easier to go back to classes.

That's why I'm thinking I better go out and have sex with a hooker soon before I lose the progress I made there.

Jessica's Hope wrote:Exposure therapy has helped me deal with social situations better - and this has helped me with my job. Mt life is not great, it would be infinitely worse if i were unemployable. So, it that regard, exposure therapy has been positive.

But, it did not change how i view myself. I still feel inferior to everyone i meet, and i still dont trust anyone. I can function in the work setting now, but i make no effort to meet anyone unless i have to.

CV, i think its important to have a specific goal when trying a new type of therapy. My goal was to be able to function at work, and it helped. But i think that was limit for me.

How did it help you in your work? Can't you translate that to your non-working life?

Skog wrote:How did it help you in your work? Can't you translate that to your non-working life?

It worked to help me feel more comfortable around the people in my office by relaxing my mind to the routine of the workplace. I deal with many people but i tend to deal with them in the same way. So, i just became more relaxed as time went on because i knew what to expect (for the most part). I still have difficulty dealing with a new employee or if something happens out of the ordinary.

In the social setting - there are too many variables and too many new personalities for me to feel comfortable and at ease with.

Jessica's Hope wrote:In the social setting - there are too many variables and too many new personalities for me to feel comfortable and at ease with.

So, what if you established a routine of regularly going to some same place where people gather -- a public park, bookstore, dog park, bar, coffee shop, roller skating rink, etc. -- and tried to be there at about the same time of day, sit/stand in about the same place, do essentially the same thing (read, work on a puzzle, look at a TV, knit, skate in a circle, etc.) -- couldn't that reduce the variables for you so that you could engage in a conversation with someone who spoke to you, or who you recognized from prior occasions and prompted yourself to speak to -- would something like the foregoing allow you to translate the skills you have learned to apply to your workplace in another setting?

So, what if you established a routine of regularly going to some same place where people gather -- a public park, bookstore, dog park, bar, coffee shop, roller skating rink, etc. -- and tried to be there at about the same time of day, sit/stand in about the same place, do essentially the same thing (read, work on a puzzle, look at a TV, knit, skate in a circle, etc.) -- couldn't that reduce the variables for you so that you could engage in a conversation with someone who spoke to you, or who you recognized from prior occasions and prompted yourself to speak to -- would something like the foregoing allow you to translate the skills you have learned to apply to your workplace in another setting?

That could work. but i find my main problem is distrust of people. I can only feel comfortable when i have established that a person is unlikely to hurt me. So, while i could do the routine to become comfortable in a social "setting" i would still not be comfortable with the new people as my distrust kicks in.

I think what your talking about, Skog would certainly reduce the number of variables but it wouldn't reduce the important one. I worked as a cashier for 2 years. It didn't help my social skills at all. I got used to doing my job, and being in the professional setting helped. Different people, or variables, would come in but they would all get pluged into the same formula and behave in essentially the same way. Going somewhere and working on a puzzle or watching tv isn't really a social interaction. It always makes it easier when I'm in a public place and I can do something like read a newspaper, but the point of that is avoiding social interaction rather than encouraging it.

I feel like social interaction is too dynamic and there is no getting used to it. You are either capable of handling it, or you aren't and need a crutch like a predictiable format in which people will behave such as a buisness trasaction.

karl wrote:... I'm going to get a gym membership next month.

This works well. I have been having problem meeting new people somewhat. I have a farely outgoing personality but as I get older I feel less enthused to meet new people. I seem to always end up with Latin girls, they end up on the bus to my house and I say hello (because they are pretty) then start talking about stuff like my visits to Mexico or whatever and we end up finding out we both speak Spanish and whatever and friends, but the gym works well too. I've been going to the gym to get back in shape and it's a great time killer and also after your done go stop in the sauna and you can easily start conversations there. I've seen friends from school and just random people usually late 20's. I don't mind they have good advice to tell me on random things like losing weight or career choices.