Is it hard for aspies to end relationships?

I have always struggled to end relationships, end jobs, end..... everything. I always blame myself for not being perfect. I cling on to near death and can't let go until I am pushed.

I think I have a high tolerance for pain. Have you struggled to end bad relationships/personal/work etc?

I used to, topaz. I was the guy who'd never just say 'no' and would always drag things out. Now, however, I recognise that I've no time whatsoever to be 'dilly-dallying' (as we say in Irelan) around. So, if a friendship seems to be failing, I move on swiftly by deleting their email, phone number, etc. In an emotional relationship sense, this helps too, because if a girl doesn't like me, then I find it very easy to get over her and move on. i've no time to waste anymore.

Do you know what made you change or was it just something that happened over time?

In my case, yes, absolutely - to seemingly "stalker" levels of clinging on...

never mind

It's weird I can be really tough with some people and I can turn away so easily from others (even family members) but once they have got into my heart then it is a different story and I can forgive anything.

As for work, it seems I keep myself trapped into staying far longer than I should and I am trying to work out why. Obviously, the job market is not that good at the moment but it hasn't always been like that so I can't keep using that excuse. I know I can be very apathetic because deep down I know I would rather work from home. I sometimes wonder if I am subconsciously forcing myself to endure things that are hard for me - a bit like performance anxiety - because I somehow know that I must do these things even though I hate them.

All I want is a simple life and yet I keep walking into more and more complexity. I have to start changing the way I think and act but it seems to be so embedded in my personality I can barely perceive another mode of being.

topaz wrote:Do you know what made you change or was it just something that happened over time?

Yeh I know what the turning point was: Trying to kill myself andf then subsequently spending time in a pdychiatric hospital. After that, I completely reinvented myself, and have been on an 'high' ever since. I cast aside people I didn't want to be friends with,. I became mean/cruel when I felt like it, and I ultimately said to myself that I'm going to be proactive- not reactive - and not take $#%^ from anyone. It was around that time that I started offering advice to people on this website too, instead of looking for it myself.

You mentioned that you have overspent your time in your job. If that was me, I would have left it long ago. However, I reckon you SHOULD stay in it now considering that there are hundreds of thousands unemployed (i.e. we should all be thankful that we have a job right now).

Kevin

Chucky wrote

You mentioned that you have overspent your time in your job. If that was me, I would have left it long ago. However, I reckon you SHOULD stay in it now considering that there are hundreds of thousands unemployed (i.e. we should all be thankful that we have a job right now).

Yes, thank you. You are right about that.

Btw have you posted here about your life story re: suicide attempt and recovery ? I would be interested to read it.

I might have, but I'm not going to go look. I have too many posts to search through for any individual post. If you want to look at all of my posts, then you're welcome to look. In a nutshell: I was virtually a 'mute' in my childhood and teen years until I joined college and started studying computer science. I then got a girlfriend and friends, but the break up was too much and my life shattered. I left the course, spent a year trying to kill myself, and then joined a new course. 5 years later, I have two degrees, won student of the year twice in a row, and am doing a PhD. So, I swung everything completely around 5 years ago.

Thanks for listening and asking me about myself. It feels weird to actually talk about me, given that I just offer help to others here.

Kevin

You are an inspiration Chucky - thanks for sharing that.

(I was a mute child too)