I can see where you are coming from. As you may have read in previous posts here, AS is a very difficult condition to diagnose. Some people display all traits obviously, some only display a few traits. I was classed as borderline, but I'm actually considerably worse than that. I was trying to hide it whilst speaking to the doctor, just as I do when I speak to anyone else. In borderline cases, a diagnosis can do more harm than good on occasion.
With regards to what your therapist says, he obviously knows very little about AS. Even some professionals have difficulty in diagnosing it correctly! Being emotionally involved with people is not grounds for dismissing AS. A number of people here either have been or are either married or in a long-term relationship. With regards to the traits you describe, and based on my limited knowledge of the other two conditions you mention, it is more likely that they are associated with the BP and ADHD. That is not to say that you don't have a mild case of AS as well. Just my own 'uneducated' opinion!
The question you've got to ask is 'how would a diagnosis affect me?'
I mean, would it be beneficial to you in some way? Or, would it potentially proclude you from persuing certain activities? I was once mistakenly diagnosed with BP! I was just a depressed Aspie, but the 'consultant', who had never even heard of AS, could only fit the symptoms to BP. That diagnosis was revoked very quickly, thankfully!
There are two interesting things you have mentioned. On the one hand, your therapist says that you are 'now' starting to display AS traits - well, you would've been displaying them all your life, I believe. AS is not something that you start to get at the age of 25. Secondly, you mentioned that it has been less of a problem as you have grown older. So which is it? Either you are just starting to display them, or you are displaying them less! You can't do both at the same time can you?!
The traits you describe are part of a long list of possibilities, you can find this list in one of the 'sticky' posts at the top of the message board. I am personally thinking two things:
1. Either the symptoms are related to the BP/ADHD or are so slight that it is not probably worth a diagnosis (be careful about how many labels you stick on yourself!)
2. It has been known for a Doctor, rather 'Consultant' - who is supposed to be a specialist, to make grave errors in diagnosis. Again, only 10 years ago, a Consultant Psychiatrist decided that a) There was definitely something wrong with me, and b) the only thing he could think of was BP. I dare say he would've come up with ADHD as well, had he observed me for longer. AS does make you a little more prone to depression. Given said AS traits, it might be worth checking it out with another Doc. Whilst I'm sure you have done this, I suggest it as a matter of caution, given my own experiences. The last thing you want is to be taking meds for two illnesses (ADHD and BP) for the rest of your life, if like in my case, the Doc was wrong! [I knew I had AS before seeing this Doc - we just wrongly presumed that he knew what he was talking about. Hence, it took us a couple of weeks to find out that he had never even heard of AS.]
In answer to your question, yes, I was diagnosed as borderline, but I now know myself to be more towards medium (after further diagnosis). I guess borderline is a difficult place to be. Sometimes a diagnosis can be useful (particularly if you're in school still - there is a lot more help available to you), sometimes it serves no useful purpose what-so-ever other than to limit you in later life as to what activities you can be involved in.
Hope this helps!
"You start with a bag full of luck, and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck!"