Problems with childhood

Hi all,

first off a little intro of myself. I'm a 22 yo male from europe and I've been diagnosed with a mild case of aspergers about 6 or 7 years ago.

Ever since I was young I was basically left to take care of myself, my parents were either busy or tired etc.. So I took care of my younger siblings, walked them to school, made sure there was food on the table (I'm sure it was multiple times a week when I was 8, before that I'm not sure). One of my (two) younger siblings is severely handicapped so I learned how to change the diaper, take 'm to bed etc.. Now I've always handled it like it is normal, altough I knew my friends wouldn't do it, they would be playin outside or just watch tv. During my teen years the task of taking car of my siblings exploded, at some point I was just busy taking care of them 24/7 on weekdays and during the weekend I had to work or my parents would be pissed at me. And when they get pissed they become extremely mean, hitting, constantly demeaning and whatever to could just to taunt me. They just make me feel like I don't mather at all, constantly arguing about giving food, during the winter my room became so cold that incidentally the water in my bottle would freeze a little bit (never completely). And during the summers its the exact opposit reaching temperature exceeding 30 degrees celcius (86 fahrenheit according to google).

To get some rest every once in a while I would listen to music and do push-ups in the bathroom. My only goal was to leave home join the army and die somewhere far away so I wouldn't have to come back. When the day came that I was finishing high school, and old enough to join, I was turned down. Years of working in construction had left me we bad knees and ankles (the thing that connects the foot with the legs, English isn't my native language so I'm not sure if ankles is proper English).

I basically saw my life go to $#%^ at that point, all that I was working towards went straight down the drain and I didn't know what to do. At that point my parents (btw they absolutely hate the army, so that was another way of talking me down. they'd say the army is a disease infecting people and whatever they could think of) were constantly on top of me (Years of training and working had made me stronger than them so they stopped being physically abusive and simply switched to constantly saying I'm $#%^). So I made up a story about me dreaming about killing people, that obviously scared the crap out of them and I was send to some kind of menthal help for children. I went there to talk about stuff but I didn't have the guts to tell them about home. I did say I didn't like home. They asked questions like do you use drugs,and I answered no (altough I got high ecery day before school, and during breaks, I drank a lot I smoked on average one to two packs a day) to make sure they wouldn't find out I would never drink/get high starting two days before an appointment. Not smoking wasn't an option as I started years before and just didn't pass a day without going nuts if I didn't smoke.

After a while they came up with the diagnosis of Aspergers saying it fits perfect with not doing drugs (apparently aspergers behave perfectly) and helping out the family. Now that bothers me every day cause my problems haven't gone away. They're still there and I'm wondering if I made a big mistake by not telling the actual truth. Cause whatever I read about asperger and dealing with problems it just doesn't fit me.

I've never had trouble making friends (altough I wouldn't bring them home), it was always easy and I could go out and simply meet up with someone. I'm actually asked to a lot of parties by people and I like to go clubbing (another thing I keep reading that doesn't fit the profile of aspergers).

So a couple of months ago I went back to a therapist, maybe that they'd be able to help me. But after a few session she said it would be better if she handed me off to someone who was more specialised in aspergers. So I was signed up and after two months still haven't found a place.
Now I'm so tired of all this $#%^ that I'm planning on finishing my bachelor thesis and jsut get the ###$ out of here. Join the french foreign legion, pay whatever dues have to be payed and go trough five years of hell so I can start over with a new name, new life and hopefully new people.

Now my question to some of you is, do you think I''m better off waiting till I can get some menthal care or would removing myself from the situation and leaving it all behind be helpfull as well?
I just don't know anymore so I searched a forum that looked far away (I'm guessing mostly us citizens use this forum) from people I know and hope someone has an answer for me.

btw antoher side not with the aspergers I've always made sarcastic remarks ever since I was young but I became to good at them so people actually think I'm serious about the remarks basically I constantly look like a fool. The psych-people told me that my absence of sarcastic remarks was another sign.
And for anyone interested
http://www.rdos.net/eng/poly12c.php?p1= ... 11=6&p12=4
[the image is too big to post]

Do these things ever work? I'm always in between intellectual and doing stuff and on the non-autism side of the things :')

Hi there,

It sounds like you need to get away from your parents and their abuse, definately.

However, if the regular army in your country has rejected you, then what makes you think that the Foreign Legion would take you?! They have an even more demanding set of criteria and physical tests to pass than regular armies, plus it is an extremely brutal and unforgiving regime, where you have a one in ten chance of not making it out alive (due to being sent into the world's worst war zones).

The chart you posted a link to also indicates that you are strongly NT and not AS: it looks like the almost opposite of my chart from that website! So, I don't know why you think you have AS if your chart looks like that...which diagnostic criteria did the person who diagnosed you use?

My advice is: use all your available resources to get away from your parents and start enjoying your independence; I know what it's like to have an abusive father, much like yours (first physical abuse, then when that becomes impractical they resort to mental/emotional abuse, but that's their insecurity and weakness coming out, not yours, remember that.

Hi, and thanks for the reply. The reason I think I'll get into the foreign legion is the criteria for the physical test. My countries army tests if there is a reduced strength around the knees, and if so immediately deems someone unfit for a class 4 job (commando/paratrooper) which is what I was aiming for. Nowadays my knees have grown stronger due to training and they no longer make a squeeking noise when doing squats so I'ld probably be able to enter the job I was after in the army.
Next to that I read that the physical test in the legion was less strict then my countries (basically no squeeking --> Pass) at least with this particular subject.

And i know I need to leave this place but for now I don't have the time to find a place or the resources to keep a place (at least for a few months). I know that I'll have the time and resources in about two months.

Hi there,

Have you seen this documentary on the Foreign Legion? - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jObAiil0pNU

It's the Discovery Channel: 'Warriors of the Foreign Legion'.

I thought about joining myself last year, but after having watched that and done some research on the subject, I think it is something I'd only do if I was completely desperate and literally had no other option in life.

However, you do, and joining the Foreign Legion could easily turn out to be a living nightmare (as I'm sure it is for many of them in it).

I mean, the sheer brutality of it: getting beaten by them if you don't make good progress in French, constant gruelling marches (and they'll leave you behind to die if you don't keep up; they call it "March or Die"), being dropped in some of the most dangerous places in the world with the odds stacked against you, where you are shot at repeatedly and have to fight for your life.

If you really think you could handle that, and if they would let you in, then it's an option I suppose, but there must be many other better things that you could do.

You're in a dark place at the moment living with your parents, but when you get your freedom and independence, you will start to see things in a different way.

I left home at just turned 19 years old, after suffering an abusive relationship with my father, who was also an alcoholic, so I know what that dark place is like, but after I got away from him, I did indeed feel better already. It's been very difficult since, as I've gone from place to place, never settling down, doing different things, and haven't spoken to my father for 12 years, and haven't stayed a night at my parents' house since I left nearly 17 years ago.

Yeah I know life will suck in the legion, but at this point I want to do something drastic that'll change my life for good.

And for the diagnostics. I believe they used the dsm IV. But there's no report that I know of, and I've searched for it. Tomorrow I'm going to contact the psychologist that send me to a specialist to find out how that's going since I haven't been contacted so far.

well, you don't have AS. indeed, i don't think you really have anything. and, as others have said, signing up for the military may not be a good option for you. but you don't have to join an army. there are 3 services to choose from and the other 2 are less demanding physically. you need to get completely away from your parents for at least a year and then see how you feel about your future. i imagine a lot of young people sign up for military service to escape something. candidly, the age you can sign up at is rediculously low, considering you may be called upon to put you life at risk. it ought to be 18 at a minimum. i think it's 16 in the UK.