Could my sister have Aspergers? long...

I have a 24 old year old little sister who I highly suspect is suffering from Aspergers silently and has gone undiagnosed ever since she was little. I cannot talk to her about this myself, no one can as she refuse to talk about her situation. Overall she seems to hate having any form of social interaction with anyone. We know she has been diagnosed with depression when she was around 19 and that she is on antidepressants. I believe depression is a cause of something deeper though. In fact I couldn't be more sure of it. She has been "different" ever since she was little. Anyway I can go through some of the most common symptoms for Aspergers in girls and explain if she has those traits or not.

- Appears excessively shy or avoids interacting with others or making the first move socially

Yes, to all of this!

- Seems uncomfortable during conversation and may struggle with eye contact
Yes, she looks very uncomfortable and would definitely avoid eye contact.

- Usually has only one close friend at school
Yes, she had only one good friend during primary school and it was this friend who did all the effort to make friends with her and to hang out. Later she lost this friend as she changed schools. The friend would still invite her over, but my sister never wanted to come anymore. She actually still invites her, but my sister prefers to be alone. After that she has been friendless always spending her time alone in her room. Social situations make her nervous.

- May play appropriately with toys and engage in pretend play or may focus on organizing objects or toys

She used to play with dolls until she was 14...And was obsessed with princess stuff. She was way too old, but still continued to play like she was 6 with roll plays and everything, often with her cousin who is 6 years young than her(so a child at the time). I don't know about the organising. She is not an organised person at all( her room is a complete disaster).


- Often shows empathy and compassion but may be confused by non-verbal social signals

No, she seems to lack a great deal of empathy. Rarely does anything nice for anyone and simply don't seem to care about others around her. I remember how I used to share my stuff with her as a child, cook for her, read for her, take her to the movies and she would always be mean and never appreciate any of it. She never shared either... Even at that age I thought that was weird, like there was something wrong with her. I told my mother and that she might benefit from a psychologist(I was 16, my sister 12) , but she said she would grow out of it... She never did.

- May have difficulty fitting in with peers due to clothing and hairstyle choices

No. She dressed quite normal and her hair is normal as well.

- May have an exceptional vocabulary

Nope, more a poor one. I think this is due to lack of interaction with others. Her IQ is normal.

-Tends to mimic rather than providing natural responses

Yes!!

- May converse in predictable, "scripted" ways

She never talks much so having a real conversation with her never happens. I don't know what to answer to this.

- Seems to struggle with non-verbal aspects of communication, such as body language and tone of voice

She can come across quite rude to strangers as she lacks polite habits (never says thank you for instance). Her body language? Nothing severe. Tone of voice? Weak, insecure and shy towards strangers, ruff and rude towards close family.

- Appears to have difficulty dealing with unexpected verbal responses

Yes, it's like her brain stops thinking and she doesn't know what to say. Becomes silent for a while then walks away.

- Less prone to act out physically or aggressively

She only acts physically with me. For instance when I try to talk to her. She will start physically pushing me away telling me to get out of her room even at the age of 24... It's very hard to talk to her... I would say impossible.

- Intense focus on a particular subject, often involving animals or classic literature


She couldn't care less for anything revolving literature or that has an intellectual value. On the other hand she is obsessed with celebs and buys every celeb magazine in the stores (not joking). She like gossips and fashion magazines too and buys all of them as well.

- Appears anxious when there are changes in routine

Yes! She hates when her routine is broken or what she has planned and becomes terribly moody.

- Practices rituals that appear to have no function

Not that I know off.

- May play with dolls or toys well beyond the typical age for these items

Yes! As I said earlier she played with dolls until she was 14 an read princess magazines designed for 6 year olds. She doesn't do that anymore, but she still has very childish habits.

- Appears to have attractions or aversions to sensory stimuli, such as textures, foods, sounds, or visual patterns

Yes to all of this! Especially sounds. Growing up together I had to be very careful about how loud I had the tv on and almost couldn't play any music out loud from my cd player(and I was a teen). She would come out from her room in a rage if I did.


- May engage in limited self-stimulating behavior, such as hand flapping, rocking, spinning, or shifting from foot to foot

She did this as a child, but not as an adult. She still has some weird movements though, especially with her hands. It's hard to describe.


So what do you think? I would appreciate answers and different opinions.

Would also like to say that she managed to finish high school, but never went to college. She has been unemployed most of the time after that, but has finally started as a bus driver with the help from the government. She still lives at home isolating herself, but at least she has a job now...

somehow, the picture i get is of a learning disability. there may be some autistic traits in there but i don't think that's the full story.

A learning disability?

That's strange. Why do you think that if I may ask? It doesn't hit me at all. Never once did any of her schools or teachers mention learning disability. They just said she was doing ok in all her subjects all though she was very quiet and had very few friends.
She also reached all her milestones on time when she was little(crawling, walking, talking etc). She also had no delay in speech, reading, writing, maths and so on. But she has had major social issues all her life. It's totally ruined her...

AS is a PDD (pervasive develoment disorder). much of development is about learning social skills. so, there's arguably a fair bit of potential over-lap. but what you've written in places strikes me as excessively child like. possibly more extremely autistic than AS. but it does seem to me to have the feeling of a learning disability. it's only an impression. but somehow the uneven skills set that comes with AS just doesn't appear to be there. there just don't appear to be the positive qualities i associate with AS. and that's possibily why i seem to think this is more like a learning disablity than a pervasive development disorder.

I understand what you mean now. There has definitely been a delay in social skills and she still has a very long way to go. I now she needs a psychiatrist to have a proper screening, but there is no way we can have a discussion about this as she refuses to talk about her situation. She is very closed.

I know that one of the positives of having aspergers is being gifted in one area. But does this have to be clear? Like being a genius in maths for instance? Can you be diagnosed if you don't have a special talent?

I've studied psychology an uni for a year (not for long I know), but that's when I first really realised she had autistic traits. All I want to do is help her.

when you asked me to justify my opinion, i did a double take on your original post just to make sure i wasn't accidentally barking up the wrong tree. and i'd have to say that in my opinion i think what i originally told you does have some merit. but i'm not in the position to give you any kind of formal diagnosis. and even these can vary, depending on who does the diagnosis, what techniques they use and how rigorous they are in their assessment, etc, etc. whilst one doesn't have to be gifted in any particular area of ability to have a diagnosis of AS, i do think that in general there are areas where the brain compensates for one disability with a hightened ability in another area, much like blind people often have hightened senses of hearing, smell, taste and/or touch. and i really feel that isn't evident here. what you describe seems to me more a kin to a petulant child than someone struggling to make sense of the world. and let me say again, this is just the impression that i get from what you've written about your sister. it's hardly the most objective view possible. all i've done here is tell you very honestly what i think of what you wrote.