Someone please help me! :(

I really need to know if my boyfriend possibly has Asperger's Syndrome. We have been together for about 2 and 1/2 years now. I am 22 years old, and he is 25 years old. We recently moved in with each other 2 months ago. Now that I have been living with him, I have started to notice many new things that are bothering me. I always thought my boyfriend was a little odd, but I didn't think much of it until now. In fact, I have been keeping notes every time he did something odd. For example, every time we talked on the phone, it would be extremely awkward. I felt like I was forcing a conversation most of the time, or I would always have to say his name in order for him to respond. It's like he doesn't know how to talk on the phone or know when it is his turn to talk. So we barely talk on the phone now and we just resort to text messaging. When he texts, his grammar is really horrible. He forgets to put commas, periods, or any punctuation mark. And when he tells me about his day, it is always very very detailed. He explains every second of his day without missing any detail even if it has nothing to do with his story. When he eats, he has very awkward posture when holding utensils. He will hold a spoon or fork with his whole hand. Basically how a caveman would hold a spoon and eat his food. When he is sitting on the couch, he will hold one of his hands up to his chest for the whole time that he is sitting there. He is also obsessed with movies and video games. He owns over 300 movies and tons of video games and loves to talk about them all the time. If we are going out on a date, he always suggests going to the movie theatre. He never thinks of doing something else. It is very frustrating because I don't just want to see a movie like we always do, but he doesn't understand why I get sick of it. Also, on my past 2 birthdays and the past 2 valentine's day, he did not get me a gift or anything. I wasn't expecting much, but he didn't understand why I was so upset. He has the same exact routine everyday. Work, come home and go on the computer, watch a movie, go to sleep. He will only drink lemonade and order fast food everyday, and it is always the same exact items at the fast food restaurant. He enjoys eating the same exact things everyday. When I try to get physically intimate with him, he never picks up my sexual cues or "hints". Every time we get intimate, he has to initiate. When I initiate, it always fails because he doesn't understand what I am trying to hint at. For example, the other day, I was kissing him and trying to give him a "hint", but he was playing a video game and did not care. He told me that he has to finish his video game first. I was so upset that day, and he did not understand why. He did not even bother to ask why I was upset or if I was okay. I am just really really confused and tired of being upset all the time. I feel like he never bothers to care about my feelings, and it is always about what he wants to do. Does he have any symptoms of Asperger's Syndrome? I really need to know. I love him and I want to help him, and I want our relationship to work out. Please let me know what I can do.

there's a book i've got on AS written by a woman (i can't remember the title or author just at the moment) that makes the claim within the intro that all men are to some extent autistic. and compared to women, it's probably true. so, much of what you describe could well fall under that category. yes, some aspects of what you describe do sound a little like AS. but there could be other explanations too. the real question you need to ask yourself is this: can you love him as he is? because for sure he's not going to change. men that have AS have some very redeeming qualities. they're very loyal. the chances of him cheating on you are much lower than a man that is more NT. but they can lack attentiveness at times too. you really need to be dropping heavier hints. and if that doesn't work, just come right out and say what you mean. there's no point in you trying to be subtle if subtlety isn't working!!! and that goes for being intimate too. try grabbing him, hauling him up the stairs to the bedroom, throwing him on the bed and ripping his clothes off - if that doesn't work, chances are he was having a bad day anyway!!! OK, i exaggerate a little. but i'm sure you get the picture.

Lovely25 wrote:In fact, I have been keeping notes every time he did something odd.

I gotta admit, this part really made me laugh.

Shock got to the root of the question, and that's if you can/are willing to handle it or not. If you aren't, then you may want to rethink your relationship with him.

It's very easy for people to get into the habit of " I want person X to do Y. It's great to want perfection, but largely speaking you won't get it. Trust me, I know how hard it is to try coming to that realization.

He could have AS, PDD-NOS, or could just have his own personality quirks. Any of this is really possible...but we aren't professional psychiatrists though. Meaning...we can't diagnose him "officially" or even really "unofficially" given that we can't physically interact with him.

The things you may want to ask yourself. First, is what he's doing interfering in a negative way with your relationship with him. If so, can you live with it? Is the possible AS interfering with his life?
Depending on your motives and the answers to these, there may be things you should do/try.

i'm not sure if i should mention this really but i knew someone like your boyfriend who's wife left him. it completely destroyed him. don't think he doesn't love you just because he doesn't show it in the ways you think he ought to.

Lovely25 wrote:When he texts, his grammar is really horrible. He forgets to put commas, periods, or any punctuation mark.

I've noticed a lot of people in general suck in this field. I have a couple friends and family members who send texts where I have no idea wtf they are saying, as it's just a paragraph of one giant run-on sentence. It can be quite confusing, sometimes frustrating, trying to make sense of what they're saying.

And when he tells me about his day, it is always very very detailed. He explains every second of his day without missing any detail even if it has nothing to do with his story.

An upside to this? At least you know he's being completely honest with you You may not care to know how many flushes it took for his bm to go down the toilet, but at least you can take refuge in knowing this is a man who will like never cheat on you...I'd doubt if he even notices other women. If he did, he'd likely mention her a lot without even realizing it.

He owns over 300 movies and tons of video games and loves to talk about them all the time.

The first half sounds like my sisters boyfriend. I'd estimate he has probably 1000-if not more-movies, and hundreds of video games. The last half sounds like my ex-boyfriend. I think it's just a guy thing.
I've spent a lot of time in the company of guys (I tend to get along with them better) and they almost always want to talk about movies, or video games, or the latest techno-gadget. Sometimes it's like they're speaking their own language and I'm just a casual observer feeling like an idiot asking "What does *bla bla bla* mean?"

If we are going out on a date, he always suggests going to the movie theatre. He never thinks of doing something else. It is very frustrating because I don't just want to see a movie like we always do, but he doesn't understand why I get sick of it. Also, on my past 2 birthdays and the past 2 valentine's day, he did not get me a gift or anything. I wasn't expecting much, but he didn't understand why I was so upset. He has the same exact routine everyday. Work, come home and go on the computer, watch a movie, go to sleep. He will only drink lemonade and order fast food everyday, and it is always the same exact items at the fast food restaurant. He enjoys eating the same exact things everyday. When I try to get physically intimate with him, he never picks up my sexual cues or "hints". Every time we get intimate, he has to initiate. When I initiate, it always fails because he doesn't understand what I am trying to hint at.

Again, sounds much like my ex, except we never went on dates. But yeah, he'd always want Wendy's or McDonalds and always order the same thing. He always wanted to just stare at the tv either watching a movie or a show. Like, ALWAYS!!! I told him time and again "I feel like I don't even know you anymore. You always just want to stare at a box, we rarely have conversations anymore. The distance just keeps growing wider between us." How did he respond? By saying nothing and continuing to stare at the screen. My birthday and Christmas went by, all I got was a "Happy birthday babe." or "Merry Christmas babe." For Christmas, I bought myself a couple small things and addressed a card to me "from him" on it. He thought I was weird for that and seemed to take offence to it. Whenever we had time off from work, he'd take off to go visit his mom and brother-a 4 hour bus-ride from where we live. I asked him flat out if he had another woman on the side. He took offence to that. I asked him why he never wanted to spend time with me. He said that he did want to. I asked "Then why do you never spend time with me?" in response, he stared at the idiot box. The final straw for me was when he switched to a shift that was the complete opposite of mine-without even attempting to discuss it with me first-he told me in a text message, followed by "I'm going to visit my mom and brother. I know you'll be mad." I told him "This clearly isn't working out." He acted surprised that I ended things and seemed to genuinely not understand why it wasn't working out. (The gift thing, I can forgive. Money was tight, and he's not creative enough to even craft a card. I also had to buy a gift for his mom "from him". Well, I didn't have to.) In retrospect, I wonder if he has undiagnosed AS.

For example, the other day, I was kissing him and trying to give him a "hint", but he was playing a video game and did not care. He told me that he has to finish his video game first. I was so upset that day, and he did not understand why. He did not even bother to ask why I was upset or if I was okay.

This is where being a....insert family friendly term (think "What does Santa say 3 times?)...can often be helpful. Or not. I find once in a relationship going straight for the goods can still lead to rejection. Us being women, we take offence to this as it affects our self-esteem on a certain level. "Is his game really more interesting than getting intimate with me?" "Is he not attracted to me anymore?" We could stand right in front of the screen in our birthday suits rubbing oil on ourselves, and he'd try to look around you "Babe, you're in my way! ARGH!!! I just died cuz of you!" which makes us feel like we died too, on the inside. In the early stages of relationships-at least in my experiences-they almost always want it. Especially if we're offering! I think when couples get comfortable with eachother, they tend to start taking the other for granted without even realizing it. He's in the zone with his game, on a hot streak, so he wants to keep playing while the getting is good-totally oblivious to the hot streak right beside him offering good-gets. Subconsciously to him, you're always around therefore he can always get to you later. Yes, I know, he can always get to that darn game later too! Generally, guys think differently than us. And we do it to them too, in different ways. I know there have been times I've turned down boyfriends in the past-consistently-for whatever reasons, and they'd be the ones feeling upset and hurt. Many women do this, hence the classic "I have a headache" line. But yeah, I didn't bother going to see why he was sulking. I knew why he was, and I didn't want to listen to the guilt-trip. I wasn't in the mood for It, or him, or the complaining. Other times, I'd give in and just give him what he wanted (even though I didn't want it) and then he'd stop and complain that he felt like he was raping me. It was a catch-22. I couldn't please him by giving him what he wanted because I didn't want it. But if I didn't give him what he wanted because I didn't want it, he'd complain about that too. I hope that makes sense. Maybe couples just go through phases where one loses his or her libido for a while. Or maybe it really is the result of a more deep-seated issue. I know with a couple of my exes, and I'm not saying this is the case with your man toward you, I had lost attraction-but not love-toward them. (One treated me like dirt and made me cry all the time. The other was too comfortable with me, farting so often that I became terrified of his backside, plus he'd describe his bm's to me with pride. Not very appealing!)