Can't understand if this is love or not?

I already have problems trying to understand other people sometimes so trying to understand someone else is harder especially since im an aspie.

I started messing around with this guy I liked and he ended up being my boyfriend. We’ve been together for a month and a half. Before we officially started dating we were actually good friends with a lot of things in common. We have the same type of personality and we are both goofy idiots that laugh about nothing most of the time and it makes people around us think we are crazy. I ended up moving into my friends house, which is where he kind of lingered I guess is the right word to choose. Technically, we lived together and shared a room from day one of our relationship. He’s already met many people in my family just because it kind of happened that way. Neither of us forced that. I believe our relationship moved extremely fast.

I know he’s had a troubled past from day one, as a matter of fact that first conversation we had was him speaking of a incident that happened to him in the past where he got in trouble. He’s been to prison before, and out. He’s on parole now. He had been talking about the day that he was going to be going back to jail soon, and It made me sad. I mentally prepared myself for it. But as the day got closer, another play came up. He decided he was going to run away from the state and stay gone till his charge would be forgotten, he claimed seven years. And that really upset me. I only had two days to try and keep him here which I managed to do. He didn’t run away, nor did he go to jail. So I was happy about both.

The day that I thought he was leaving to run away was the day that I was away from him. (I’ve seen him every single day for a month and a half, shared a room and bed.) So I had gotten use to him being there and helping me out. He fixed my car when it broke down on me. I had come to the conclusion that I was in love with him, but can’t understand it because I have never been this way for anyone. And the fact that our relationship has only been a month and a half has made me believe that maybe I just didn’t want him to leave due to separation anxiety. It’s been about two weeks since this realization and I have yet to speak to him about it. Though the friend we lived with says she thinks it’s love. I’m just not sure..I care a lot about him. Get worried about him, always trying to make sure he’s ok.

Well, there is no possible way that anyone on earth can answer that for you, not even a doctor. Only you can figure that out.

That being said, I think it is too early to tell if you love him, and to early to truly know. I think you could really like him, and if you do, do what you can to help him and maybe slow things down a bit, especially if he is having police trouble. You don't want to get in any trouble that you are not prepared for or a part of.

I will also say this, being with someone who is in trouble with the law can be very very draining. I have been with my boyfriend for three years, he is very opposite from me, and has his own troubles. After a month of dating, he got pulled over (with me in the car too) and was arrested for a DUI involving meth and other drugs. It was very traumatic to me, and it took me a long time to move past the incident, though I did stay with him. It took about another year and a half, and a whole other court case and more jail time for him to get clean. There have been many many time where I wondered if it was worth it and if we would be able to last. I am a strong person, and I don't think I could have managed without that strong will that I have.

So, to sum up, if you think things are going good, then don't push it! Don't try and make it a stressor in your life. It shouldn't be. If things start to get very complicated, you will need to ask yourself if he and the relationship are worth it. But just have fun. "Love" really isn't a label you need to use.

i think you need to ask yourself: why are you asking this question? if you loved him, i think you'd know it. so, let's assume that either you don't love him but want to or that you do love him but don't know what love really is. candidly, some people fall in love easily and fall out of love just as easily. if i were you i'd just see where this is going. there's no need to try to force the issue.

I have several various random thoughts about this, unrelated to each other so I'll just list them out.

1) I heard a definition of love once that makes sense on a logical level: "Love is when the health and happiness of the other person is essential to your own happiness". This is a VERY general definition and can cover anything from loving your mom to your dog. But, it is true. That being said, just because you do "love" someone doesn't mean you should be with them!

2) Another thing I heard once, and it sums up why I married for the wrong reasons the first time, and did it right the 2nd time. And when you talked about being used to having him there and how he was helping you, it made think of this: "Immature love says: "I love you because I need you", mature love says: "I need you because I love you"" There are MANY different types of love, and some just last longer than others. Some are temporary, and that doesn't make them any less valuable, they simply don't make for a long-lasting relationship.

3) Love is only one ingredient in a good relationship. This touches on Aspieme's post, you not only have to think about whether you love him, but whether you really want to be in a relationship with him. The former does not necessarily equate to the latter.

4) Love has many stages. Your relationship is so new you need more time to get past the "honeymoon" stage to know if it's a lasting thing or not. There is no way around this except time. There really isn't. Yes there are people who marry right away and end up staying together, but that's just good luck.

5) Shock_the_monkey is right too. So, "what he said"

To sum it up: you may or not be "in love" with him, but the bottom line is that's really secondary to all the other considerations you should think about.

slugger wrote:"Love is when the health and happiness of the other person is essential to your own happiness".

This is a very interesting definition that I haven't heard before. Thinking back a bit in time, I can't say I "loved" that many people by using that kinda definition. I think it's accurate..not disputing it, just something I never really thought of before.

TDT wrote:

slugger wrote:"Love is when the health and happiness of the other person is essential to your own happiness".

This is a very interesting definition that I haven't heard before. Thinking back a bit in time, I can't say I "loved" that many people by using that kinda definition. I think it's accurate..not disputing it, just something I never really thought of before.

love is when you care more about the happiness of the other person than you do about your own happiness. the above could imply that you only care about the happiness of the other person because it might impact on your own happiness. i don't think that's love. i think that's self-interest. a british politician (and i can't remember which one) once said: the only form of interest is self-interest. true love may well be an exception to that. the bible says: Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends (http://bible.cc/john/15-13.htm). i think that's much closer to the true meaning of love. i keep telling my special friend that all i want to do is to make her happy. and whilst there might be a cetain economy of truth in this (because i'd like to be happy myself), it's not at all far from the truth.

Point taken Shock, although I think you're speaking more specifically to what you called "true love", while my definition was much broader, but yes I also can agree with the difference between whether a feeling is more "selfish" or more for the other person...... After that it comes down to semantics.
There is a problem with the English language, that the word "love" is used for way too many things. I love my husband, I love my mother, I love my cat, and I love pizza! Really? One word for all of those, no wonder young people are confused about "what love is"!

slugger wrote:There is a problem with the English language, that the word "love" is used for way too many things. I love my husband, I love my mother, I love my cat, and I love pizza! Really? One word for all of those, no wonder young people are confused about "what love is"!

i think the greeks had 2 forms: amore (lust) and agape (love). both might apply to your husband, the latter to your mother and your cat and the former to pizza!!! but i'm just guessing here.

shock_the_monkey wrote:

slugger wrote:There is a problem with the English language, that the word "love" is used for way too many things. I love my husband, I love my mother, I love my cat, and I love pizza! Really? One word for all of those, no wonder young people are confused about "what love is"!

i think the greeks had 2 forms: amore (lust) and agape (love). both might apply to your husband, the latter to your mother and your cat and the former to pizza!!! but i'm just guessing here.

I think both apply to pizza too