The worst pain imaginable.

I've always been introverted, but unlike some of you, I still desire to socialize and form relationships with people.

The problem is I don't know how, and act too weird, distant, and insecure around people.

It's especially bad with women, because I feel unable to relate to them even more so than with other men. And if they're attractive, the anxiety only increases.

Sometimes I'll say hi or make brief small talk with people without any trouble. Then, some time later, they'll engage me and I'll be at a loss on how to conduct myself or what to say. Then they think I've snubbed them and never really talk to me again.

I guess what I'm saying is that going through life like this is the worst pain imaginable. You desire the relationships others have, but can't attain them.

Nobody understands you, or even worse is they think they do but have formed a very innacurate picture.

I get what your saying. But I think I might be a bit older than you. The thing about being an Aspie is that is is a developmental issue.

And as we get older we can learn how to cope and negate some of the negative aspects.

I have spent so many years studying NT that I am pretty adept at imitating them for short periods.

here is one of my thoughts. A female friend went on a double date with me and a new girl. She said I seem normal out on a date.

I think that when NT go on dates they are nervous and sensitive and feel awkward. I feel awkward almost all the time so when I am in a awkward setting for a NT it gives me an advantage.

Also I seem almost "popular" on the internet. When I got divorced I had to learn how to date. I didnt know how to talk with females well. So i devised a strategy and created about 9 different approaches and used them on 15 - 20 different girls each all online.

Than I gathered the information and used it to determine what approach I use to address women now. It is working ok but I think I am still a little to much of an over sharer ... and its very selfish of me to date women when I am so depressed.

So I just keep practicing.

JP84CE1 wrote:I've always been introverted, but unlike some of you, I still desire to socialize and form relationships with people.

ditto.

JP84CE1 wrote:The problem is I don't know how, and act too weird, distant, and insecure around people.

it's not so much a matter of 'knowing'. i think it's more instinctive than that. but it does get somewhat easier with practice, even though i can still only really handle one-to-one conversations.

JP84CE1 wrote:It's especially bad with women, because I feel unable to relate to them even more so than with other men. And if they're attractive, the anxiety only increases.

that's because you're thinking about the wrong things. the trick to socialising with women is to forget that they are women and treat them as just people. if you're staring at their assets, and i do know that some (if not most) do this, then you're hardly going to have your mind on making conversation. always look them in the eyes (difficult if you're not good at eye contact). they like that. it means you're paying attention to them. it also mean you like them enough to be interested in them (but not necessarily in a sexual way, as most men might think). and the other trick to do is to develop good listening skills and be able to ask interested questions about them. everyone loves to talk about themselves, and women are no exception. indeed, women love talking more than men and also love talking about themselves more than men too. in short, if you can do this you can have a whole conversation without having to say anything much about yourself and they'll love it and love you too.

JP84CE1 wrote:For years and years my habbit was to come home from work, smoke pot, and surf the web. I'm still struggling with it. It sucks coming home to be alone with nothing but your thoughts. The nights are always the worst. Bored and lonely.

and BTW, your cannabis habit won't be helping you much here, if you’re still smoking it.

JP84CE1 wrote:Sometimes I'll say hi or make brief small talk with people without any trouble. Then, some time later, they'll engage me and I'll be at a loss on how to conduct myself or what to say. Then they think I've snubbed them and never really talk to me again.

much of what i've said above applies here. but in terms of answering personal questions in ‘real time’, there's a number of ways you can buy yourself some time, like 'i'm not really sure, i'll have to get back to you' or 'what do you think?' or 'i've never thought about it before', etc, etc, etc.

JP84CE1 wrote:I guess what I'm saying is that going through life like this is the worst pain imaginable. You desire the relationships others have, but can't attain them.

it isn't, you know. i've been there. and i still am occasionally. but in terms of pain, nothing beats being so severely depressed you want to kill yourself but can't figure out how are haven't even got the will left to try. believe me, that's far worse.

JP84CE1 wrote:Nobody understands you, or even worse is they think they do but have formed a very innacurate picture.

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most people don't really care about others. and why should they, really??? what’s in it for them??? probably nothing! it's one of those peculiar things that people say this kind of thing when in reality it's a bit irrelevant. i think this stems from the fact that as babies or infants or even children, the worst threat to our existence is abandonment. hence, we feel the need to be understood and cared for accordingly. but when one is grown to adulthood it becomes a distinctly juvenile behaviour. and most people avoid those that indulge themselves in it because they don't want to be dragged down by it themselves. basically, it's just a form of self-pity. and self-pity never gets anyone anywhere. sorry, but that's true.