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Do you like / get along with your family?

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Do you like / get along with your family?

Postby Fallen_Angel73 » Sat Nov 17, 2012 7:03 am

Especially your parents: do you like them / get along with them? Was it always like that? Also: did you show a marked preference for playing alone in your kindergarten years, or did you try and fail at being accepted by the other kids?

I'm fairly sure that the relationship you have/had with your family has a lot to do with wanting or not wanting social contact later in life. The thing about playing alone in kindergarten, though, I'm not sure if it has any link. (I was one of the kids who preferred to play alone.)

I can say with confidence that I don't particularly like my parents. Today I'm mostly neutral towards my father, and I manage to get along with my mother, but still, just being in the same house as her is draining. I really didn't like and didn't get along at all with them until recently.

My mother has a tendency to be the emotional victim of everything, and my father has a tendency to do nothing other than defend her whenever she's involved in any situation. Neither of them seems to understand the concept of privacy. Overall I think they were mediocre parents, and very incompatible with me. I knew it very well when they were wrong, but they would never admit that I could be right.

My brother and I get along without a problem. We were never very close, but never very had too strong negative feelings towards each other for long. My sister, on the other hand, for many years alternated between best friend and worst enemy. If she's not borderline, she's at least "borderline-ish".

After she deliberately decided to meddle in my life (when I had told her not to) and ruin all the support I had at a very delicate point in my life, I stopped talking to her altogether. She still refuses to apologize and doesn't seem to understand why I wouldn't talk to her. I don't know how much, but I think this long history of conflict with my sister also contributed to my isolation and adaption issues.
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Re: Do you like / get along with your family?

Postby herflik » Sat Nov 17, 2012 12:32 pm

I am neutral with my family. There dont attack me nor I try to attack them in any way, we somewhat accepted that we are "living in two seperate worlds".
I know they did best what they could do, that they care and love me as parents, that is most important for me even if they arent able to give me what I need. I never really had any relation in my life that would fullfill my intellectual needs. That is giant problem for me, since I always had need to have a "master/guru".
But I dont hold any grudges towards my family, maybe only grand parents. They just abandomed me "for free", didnt really try to even know me, thats why I dont even count them to much into my family.
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Re: Do you like / get along with your family?

Postby TDT » Sat Nov 17, 2012 1:05 pm

I kinda get along with my father, much of the time.

My mother and my father divorced at the very beginning of my ability to recall anything, and I stayed with my father.

My father and I are very different people in a lot of ways, but he kinda prefers to do things alone (like I do as well), so that helped me out a lot while I was growing up. I spent most of my time in middle/high school alone, usually, and he didn't really try to force anything. I had my computer near by, and video games too...and he kinda let me have more free range to do what I wanted without being bothered too much. He did have rules, and wanted me to do stuff of course..but it wasn't like he was really trying to change my personality.

We've grown apart since then, though. He is pretty attached to talking to me..multiple times a day really. Unfortunately, our viewpoint on the world is vastly different. I still respect his opinion, but like with others, I have a hard time talking to him about anything but my own obsessions. Sometimes these interests overlap (e.g. when I was exercising heavily a few months ago), but most of the time they don't. We still spend time around each other, but I'm still usually on my computer, playing video games, or reading while he's watching TV. It's definitely not the way he idealized it being...but it's not bad either. We see each other every few weeks right now.

I haven't really known my mother, and I'm kinda glad of that..but that's a long story that's not really worth even bringing up.
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Re: Do you like / get along with your family?

Postby vballplayer20 » Sat Nov 17, 2012 3:40 pm

I've never gotten along with my family very well. We're on and off. I had such a rough relationship with my parents that I was diagnosed with ODD. My dad has punched two holes through my door. Sooo...it depends. I do love my mom but my dad an I are WAY up and down.

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Re: Do you like / get along with your family?

Postby aspemawhat? » Sat Nov 17, 2012 8:17 pm

My mother decided that she do not like my wife a lot so she lost me completely.

My brother will phone to borrow money if a few times a year, so that kills the love a little.

Making contact with the other family feels like a lot of work so i just keep postponing.

On my wife's side it's different. Every one is into everyone's lives 24/7/365. I just suck it up, because I get a feeling that it keeps my wife sane, but sometimes I feel quite jealous that they can stick together no matter what.

Sometimes i feel bad about my relationship with my mother, because she did not have a nice life either, but she only need to say she's sorry and stop her crap and all will change.
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Re: Do you like / get along with your family?

Postby TDT » Sun Nov 18, 2012 3:13 pm

Families are very interesting..the personality of a family is interesting to look at. Some families, as was posted, are in each other's life totally...others split up and the two never talk to each other.

Another odd thing about my family..my more extended family (grandparent, uncle, etc), is that *everyone* will usually go through my father instead of contacting me directly about anything. For example, my extended family is getting a thanksgiving thing going. They called my father, who said that he may not be able to make it due to work (although now he can), and they then asked him if I was able to make it. Even more interesting is the way this was asked...my uncle asked my grandmother, who asked my father, who asked me. Soooooo unnecessary, and kinda offensive. It's interesting because I am *never* asked directly about if I can do anything. It pretty much always goes through my father. Furthermore, most of my extended family won't even contact me directly (by phone or otherwise) to find out what's going on in my life (if they care). Usually they call my father to ask him. It's a very odd situation for sure...not that i mind it much.

The other side of my family, my mother's side, actually hates me. They don't know me, but they hate my mother (and I admit for good reason), so they automatically hate me by association. My father offered for both him and I to see my grandparents on that side of the family, and they didn't want anything to do with me. Another odd situation.

Well, goes to show...families are broken, as many people are, in various ways.
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Re: Do you like / get along with your family?

Postby MeELC » Mon Nov 19, 2012 9:10 pm

I love my parents and get along with both of them, and I tell my mom everything. I don't talk to my dad as much but there is a quiet sense of understanding between him and I. I think he has AS too.
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Re: Do you like / get along with your family?

Postby AprilR » Mon Nov 19, 2012 9:44 pm

I'm not really close to my parents because they're kind of out of touch with my life ( and with each other's too!)
I guess i get along with them superficially but don't really communicate because i have already tried it countless times before and.. there's just not that kind of atmosphere in our house.
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Re: Do you like / get along with your family?

Postby slugger » Mon Nov 19, 2012 11:15 pm

I think the point is that we aspies are less likely to "like" someone purely based on the fact that they're family. I've often heard NT's saying something like "Well of course I love him, he's my brother!" (or mother, or sister, or cousin, etc). I do like my family, but mostly because they are actually likeable.
My mother-in-law started telling my husband: "tell your wife I love her" back when she barely knew me, and it surprised me at the time. But I took as a sincere sentiment because that's how they are, they love family because they're family no matter what.

Most of my family is like me, very stoic, and ASD runs in the blood, so we all get along pretty well.
Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on it's ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid. ~Albert Einstein

It is better to have a heart without words than words without a heart. ~Ghandi
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Re: Do you like / get along with your family?

Postby TDT » Tue Nov 20, 2012 2:40 pm

In the case of my family, I wish ASD ran a little more in the blood. I don't think my father has it, and definitely don't think that my grandmother or cousins have it. I know because whenever I go to family events, I really feel out of place. I'm okay with just my father, but anyone else and I just shell up and don't feel comfortable talking to anyone.

I'm not looking forward to Thanksgiving....have to spend time with my father, uncle/aunt, cousins, and grandmother. Kinda want to say I just don't want to go...heh.
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