I've got a humdinger of a problem, something i've never dealt with before. My life this past year has been turned upside down and I don't exactly know what to do. I could use some advice. Bear with me, this is going to be long.
In 2009 I started dating a girl who was getting a divorce. The divorce was not yet final and the couple have a then four year-old daughter. My girlfriend seemed very unhappy with her ex and they still lived together. He would frequently call her in a rage and be very threatening and controlling, often threatening me (through her, he NEVER talked directly to me) and she would often bow-down to whatever he told her to do. Some of the threats toward me were bizarre - placing child pornography on my computer, placing trackers on my vehicle and monitoring my cell phone. The guy really seemed to believe that he could do this and expected both her and I to be afraid. I laughed them off as stupid, however she always seemed concerned as if she believed him.
And there's more bizarre stuff.
This guy had my girlfriend convinced that he came from a mafia family and that his dad was a killer. He threatened her routinely that both his dad and his "mafia connections" could make her "disappear". Yet strangely, he also told her that the FBI had recruited him to assist in an investigation against his then boss - a private investigator. Because of his FBI connections, he had her absolutely convinced that he could disappear with their daughter into the Witness Protection program at any moment and that there was a flight out of the local Air Force base waiting for him anytime he wanted to "go away". She really seemed to be afraid of this. It was just bizarre.
I would like to give some background on this guy for just a second - it's all very relevant.
Her Ex had been managing a remote office for a private investigator. He was not a PI himself, but rather a licensed Processor Server who had limited rights of trespress to serve unsuspecting people court documents and notices to appear - a job he seemed to love. While working for this investigator, he began performing some skip-tracing duties which included finding debtors and people who skipped out on payments. He tried to get a PI license but was denied because he has a federal felony criminal conviction in 2001 for money laundering for an Asian meth amphetamine ring. He was sentenced to five years for his role, but only served 6 months because he rolled on his co-defendants and testified against them. They are still in prison but about to get out very soon. This guy seems to LOVE working around organzations that allow him access to private or sensitive information along with some legal ability to trespass. At the same time, he did anything he could to screw his boss over behind his back.
Going forward, her ex did not like her leaving him and dating me. He used his daughter against her and threatened and bullied her so much that she gave him full custody of their daughter. He told her that she'd "disappear" if she showed up in court. I tried hard to convince her to go the night before, but she kept insisting, "i'm afraid of what will happen if I do". She didn't go, he got full control and that's when things really went to hell.
What happened next really shocked me - he threatened her into leaving me and then he/they filed for an order of protection against me. The charges were bizarre and I hired a lawyer to fight it. It was very obvious to me that this was really his battle with me and not hers, but I had a very difficult time trying to convince my lawyer. The case got dragged out over two months due to many continuances, during which time they kept submitting more and more bizarre allegations to the court. They also filed a police report saying that I was stalking them and showing up at parties, obviously trying to get my arrested for temporary restraining order violation. They gave the court the police report number and stated in written record I violated the order. Meanwhile, I went down to the station and pulled the report and the police sergeant stated in the report that there was no evidence that I ever came anywhere near them. Nothing ever became of this, however the judge failed to cite them for perjury and they got away with it. All of these bizarre allegations are now a matter of court record in my background which concerns me very much.
It gets worse.
Whenever a female files for an order of protection, the police automatically get involved, something which my now ex-girlfriend admitted she didn't know. They had to investigate the allegations and I guess they were forced to cooperate for fear of getting caught lying to the court, but either way the police report was bizarre and I ended up getting charged with Domestic Violence-Harassment. I will say that I have absolutely NO criminal background or previous charges and I am a middle-aged man. I did not plea out and I hired a lawyer to file the charges. The police report for the investigation was very bizarre - naming people whom I had nothing to do with, saying that I threatened people with guns, and her ex-idiot telling the detective that he was an investigator and that it was his job to "track people and learn about them". It was just crazy.
Anyway, while all of this was going on, her ex-idiot showed up at my place of employment along with a police detective from another city to serve me court papers (I work in a major urban city but reside in a suburb where I am being charged). This guy has a process server's license so he is allowed to come onto my work grounds. HOWEVER, it is ILLEGAL for a process server to serve papers or be along during a serve when he/she has a vested interest in the outcome of the case. At the time, I did not know this so accepted the papers because I was embarassed and wanted them gone. They caused ONE HELL of a mess - they barged in on various floors trying to find me and when the HR department tried to deny them he got PISSED OFF - he evidently started swearing and went into a rage. He also then started telling the HR Director that I beat up his ex-wife and that I frequently hired hookers (none of which is true). She threatened him with legal action if he didn't calm down, and the police detective evidently intervened. Still, he didn't seem to have any regard that what he was doing was wrong and didn't seem to care. He was trying to tarnish my reputation to my co-workers.
When it came time for court, neither of these idiots would cooperate. They dragged the case out for a long time (it's been a year now) and played games with the prosecutor. When my lawyer tried to exercise my sixth amendment right by interviewing the witnesses, they both balked and insisted on being subpoenaed which meant I had to pay for a deposition. When it came time to have them served with the subpoena, neither of them would answer the door at their home. The notice was taped to their door, and he called and chewed out the prosecutor, saying it was an illegal serve, etc. The prosecutor submitted the voice mail to the case file and was very angry. Finally, the deposition happened and the prosecutor became convinced that this was not a good case. A few weeks ago I found out that the city is dropping the charges against me. He told my lawyer that he would not notify them until the last possible minute for fear that he would harass me.
While all of this was going on, people who wrote declarations on my behalf began getting phone calls at all hours of the night, sometimes nonstop. They seem to be coming from spoofed numbers which go nowhere when you dial them. It's been very maddening for the people who've helped me. We are all convinced that this idiot is behind it all. After talking with him a few times, my lawyer is convinced that he is a high-functioning sociopath. She's concerned that I will be harassed by this guy for a good long time, if not the rest of my life. I need to get an anti-harassment order against him once these charges are formally dropped, however i'm absolutely NOT looking forward to another round of absolutely CRAZY court documents and statements on court record which he will surely make during the hearing. He sounds very convincing and I hate having all of this stuff on public record. Additionally, i'm not sure that a RO will actually stop him from harassing me. BTW, I should mention that he no longer works for the private investigator - his boss died back in April. He doesn't seem to have any sort of job and my ex-girlfriend is on public assistance and he seems to be living off of her. All he seems to do is find ways of going after and getting revenge on people all day rather than get a job. My lawyer has noted this as well.
I need advice - how to I make this guy stop? What are some proven techniques that work on a sociopath?
I've begun taking self-defense training because this guy gets so full of rage. I'm afraid that if I keep winning he'll eventually get pushed to the limit and try and harm me physically. My friends are concerned for their safety as well.
What do I do?