How can I be happy with my body after weight loss?

I'm a 21 year old female who is 5'11 and weighed 271 pounds in January, which is when I seriously started losing weight. I have lost 65 pounds so far.

When the weight first started coming off my self confidence went up and I started to feel much better about myself. I was also eating really healthy balanced meals and exercising a sufficient amount. Now...8 months in to my weight loss journey I feel like I have completely lost it. My self confidence and self esteem is practically non-existent. I hate everything about myself. I have come to the point that even though I know deep down that I am much thinner than I used to be, I feel like the fattest person on the planet and hate myself even more now than I did when I was heavier. Most days I just feel like curling up and dying. I have started to pick out all the things that I hate and that bug me about my body and have become completely obsessed with trying to fix them. Now I have moved onto my face. The weird thing is...I know I'm not ugly..but I feel that way all the time. I've had a ton of people compliment me on how great I look and how pretty I am and such but I just feel so hideous all of the time. I feel like everyone is just saying those things because they truly feel sorry for me.

I have also lost the ability to eat healthy...I will go without eating all day and then when I do eat I binge on really unhealthy foods and feel extremely guilty immediately after. My exercise routine is quite vigorous. Other than work, that is all I do. I have to run for at least 1.5 hours a day and make sure to include at least an hour of stretching/strength training. And when I'm not working out hard I am either going for a walk or obsessing about my body. I seem to spend endless hours on the internet researching weight loss and body image.

The biggest problem with my body is the stretch marks I have. I have been deemed to have very thin and non-elastic skin which has left me with stretch marks EVERYWHERE due to the massive weight gain and loss. They are the main cause of my lack of self esteem. I feel like a monster because of them and that I'm missing out on my life because of them. I just ruined a relationship with a guy I really liked because I wasn't able to just be myself and be fun and happy and care-free because of them. I was too concerned with how I look and too worried that he would be totally disgusted by my body (flabby stomach and tons of stretch marks) I found it extremely hard to get close to him and barely let him touch me and never let him see me naked the whole time we were together. I feel like I really missed out on something great and it scares me to think that I'll never be able to let anyone love me because I don't love myself.

Does anyone else have experience with this kind of thing? Any suggestions on how I can learn to love my body and all of its flaws.
Thank you to everyone who reads all of this!

I have experience with this indeed, because I've been through it all years ago. I used to 'have to' cycle 30km everyday, do 2000 strokes on the rowing machine, and then do weights. I kept it going for 3 months and enjoyed the compliments that I got from people. However, it took a toll on me and as much as I tried to keep it all up, I couldn't. I became depressed and developed an eating disorder.

Nowadays, I just go to the gym every three days and do 40 minute jog on the treadmill + weights each time. I feel quite healthy, but still have food issues. Anyway, I had to have therapy to get through all of these nonsense thoughts in my head. I was diagnosed with OCD, which actually could explain everything from the rigorous exercising routines to the use of food for comfort. So, if you think that you are in no control over your life right now, then - simply put - you have to go to your local doctor. If you dont', where might you end up? Your brain cannot maintain the intensity that you want it to.

Kevin

Thanks so much for your reply, Kevin.

That sounds so similar to what has happened with me. I was able to keep up my very rigorous exercise routine and very strict diet for a few months and then I sort of snapped. Although I still follow a similar exercise routine, my eating habits have become a disaster. I think that by not eating properly I wasn't giving my body the nutrients it needed to keep up such a rigorous work-out routine, which is why I keep getting injured. I certainly wasn't giving my brain the proper nutrients it needed to cope, which I think is a huge part of the reason I've become depressed and have fallen back into old patterns with an eating disorder.

You're right..."If you don't, where might you end up?" I'm scared to think of the answer to that question. I think that's something I've already realized because I'm already seeing a counselor about my issues and have recently been referred to an eating disorder specialist. I'm really hoping that I'll be able to sort myself out and get on with the happy life that I should be living.

I really appreciate you taking the time to read and reply to this. It really helps hearing from others who have similar experiences. I wish you all the best!

You're right about 'not feeding your brain and body'. You know, back when I was doing all of that cycling each day, I eventually was only eating fruit everyday! You can imagine how exhausted I then became over time. I lost a lot of weight, but I was slowly destroying my body. Nowadays, I'm eating enough for my body to recover and I feel more energetic and stronger. I hate the way I have to define everything I eat, but that's just the way it is.

Good luck with the specialist. Please try. You have to really be willing to listen and accept the changes in your life that they suggest to you.

Kevin

If you have a excessive weight and you are able to lose it your body feel relaxed and happy.

I can understand your problem. Actually once after gaining weight it is very difficult to loss.No doubt, every one wants to be smart and look smart because smartness gives confidence and mental satisfaction.

Hello to all and especially to you KJames! I think you should feel happy that you achieved such good results..I have been there too..lack of confidence, been afraid to talk with the boy i liked till i didn'r realise that i have only one live to spend and that i am great person! Don't be ashaimed of your streched marks..do you know that men wont notice these marks if you don't show them!This info is according to a research that scienticed had made.So be happy with the man who likes you and be happy with your body!

If you lost alot of weight very quickly, your skin will be saggier than if you had gradually lost it.