Verbal abusive and NPD parents. Need help

Some background information:
My father has always said how he is my biggest supporter, and how he wants me to be successful in life. Although, my dad has a crazy abusive side to him that doesn't really match up to his encouraging words. I have always struggled in school, and whenever I bring home a bad report card my dad would always yell, scream, and threaten me with physical harm, and when I was younger he would actually beat me for certain things i let him down in. It's not just grades that set him off, it's basically anything that he disproves of. I have 2 other siblings that have struggled and been through the same as me. Hes broken my brothers nose before when he was little.

As of now, im a 23 year old male who is currently going to college. The last 2 quarters that I had my grades were pretty good and my dad was not upset with me. Although this quarter, I did very, very poorly. i am about to bring home a straight F report card. I have been dealing with some mental issues that i believe have had a major thing to do with my awful grades. Although I could never tell my dad that. He would claim that to be an excuse of someone who is pathetic and lazy.

The last time I brought home an F in college, when he found out, he immediately stood up with tremendous anger from his chair, threw the chair as hard as he could at our main door. Sat me down, then started yelling at me from about a foot away from my face. Yelling, about how I am lazy, how i am wasting his money, calling me names that degrade me in the most horrific ways you can imagine. he gets very creative when yelling and screaming. he was doing this with a clenched fist right up to my face, with spit flying from his mouth onto me. I consider myself i pretty tough guy but he broke me down into tears, my heart was pounding, and my body was shaking. I was scared for my life. He said if he ever found out i was doing bad at college again he would drive up to my college and smash my head in with a baseball bat. He did all this while my mom stood beside him and agreed with him. she always does this, and sometimes she even fuels his anger by saying off topic things that she doesn't like about me so she can see a very large scary man, yelling, threatening, and blurting out the most hurtful things you can think of. to this day, some of the words he called me when i was younger were so harsh that they still stick with me and torment me, the last time i brought home an F. Now, im about to bring home all F's and im really scared. I have suggested the military but he just says that, that would be taking the easy way out and how I am a bitch. Stuff like that. I could go on but I these experinces are all coming back to me and it really sucks. What do I do? I would appreciate any advice. And yeah, I know that my spelling is horrible

Making threats to your safety is illegal, and it might be a good idea to actually try to record him, without his knowledge, when he does this, as you could use this as evidence for the police. Your safety has to be paramount here.

I'm wondering if it is possible to get away from your parents as soon as possible, for your own emotional and physical safety. Your college may be able to advise you and you may be able to speak to a trusted tutor, who might be able to advise you about he help available for abused adult children, and any possible financial assistance you might require. Getting away to safety. has to be your first priority.

I'm really sorry that you're going through this. None of this is your fault. Your parents have no excuse to treat you in this way.

masquerade wrote:
it might be a good idea to actually try to record him, without his knowledge, ... you could use this as evidence for the police.

That's probably illegal and most likely is not admissable as evidence anyway.

I'm still doing it though! I started taping my abuser on a tiny little camcorder, for my own use really: it makes the abuse real, not something I imagined or "took the wrong way". I've got him admitting to punching me in the face, on tape.

-- Sun Feb 24, 2013 4:17 pm --

Nick99999 wrote: whenever I bring home a bad report card my dad would always yell, scream, and threaten me with physical harm, and when I was younger he would actually beat me

And is that a really successful way to motivate you? No, of course not. I've witnessed fathers like this, at sports events, yelling and screaming and swearing at their children for not doing better. A relative does this: I realised that by attending those events and saying nothing, I was unwittingly giving him permission to continue the behaviour. So now I don't attend, and if I'm asked why, I say because I don't like the abusive behaviour I see. I wish other people would say something, and not just stand by watching it.

Your father is totally out of order Nick, and I hope you've found some way to deal with him? You haven't checked back in, I hope you're OK