Verbally abusive ex... Stemming from history of child abuse

Good morning.

I am sad today.

I feel strong for walking 100 steps away from my ex, and yet I feel broken as I look back and he seems to be walking in the opposite direction. I embrace my sadness, and own it, because I lost someone I loved. The wonderful thing is I am able to own my feelings now, and not get carried away by it. I can choose to be sad and wallow all afternoon. I can also choose to simply feel it and relax with it and spend time with "sadness" until it fades away. Next thing I know, I'm looking for a new job, new apartment, friends are visiting my place, the sun rises and sets longer during summer days, the birds are still singing out my window, the clock is still ticking every second that passes by...

LIFE GOES ON...

Thank you for everything. Now I am learning to love myself again.

Next thing I know, I'm looking for a new job, new apartment, friends are visiting my place, the sun rises and sets longer during summer days, the birds are still singing out my window, the clock is still ticking every second that passes by...

LIFE GOES ON...

It sure does.

Thank you for everything. Now I am learning to love myself again.

As the song I posted says, "This is the day....your life will surely change"........

Denial.
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

Today, I'm in the bargaining stage. I miss my ex. I want to text him, and see how he's been doing, and take it from there.

How can I even think about this after all that I have been through? I'm struggling with myself on how a simple "hello" could ruin the progress that I've made for the past few weeks. I can't imagine how I have failed to listen to my own needs when I was in a relationship with him. Now I realized that I poured myself out too much on this past relationship, focusing on short term gratifications, when deep inside myself I had a crippling self-love and self-esteem.

I am going to be selfish today. If I text him, will it make me a better person? Am I loving myself more? Is it moving on towards my life-goals? Do I have enough love for myself that I am ready to love again this time?

Not just yet.

Not just yet.

Be selfish hun. Be totally selfish.

You're moving onwards.

http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipsti ... your-life/

I'm obsessing over my ex again.. But in a subtler way I think. The article above mentioned a dog-and-vomit analogy.

I can't wait for my exams next week to finish so I can go back to work and get on with my life!
God-willing I pass all my exams

That's a really helpful article, and so true.

It seems as if your emotions are up and down at the moment, and this is normal, and in lots of ways good, because it means you're processing them, you have accepted the reality of the situation even if you don't like it, and you're reclaiming your power.

I can't wait for my exams next week to finish so I can go back to work and get on with my life!
God-willing I pass all my exams

Good luck with your exams! In some ways the natural stress of them will give you something to focus on, and it will spur you on, not just to pass them, but to get on with your life.

Keep posting hun.

For the past few weeks, my emotions were like raging waves in the sea. Lately, the waves are getting smaller but it's still there. I can say that my rational mind is getting smarter than my broken heart who still needs a lot of healing.

One day at a time...

Thanks Masquerade for affirming my emotions... At least I can see that there is progress...

You know, one day in a few year's time you'll read this thread, and you'll look back and see how far you've come. Other people are reading it too, and will read it in the future, and it will inspire them. Everything, they say, happens for a reason.

The raging waters in my mind are getting calmer each day.

Self-respect. I have slowly been gaining my self-respect and self-esteem.

I was bugging my friend earlier that I want to text my ex. Because sometimes it feels like even if you have a hundred friends and family who loves you and cares for you, how come one text message or any form of contact from my ex will make my day happier and brighter?

Then listening to myself, do you really feel that way?? I gave myself credit, that loving my ex did not work out, and I simply have to move on. I gave my best, I was not treated right, I may have done some controlling behaviors myself, and it's over. Why??? I don't know why. Maybe these are things that does not have enough explanation, and I'm ok with that. I can't have all the answers.

I'm letting it go. I'm doing my best to quit mourning over something I cannot change.

P.S. I was also thinking that the NO CONTaCT rule is not really about who's got the upper hand, who gets more power over another... It's my time of healing. It's my time to pick up pieces of my broken self and embrace life amidst all this internal turmoil. I love being human. It's a beautiful life.

Angel78 wrote:The raging waters in my mind are getting calmer each day.

Self-respect. I have slowly been gaining my self-respect and self-esteem.

I was bugging my friend earlier that I want to text my ex. Because sometimes it feels like even if you have a hundred friends and family who loves you and cares for you, how come one text message or any form of contact from my ex will make my day happier and brighter?

Then listening to myself, do you really feel that way?? I gave myself credit, that loving my ex did not work out, and I simply have to move on. I gave my best, I was not treated right, I may have done some controlling behaviors myself, and it's over. Why??? I don't know why. Maybe these are things that does not have enough explanation, and I'm ok with that. I can't have all the answers.

I'm letting it go. I'm doing my best to quit mourning over something I cannot change.

P.S. I was also thinking that the NO CONTaCT rule is not really about who's got the upper hand, who gets more power over another... It's my time of healing. It's my time to pick up pieces of my broken self and embrace life amidst all this internal turmoil. I love being human. It's a beautiful life.

Yes hun, it is time to pick up your pieces and repair your life. It hasn't been broken, it's just been cracked and now it's time to repair. Yes hun, it is a privilege to be human and to live in this world. And yes, life is beautiful, even when we have bad times. The bad times can spur us forward and appreciate the beauty of the healing process.