My mother is narcissistc

Con55435 this is a support forum and people come here because they are in pain. Your invalidating and thoughtless comments serve no purpose.

Jennifer you said

My therapist isn't an "unknown therapist". I've been talking to him for over two years, and he has helped me tremendously. Thanks to him, I am beginning to feel like I have a right to exist and be happy, and I've been able to communicate with my sister, father, family and friends and slowly get out of my mother's grip. For the first time, I am able to smile.

I'm so encouraged to hear this. Therapy can have tremendous benefits. I am pleased that you are now feeling more empowered, and that you're able to communicate with your family and put boundaries in place between you and your mother. This is truly inspiring, and the strength that you have gained through therapy shines through in your post. I'm truly happy that you say for the first time you are able to smile.

Sending you warmth and good wishes hun.

Greatexpectations wrote:con55435
Please do not invalidate someone else's trauma, this forum is about providing support and a safe place to talk, for yourself and others.

How am I invalidating, I don't mean anything negative. Friends/helpers always stop/warn you when they feel you're going a wrong direction. I only give my opinion, you make your choices. Take the ones that help, leave the rest.

-- Fri Mar 23, 2012 12:49 pm --

jennifer_won_the_war wrote:Greatexpectations, I am not sure what to think about my boyfriend either.

con55435, I think I understand your reaction and I guess you are trying to provide sensible advice. Maybe you are a parent yourself, and I am sure it is very difficult to raise children. Everyone makes mistakes.

I am not parent, I'm 21

Con55435, your tone towards this poster is not the kind of tone that is used in a forum for Verbal and Emotional Abuse.

masquerade wrote:Con55435, your tone towards this poster is not the kind of tone that is used in a forum for Verbal and Emotional Abuse.

I apologize for my comments if it hurts anybody. Please do not take it wrong way. I have full sympathy with people who have faced any kind of abuse or trauma. If "jennifer_won_the_war" find me discouraging, I will immediately leave the forum immediately.

Masquerade, thank you for your kind words. I am doing my best to be positive, so that what didn't kill me does make me stronger. I still have a lot of work to do on myself, but at last, I am beginning to understand that I am not worthless. My mother had a very rough childhood. Just because she has no empathy doesn't mean that I have to be the same way. I'm beginning to feel sorry for her and don't want to abandon her. But I will set the necessary boundaries. I am grateful that I have great friends and a supportive younger sister.

con55435, as far as I am concerned, apology accepted and there's no need for you to leave. As I said, I felt like you didn't mean to be hurtful or insulting.

To answer your question, the words you used :
"incredibly negative", "even a brainless person would know...", "you are a complainer", "treat your own mind", "unknown therapist", "talk like a kid"
were disrespectful of me and my situation.

And saying "you are blaming your mother for no reason", "there is no trick", "she really was and is protective" was invalidating.

Those words could be very hurtful, even if your intentions are good. But as long as it is done respectfully, I believe all points of view are worth being expressed.

jennifer_won_the_war wrote:
She isolated me : ever since I was a child, like 6 or 7 years old, just like Greatexpectations father, my mother constantly told me bad things about my father and younger sister behind their back. It was always "our secret". I know now that she did exactly the same thing with my sister. When she found out, recently, that we started communicating, she was not happy about it at all. Also, she actively encouraged me to abandon my friends, and would never let me talk with family members. The first time I had a therapist, she encouraged me to stop seeing him, for no reason.

I respect your feelings but I am sorry again for my different opinion. I am only trying to figure if your Mother is the right person to blame. Parents who care for their kids try keep them away from all kind of dangers. They don't let us go to places where they can't keep eye on us. It does seem too harsh and irritating sometimes but when done for your own good, you can forgive her. However you said she told bad things about your father and sister. Maybe it's too personal but if you can tell what kind of things. Did you ask your Mom clearly the reason she keep you away from your friends and family.

jennifer_won_the_war wrote: Manipulation : my mother lies ALL THE TIME. But since we didn't use to communicate, we didn't know. "

Parents have to take care of the kids all day 24 hours. That's the reason kids sometimes don't see the hard work parents do for us but does get annoyed when they do something against our wish. Friends accompany us for a little time, that's the reason they seem more supportive sometimes but they can't replace our full time parents. "Manipulation" seems the right word when she is trying to harm you. Can't figure a reason why, maybe you can ask your Mom. I'm not questioning anybody's feeling but only trying to know if your mother is the one responsible and if so what could be the solution. Sorry lastly for questioning you and having opposite comments and unintentionally hurting anyones feeling. I am leaving the post now.


I have utmost respect for your emotions and wish all your family to be together and happy.