verbal abusive mother

i am living with a mother who verbally abuse me every time she's angry. she calls me stupid and insulting me. she expects that i'm perfect at everything because i'm a college graduate.
i'm still living with her because i just graduated college back in Nov 2011 with a degree in secondary education. i'm still in the process for a professional license. so i don't have a job yet to support myself. i'm 21.
yesterday, we got into a fight. before that, we went to the bank to deposit money. i didn't know that the deposit should be printed in her passbook. but the bank lady didn't ask it either and just gave me the receipt, so i assumed it's fine. when we got home, she found out that it didn't appear in her passbook. i reasoned out that i didn't know the process of depositing. i never do transactions in banks. she told me i'm stupid and why didn't i learn banking in school. i fought back saying that school didn't teach me that, so not my fault. and i doubt that they teach it.
she's always like that when she gets angry at me. calling me stupid, idiot, lazy, etc. even when i was a kid. she never apologized in any of that. and what pissed me off more is that every time we get into a fight, and she knows i'm angry through my actions, she will ask why i'm angry the day after. WTF?! Can't she realize that she's the reason that i'm angry? She has guts to ask me why? That is just so stupid. She acts like nothing happened.
I'm planning to just runaway. i have almost $300 to support myself if in case i decide to runaway because i can't take it anymore. i need to move out because i'm already losing my patience. i already made an action plan of running away.

any advice?

Leaving home is a good idea, it will be good for you. But make sure you have enough money and a safe place to stay.
You will need a job and money to support yourself so don't do anything rash. House shares are usually the cheapest way to rent.

i'm still in the process for a professional license. so i don't have a job yet to support myself. i'm 21.

I suppose it would be best to wait until you have your professional license?

I'm sorry your mother treats you like that, she expects you to 'know things' that you have never done before and that she has failed to bother to explain.

Try to grow a thick skin, and ignore her jibes. I know its hard.

i just graduated college back in Nov 2011 with a degree in secondary education.

You have worked hard and you have a future, a profession. Soon you can build a life of your own, away from mother, this unsatisfactory situation will not last forever.

thanks for the reply.

i'm just waiting for another argument to strike again. when it happens, i will courageously say to her face that "i'm losing patience! i'm moving out!"

besides that, she also has other problems to deal with like: false promises, making up stories about people (including me and in front of me! she humiliates me by that and i tried to tell her of what she's doing and she just keeps on denying), nagging, paranoia, overacting, etc...

just imagine yourself with a person like that. it's a total hellhole!

i tried to address my problems with her to my relatives but it looks like they got her back.

just imagine yourself with a person like that. it's a total hellhole!

Yeah I know, my mother was a malignant narcissist. I used to hate going home, dread it. But its not easy to move out you need money, a job that pays at least enough to pay the rent & basics.

I remember standing at mothers front door looking out wishing I could fly away, like a bird.
I had many dreams like that, about flying away.

I'm glad you have an education, this will help you achieve freedom.

If you do leave, make sure you have somewhere safe to go.

GreatExpectations is right. It is best to carefully plan how to leave, arrange for accommodation, sort out financial issues etc. The very process of doing these things will give you something to aim for and give you a sense of purpose.

This type of abuse can really eat away at a person's sense of self esteem, and you need to remind yourself that the abuse is not your fault, that you did nothing to deserve this, and that your mother has issues. At some point, it may be a good idea to seek therapy to help you to process your emotions and to work upon your self esteem. In the meantime, forging a life for yourself, investing in new friendships and interests and establishing a strong sense of your own identity will help you to maintain a sense of having boundaries. It may also be good to find out if there are any sources of support in your area - women's groups, groups for victims of domestic abuse etc. I wish you well.

jenicho wrote:thanks for the reply.

i'm just waiting for another argument to strike again. when it happens, i will courageously say to her face that "i'm losing patience! i'm moving out!"

besides that, she also has other problems to deal with like: false promises, making up stories about people (including me and in front of me! she humiliates me by that and i tried to tell her of what she's doing and she just keeps on denying), nagging, paranoia, overacting, etc...

just imagine yourself with a person like that. it's a total hellhole!

i tried to address my problems with her to my relatives but it looks like they got her back.

Im sorry youre going through this abuse. I understand exactly what its like living with a person like that. YOU are not the one in the wrong. You seem to be making the right decision by moving out when the time is right. It wont be easy but your mother isnt going to change. In fact things will probably get worse. Stay strong

mystic

sorry it took long for me to respond. i have to replace the monitor of my pc.

thanks for reminding me that it's not my fault. my relatives are telling me the opposite.

masquerade wrote: At some point, it may be a good idea to seek therapy to help you to process your emotions and to work upon your self esteem.

Thanks masquerade
one time my mum told me that i need to see a psychiatrist. i think she's the one who needs a psychiatrist not me, cause i'm not the one having issues.

Greatexpectations wrote:I remember standing at mothers front door looking out wishing I could fly away, like a bird.
I had many dreams like that, about flying away.

totally the same with me. when i see an airplane in the sky, i wish and imagine myself boarding that plane and take me far, far away from this house. i get teary eyes when i do that.

Hun, I am so sorry that you are going through this. Yes, you are right, your mother is the one who has issues, and only she can help herself. Having therapy would protect you from her issues, and rebuild the parts of you she has tried to shatter.

I am hearing you hun, and glad that you feel you can talk about your feelings on here.

I read in the posts that you graduated last November....

CONGRATULATIONS

The fact that you graduated proves that society, irrespective of whether your family concur, considers you smart!

Where are you thinking of running away to? For living on the streets is not fun.

And does the place you are going know about what is happening at home? So they can be prepared. Maybe they can help you now.

Have you thought about using your degree in a city other than the one you are currently in? And does the education institution have boards listing jobs?

I recently took the decision that I did not wrong and where relevant I will not hide what happened to me. Why not join my attitude?

If you look at the posts here, I hope you'll realise there is there is at least empathy support at this site.

masquerade wrote:I am hearing you hun, and glad that you feel you can talk about your feelings on here.

thanks for all the support. this is the only website i found reliable to talk about my feelings for my mum. i am grateful for all the responses.

whybother wrote:Where are you thinking of running away to? For living on the streets is not fun.

of course, i will make sure i won't end up living on the streets. i am planning to get an apartment. A good apartment will cost $117 a month. For now, i only have about $300. I understand that i need to plan carefully before i runaway. I'm planning to get a job on or before it happens.

whybother wrote:Have you thought about using your degree in a city other than the one you are currently in? And does the education institution have boards listing jobs?

I will definitely apply in other towns far from where i'm currently in. I will directly apply in secondary schools. I can receive $350 a month as a teacher. And because my major is Language and Literature, i think it won't be hard for me to get a job.

whybother wrote:I recently took the decision that I did not wrong and where relevant I will not hide what happened to me. Why not join my attitude?

I'm starting to acquire the same attitude these past few days with all the support from you guys

whybother wrote:If you look at the posts here, I hope you'll realise there is there is at least empathy support at this site.

yes i do realize that. thanks