my mother cancelled appt. without my knowledge

I had an MRI scheduled and my mother decided that she would cancel my appointment and not tell me. I went to the appt. and the receptionist told me that I had cancelled the appt. I later spoke with one of our employees(I worked in my family's business until this incident. This was the straw that broke the camel's back and I quit after finding out that my own mother was the one who did this to me) told me that my mom was the one who cancelled the appointment. I worked for them for 25 years and as I said this was the last straw in a pattern of controlling, possessive, demeaning behavior by both of my parents. This happened at the beginning of December and I have not spoken to them since. I continued to work until the end of the year which I felt was a good end point. I spoke with my mother's physician about what she did and she was supposed to speak with her about it. Her doctor asked me to talk to her about it, but I just could not. So, I wrote a note to both of my parents and my father's reaction was that "this is your perspective" implying that because I have major depressive disorder that what they say about me like that I am "incompetent mentis" and they can therefore cancel appointments without my knowledge or consent is okay. I am so angry and hurt and in pain(which is why I had an MRI scheduled). I found this forum yesterday and just need to put this out there.

Hi pelagia

What your mother did sounds totally inappropriate and disrespectful. It sounds like you are standing up for yourself with what you have done since this happened. I think the priority is to see if you can get a new appt for the MRI. Have you found new work now? It is bad when familes assume because we have MI we are not capable of leading our own lives. I think you have to show you are perfectly capable of doing this - as I am sure you are. Standing up for yourself is a good first step with this, so it is great you did.

Cracked

That a doctor wants you to undergo an MRI suggests there is a medical problem.

So I hope you have made another appointment. (and that it helps --long term)

That anyone can cancel a medical appointment suggests to me that the person is not particularly interested in your physical health. As such I'm worried about how much emotional support you get.

That you've worked for 25 years for the person who cancelled the appointment also raises flags. How much are you not telling us?

Whybother,

Of course I only dropped a few grains of sand out here about my problems-there was a beach that I was constructing with my psychotherapists that I had in the past(not in psychotherapy now, but I know that it would help, but I just want out of here physically and do not want to start and then stop), but I did not think this was the place to do that. I wanted(and got from here-thank you!) a little emotional support that I really needed. In all honesty, I do not have any emotional support right now.

As far as red flags, I don't know exactly what you mean, but I started working in the business when I was 16, went to college at 21; during college I would work whenever I was needed, did research/had summer fellowships elsewhere, graduated, did not know/was too scared to know what to do next, came home and worked there until the end of December. I was the only one of my siblings to be involved in the business longterm(all of them have worked there at one point or another either informally or just to tide them over between jobs).

I have been thinking about other family businesses in the area, who have the second, third, x generation who are my age whose parents have stepped aside or have left the day-to-day operations to these younger people and I have thought about my situation where I had nothing, no percentage of ownership, no say in how we could do something or change something, no salary, no benefits, and I took being treated like this for years and years because I was continually told that I was "incompetent mentis," that I was "psycho," that I would never be able to even make enough money to pay the taxes on the family home, that I should have been put away years ago and I let myself be called these things and be treated like this all of my adult life because of the guilt I have felt for things I did when I was a child.

My psychologist and I had many conversations about children not being in control, not being responsible, that you have to separate your life and a child from your life as an adult, but guilt can be a horribly destructive thing.

Years ago I had a neuropsych workup and the results came back and said I had major depressive disorder and obsessive compulsive personality disorder. At the time, I decided that, okay, that I was ready and would go into therapy and get help. I depleted my savings, cashed out savings bonds that my great grandfather had given me, used up all my health insurance, and as a last resort, had to ask my mom to help pay for therapy(I was working all this time in the family business). She complained to no end every time I asked her for money. It was like my parents wanted to know what was wrong with me, but God forbid, I actually get help. I know that it did help. It really did. I had to ask her for money because my parents would not pay me for working in the business. That's the way it was the entire time I worked in the business.

I know that I have been reduced to almost nothingness because I am told that I am a bad person. A worthless person.

I know that's not true because when I have been away from here, away from these people who can see nothing and who want to see nothing but the horrible 10 year old I was, I feel valued and appreciated and good about myself.

When my mom cancelled my appt, that was it. I had been thinking about where I was as far as work, how I was being treated by my family, how unhappy I am, and how inherently I know that I have a lot that I can contribute that I am not now because of the way I am treated and the limitations they have placed on me and how that makes me feel.

As far as my MRI, I have not rescheduled it. I did go to the hospital to ask them to put more restrictions on my file so that only the people I have authorized can get info on me. The HIPAA rules did not go far enough because I wanted to use a password for any contacts from me or to me, but the hospital did not have anyway to do that(Even the privacy officer thought that was a good idea) because I still do not know if my mom pretended to be me when she cancelled the MRI appt.

I have still not spoken with my parents. I am consigning things, doing lots of donating, and throwing away stuff and looking for jobs and also looking at going back to school. The biggest hurdle is physical pain and I have deal with that, but I am so paranoid that someone is going to interfere again, that I have put off making any doctors appts.

Thanks for reading-the longer, drawn out version. P

Please please dont put off Drs because of what you have been through - you have been through enough and do not deserve to struggle medically in addition to this. I understand you have your reasons but please re examine them and see if you can work on getting medical help.

Cracked

From what you are writing it would you seem you where abused as a child and it continues to the present day. However after the MRI incident you appear to have recognised what was/is happening.

It is to be commended that you seem to be making an effort to break free. Keep making the effort. Eventually it will happen. After working for the family for twenty five years the eventually may well be a long way off.

Do you realise that by not, yet, having the MRI you are still being abused? I am also wondering do you know what the doctor is thinking you may have when he suggested the MRI ? IS it some terminal problem he is trying to prevent? Does the doctor know why you have not yet had the MRI?

Perhaps the doctor considers your not having his requested MRI as a sign that you are not interested in both his help and your own health.

And I would have to agree.