How to leave the one you love?

I am in a bad relationship. I know this. I am an intelligent woman and won't let him get too close (I don't live with him, etc...) I don't appreciate the behavior he exhibits and I will not stand for the way he talks to me. I hang up the phone, yell, fight back. I am peaceful at nature and fighting with him makes me feel worse. I love him and I've never felt like this about anyone before. I'm not 15, I'm 30, swear to god. As much as I scream and fight, I can't stop answering when he calls back, and trying to rationalize with someone who calls me names and says things that don't make sense. He keep showing promise and giving me hope and I keep believing him. I need to walk away but it's like I'm compulsed to stay. This is causing depression and a huge dig in my otherwise vibrant and awesome personality. I can't sleep and I can't think straight anymore and I don't feel happy or like myself. How do I stop doing this? How do I walk away?

Clearly you deserve better than what you are receiving, and the actual walking away will be hard. However the longest/hardest trip starts with a single step.

That step for you might be to contact your local police force and making enquiries about women's shelters in your area?

For the shelter will have options you can consider, and hopefully one you impliment one.

Alas because this boy could follow you from work to a new abode (after you walk away) your immediate boss should be informed of the cause of your problems, promptly.

Who knows the boss might also have a support you don't know about.

Sorry I can't offer better advise, perhaps a different member can.

Please keep us fellow members informed.

katiek

I love him and I've never felt like this about anyone before.

I'm wondering why you love this person, out of all the men you have met you fall for someone who treats you badly.
Why?
He is not making you happy, yet you are compulsed to stay. You say he shows promise so I take it he is nice to you sometimes.
I have been in a relationship like that, when its good its very good and when its bad, its very bad.
Its like a drug addiction it can feel good, but ultimately its nasty, and destructive.
You are a peaceful person, with vibrant and awesome personality so low self esteem is not the problem. For you to scream and fight is out of character and exhausting.
You already know this a bad scene.
If you want to escape this relationship imagine he is the heroin, you are the addict, you must go cold turkey. It will be painful.
That might sound silly. but love is a drug.

Love is the drug, scientists say
Drugs
The brain can give itself a natural high
Being in love is physically similar to the buzz of taking drugs and also has withdrawal symptoms, an expert on addiction has said.

Dr John Marsden says dopamine - the drug released by the brain when it is aroused - has similar effects on the body and mind as cocaine or speed.
news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3236328.stm

One question, have your parents had a good marriage?

I am a survivor of domestic violence and I will admit we fool ourselves into being the happiest lil darling in the world.

I was in denial in my first two abusive relationships, and by the time i was in my third i turned into a real passive aggressive. I was passive until someone pushed my buttons with "red flags" and certian behaviors my other x's displayed.

the sooner you get out the BETTER, otherwise each hour you wait to leave him or Do something like a support group at a womens shelter the HARDER it will be. Just like the longer you take the drug the harder it is to let the drug go and move on with your life.

i used to be the biggest sweetheart and i think im a wench now compared to what i used to be. I can still be a big ball of sunshine, but if something triggars me im a ball of fire.

trust me, do what the previous posts say to do... its as simple as just doing it. You might go through shock and withdrawl but after thats over its a piece of cake with the right support and love. Even though the cake might be a little bitter an stale.

remember your loved dearheart! Sending unconditional love out to my sisters and brothers out there who have been or are currently surviving abuse.

PS... I never had abuse in my family, I recieved it in the school system by my peers, which is what started the cycle. Im not sure what exactly where it had started with you, but often its from family abuse prior to relationships... Best of luck to you all

I'm so sorry to hear that you'e going through this hun. On the one hand you know that the way he is treating you is wrong and that you don't deserve this, and on the other hand you feel compulsed to stay. Sometimes when people remain in this type of relationship, they believe their partner will change to the person that they fell in love with. These people rarely change.

Counselling may help you to process all the confusing emotions you're going through right now, and it may help you to find the strength to have faith in your decisions and leave.