Mom's bad day- DENIED

I have a gut feeling that what I am going through- what I've always gone through throughout my life- can be described as verbal and emotional abuse, but I really need confirmation that I'm not alone and I'm not crazy.
I can often guess that my mother has had a "bad day" if she starts saying horrible things to me or tries to emotionally blackmail me. I really don't know what her problem is, nor do I care- I'm not responsible for her, but why can't she just be normal? Like when I have a bad day I will spend some time by myself to be angry, let it out, evaluate the situation and write. If I need someone to talk to I usually do but I never do to other people what my mother does to me. When my mother is totally stressed out, she tends to blow simple statements out of proportion. For example, today she emailed me- just a normal email "how's your day, etc" and I emailed her back and in the course of my email I asked her not to make a cake this weekend when I come over for dinner because my boyfriend and I are trying to lose weight and he has trouble saying "no" to sweets. I joked how "THE CAKE IS A LIE!!" trying to get her to laugh because I figured she would get touchy because she is VERY SENSITIVE to criticism (or even perceived criticism). Well her response was not a good one and she specifically said how she "read between the lines" (what lines?! I'm not the type of person to do double talk- I can't even put together a coherent post!!) and that she was upset with me. Maybe she thought I was criticizing her or putting her down but why would I do that?! I tried to diffuse the situation by saying "everything will be OK! I love you have a good day!" and her response was basically telling me to go to hell. Then she called me at work and asked "did you read my email?". Like she is crying for help but I really did not feel like trying to solve the mystery as to why she's acting like a child needing attention. I'm 28 years old, I live on my own, and am a survivor of domestic abuse (my ex husband was the abuser). I learned a LOT of coping skills and just decided to cut her off today to save my sanity. If she wants help all she has to do was ask for it and just talk to me like a normal person- not treat me like garbage just because she feels that the world has treated her like garbage! I didn't respond to her email and I turned my phone off so I would not have to feel obligated to answer her phone calls or listen to her voice mail. Tomorrow she will probably either be madder than a nest of hornets because I ignored her or she will explain herself. Either way, this is typical for her. I know she's had a bad day, but she doesn't have to take it out on me. Well to sum up this rambling post, I guess I just needed a place to vent where other people could understand where I'm coming from. I do thank God that my situation is not worse- and I do pray for others that God helps them trough their troubles, but I still don't deserve the torment. Nobody does.
BTW: when she does this, I have to remind myself that I am a good person, that I'm a great daughter and that I'm not going to hell. The script from her past verbal abuse sometimes comes back to haunt me because according to her if I don't do this/that/etc, she puts me down.

Heya,

First I think it's good to realise here that people react differently to stress. You prefer to be alone, but your mother (and people like her) prefer to speak what's on their mind and let their stress/frustration be exuded as anger towards those around them. The best thing that you could do when this happens is ignore them: In an email situation, don't reply; if you are talking face-to-face, then walk out of the room and do'nt respond back. Also try to see that when a person is in such a mood, trying to make them see the 'reality', is cirtually impossible - Their anger blinds their judgement. So, by ignoring them, you are doing them a favour.

Sometimes, the reason why the person is this way is due to depression. However, the frustration that depression brings is converted into sheer anger. You have become the target for your mother - you are her 'emotional sponge' - but it's clearly not working out and is not fair. Is there any reason why your mother could be depressed though?

It will take a while to improve things, but I think that you can help her indirectly by laerning about anger, depression, and how to control such things in a loved one.

Take care,
Kevin

Sorry it took me so long to reply Kevin.
Yes, I do know why my mom is depressed, my Grandfather recently passed away and he was the rock of the family. However, I think that this is only a recent trauma and other than that all I can say is that maybe my mom is a highly sensitive person who because of her own experiences developed into the person she is.
Thank you for identifying that I am her emotional sponge. I've always felt like she always sought me out when she felt unbalanced. Sometimes it was okay because I thought we were having mother-daughter bonding sessions where she could tell me her problem and I'd give advice, but lately it's become about me being a target of her rage. So, because I now have a word for what is taking place, I can figure out what to do that is best for me. My mother can just find someone else to rage at because I'm not going to be her emotional sponge anymore.
Thanks again for your insight.