Waking up and realizing your abused

{I posted the 1st three paragraphs in the introductions forum but also wanted to post here and add to it}

Newbie here. I am LilScrapper. I have just awaken yet again in my life to realize that I let someone again abuse me. Not physical this time, but emotionally and mentally. I have spent most of my adult life allowing men I am envolved with, stepdad and some male friends do this in some form. I am one to always champion and fight and argue with my friends when I see them in a destructive relationship and try to help them by listening, giving them advice if needed or helping them get the heck out of it.

It's frightening to wake up and realize that you yourself have let this happen to you. I thought I was doing something wrong in the relationship and that was why we fight and argue. But I came to realize that earlier this week and to really acknowledge it that my husband is a verbal abuser. He will scuff at those words and think that I am full of it. He knows there is truth in them, but I know will not do anything to change this.

I know have to decide if I can get him to realize what he is doing or its the end of our marriage. This is our second chance in our marriage, I called it quits last year and we decided to try again. I seriously doubt I will be able to get him to see and it breaks my hear to realize that I might have to walk away from a man I dearly love and I know that loves me, but he doesn't see himself doing any wrong. We've been married for 6yrs and together for over 9yrs.

(add on)How do you let yourself get caught up in the madness? You see it on TV and hear about it in the news(saying to yourself, that will never be me), and realize that one day you let yourself get tore down and your not the same person you were before and your not happy with yourself. You have let yourself go, because you don't feel worthy of it. Or you try to start to feel better about yourself and
exercise abit. Only to be told why you doing that, or hey you want something to eat really late, so you veer off your diet. They holler about the way you let yourself get and then don't do anything to help you with it, but make you feel worse. I lost 20lbs last year and was told by everyone else that I looked awesome and got loads of attention. All it did was piss him off and was told I needed to lose the rest of the weight I had gained over the years.This is his constructive criticism.LOL
Anyways I have to go for now, but will post again soo. This helps to vent and release.

Hi Lilscrapper,

I am so sorry about your current situation.
Having been emotional abused for most of my life, I feel your pain and shock.
In my opinion, emotional abuse is more damaging than physical. If only because you can see the bruise after someone punches you. The abuser may attempt to convince you it was your fault, but there's no denying it happened. Most importantly, you can call the police...

If you get the chance, you should check out the film, "Primo Amore".

I wish you well, Lil.
You are a lovely person who deserves to be treated with kindness, love, and respect.

Thanks for your kind words and I will see if I can find that movie.

I will have to order that film , considering it is a foreign film. Amazon carries it. Tried my locally library and there is one and it is at a college, not able to check it out.

Why is it we think we can help them? Or that we see the "old them" on days and think, hey thats the person I know and love. We know that those days only last for a few and then its back to the normal. Funny that I can call it the normal. NOt really, but you know what I mean.

I had a IM chat with two of my closiest friends, who I love dearly and they don't see what goes on everyday. One lives locally to me, but we haven't seen each other in awhile and the other lives more then a hour away from us. Anyway, the one near me, knew something was going on again, we'd been emailing the past week. I told her abit of what was going on. So part of the chat was about my relationship and the downward spiral its taken over the years. Both my friends attended the wedding, or handfasting. They spoke to me truthfully and very caringly. They want me happy and know that I haven't been truly happy in years. That it has taken a toll on my health, my weight, my self image of myself. They know that I still love my husband, and that this isn't being thought over lightly, me walking away from him. I would rather walk away from him while I still love him, then for it to turn to hate and all. I would never want that. I want to be happy and want him to be happy. We just can't seem to be happy together.

Everytime I come to this point in my life about making a major change with him or me, I either get ill, catch poison ivy, have rashes, previous injuries act up, or I have an accident like a fall or something and hurt myself. I begun to notice this last year. When your not happy your body lets you know as well. I fell yesterday at work and messed up my ankle pretty bad. I sprained it, pulled some tendons and its now in a brace for awhile. told me it would take 4-6weeks to fully heal. Last year during the summer, I got poison ivy for a month, then bug bites, then hives. All went away then I broke my knee bone on new yrs eve. Fun fun.

Anyways, I am needing to sit down with hubby and talk to him about me living, as much as I want to stay, for my health, the kids sake, and his and my sanity, we need to part ways and stay friends.