Abusive Father

Im a 45 year old unmarried, only child living with my parents. I live home, more so for my Mom. She is a passive, docile woman who is emotionally hammered by my Dad at any opportunity he gets. He is particularly aggressive with me as I completely ignore him and his bullying behaviour towards us. In this last episode, out of no where, he traumatized my mom by saying she and I are waiting for his death so we can inherit the home. He says he has entrusted a friend to take care of the matter after his death ...so that we will get what we deserve. He does not acknowledge that I pay all the bills that run the home. He is a retired, 75 years and drinks and smokes heavily.

He also said with utter vengeance that he hates me and I am no son of his? I was not around during this episode. The verbal abuse is just getting more ugly with each new meltdown.

I need help with how to handle this? Is ignoring him and his behaviour actually making it worse? Does one move out and give in to his vile wishes? Mom is willing to move but has so much attached to the home as she has been married for close to 50 years.

Pleas advise

Trevor, yes, you and your mom have to get away from him. He's not going to change and ignoring him won't work. Your mom's sanity is more important than how attached she is to the house and you have to take care of yourself too. It sounds like it must be very hard to live with this man and it could affect your mother's health and yours too.

they don't deserve respect with that kind of behaviour.you could be better person than your father. the things he do will come back to him

hey i would like to recommend you to spend some time with your dad so that he can realize that you and your mom are not waiting for his death... this is really sad and i must say that you along with your mom should take care of this situation...if you really handle this with care then your problem can be solved

what if her father won't change for the better? well if he changes lucky for you, just hope it...it not there is nothing you can do about it

I am a 27 year old male living at home with my parents. I also have a brother who is 29 living at home as well. The reason i am living at home is because i am mentally disabled. I am not dumb, stupid, or lazy. I suffer from Schizoaffective Bi-Polar, severe anxiety, panic attacks, and good old depression. I have a very similar issue at my house. My father is a daily verbal abuser. If he is not screaming and yelling at us he will talk behind our backs to his friends making us look like we are horrible people. I have lived with him verbally abusing me ever since i can remember. The day i turned 27 i took time to analyze my situation. I thought to myself..."Should i live my one and only life on this planet in misery?". I know anyone and everyone would say no i wont live like that, But...Only a few will stand up and not back down. Doing so will cause more issues and more screaming, But knowing you won't take the abuse and let it burn a hole inside of you is a unexplainable feeling and a huge step in life. Every morning i wake up i think of living on this planet for one time only. Once i pass away i will fade into nothingness. My eyes and ears will never be able to see or hear ever again. The feeling of happiness and joy will cease to arise. Pain and anger will never bother me ever again. Knowing i have this one and only chance to enjoy this world is the motivation i always needed. I will never sit down and let him abuse me ever again. It is time to stand up and be the person i was meant to be.

If you do not have the ability to move out into your own house i truly think this is the best way to be. If you haven't noticed i do not believe in religion. To me when i die that is it. Darkness for eternity. I know people here will judge me for being this way. All i can say is bring it on. I wont let my father or anyone effect the way i live. I believe you should stand up for yourself as well. Please stay strong. It will take time for things to change, But i promise they will. Take care and think of this message when the yelling starts.

Patrick

Your post makes me feel very sad for you. I get the sense that you live at home to protect your mom. That is not healthy for you. You cannot sacrifice your life for hers, and unless shes a complete invalid, she needs to learn to take responsibility for her own choices and not put them on your shoulders. Your parents problems are theirs NOT YOURS. If your mom really wanted out she wouldn't use "liking her house" as an excuse to stay.
From what you said, your mom is also abusing you by keeping you there.
Your 45. Move out and get your own life. Let them live in whatever ciaos they create. I think your Dad may resent the fact that your in their marriage. You shouldn't be.
Best wishes,
One