IS GRANDMA VERBALLY ABUSING ME??

So I have this really critical grandmother. That tends to criticize, nit pick on everything. She's done it all my life to me & so many other members of the family. But thing is, shes like a strong authority figure in the family so no one ever really stands up to her. They say it behind her back, but never to her face about how they really feel. Today it came to a huge head…she treats me like a little child.. Today's ordeal all began over a room. She started criticizing as she usually does about how i keep my room, and how my dad keeps his. We all share a house btw. So she starts just jumping down my throat and says "were gonna clean your room." And at first i didn't take that like it was much i just "oh no, its not bad. I can handle it myself. I'm an adult, i don't need help". To me any person with common sense should have ended it there loll But she then went on & on not letting me get a word into the conversation. And then i decided to just exit the room, she began yelling & becoming argumentative when i told her im not a child. She went and stood in the doorway of my own room & blocked to where i could not get out. As I tried to reach for the doorknob she says "don't you push me!" i never even touched her for her to say such a thing. At this point i was furious, even more so over the blocking doorway thing.

Then i call a family member over the phone, explaining to them what happened. She knocks on my door & asks me & the other family member that had witnessed this abuse to come discuss with her. And omg.. it was no kind of discussion whatsoever. A discussion is when people talk back and forth. This was not. She told us to "be quiet! im talking now…" And then brought up me being in tears earlier from her abuse & accused me putting on an act & saying i was just trying to make a scene. Needless to say, this hurt me even further. She then keeps going on & on yelling at me & this other family member & making me feel as if shes belittling me. The other family member spoke up and said "arent you gonna listen to what she has to say?" & she said "no. I'm done with it. I don't care". This hurts me even further & im in tears again having my own grandmother treat us this way.

Is this abuse?? And how can i end it?? i got laid off from work, so i currently have to share a house with her. What do I do in the meantime to not let her abuse hurt me further? I feel like slowly but surely its killing me inside. On top of that...i wanna give you guys a full perspective on how bad its gotten. Last year someone i loved very much had passed away & she gave no support whatsoever. Its hard enough dealing with grief & then on top of that you have your own grandma criticizing you it. She was the ONLY one in my life that said some of the harsh thing she did towards my grieving, some examples she said were "I dont see whats so devastating.." , "get a grip", etc..

Hi,

For now, one thing you should do is continue to come here to write about the various traumatic experiences you have with her. On that note, it is certainly abuse in my mind. Some would call it bullying, while others would just laugh it off. Whatever the case, the fact of the matter is that she is crushing your spirit/morale and is failing to recognise this. You didn't mention who the other family member was at the end of your post, but I believe that the key to solving this is your parent for whom the gradmother is the mother. it seems unlikely that she will listen to you or recognise how hurt you are, which is why you should go through the parent. I get the feeling that she is currently living in your house at the wishes of both your parents. However, you are an equal part of many in that house, and everyone must get along.

So, stand your ground (not against your grandmother) - I mean, stand your ground with your mam/dad and make it very clear how upset you are. Do'nt let them dismiss it, which is what they might initially do. You are a person with thoughts and feelings too, aren't you? While others aroumnd you might not be as affected by your grandmother, I'm sure that they have been through things in their lives which were equally as crushing (and therefore they should know what you're feeling).

Kevin

Thanks for the response I didn't really even get a chance to fully discuss it with the parent of mine who lives in the house with us. Soon as my dad got home, just like I had felt like was going to happen & predicted was my grandma went talking to him about everything that had happened. I have a feeling she probably left out a bunch of details & probably just tried to make herself look good, etc..
My dad came up to my bedroom late last night & said i talked to your grandma & kept going on & on saying that she was joking & that he agrees with majority of what she said. Thats a bunch of crap to me. It was no joke. I CERTAINLY DID NOT take it as a joke, and i thought "even if it was...does that make her behavior towards me yesterday better?" It doesn't to me. So I feel pretty alone in the house, she pretty much babies him too, washes his clothes, currently shes cleaning his room, fixes all his meals, etc.. And he's 44. So I know hes spoiled by her. And I feel like, him & her are like buddies, they always agree with each other, always taking each others side over everybody else's. I'm not the only family member that sees it this way also. They make me feel as if its my fault, as if I wasnt respectful & as if I'm the bad guy. Its killing me to be so misunderstood in my own home. I have to move soon as possible. The other family member was my auntie. She was the one that witnessed the entire traumatic ordeal yesterday.

And its the whole "respect your elders" thing also. I feel like as I have to take anything she throws my way, cause shes my grandmother. But to me, you should earn respect to get it. I have never felt like i disrespected her. My dad said it was disrespectful of me to ATTEMPT to walk out the room yesterday when she was blocking my way out. Its like are your kidding me? I' 22 years old & can't walk out of my own room? Thats nonsense. I wanted to walk out because i wanted to avoid the situation. I dont like confrontation, I felt it was heading towards that way when she began going on her tyrant going "im gonna do it anyways! You cant stop me. No one will stop me!". I feel like they try to wrap me around their fingers & their way of thinking. Like "we'll tell her its a joke after it all happens...and then she'll feel guilty and apologize and she'll feel like the bad guy" when thats all B.S. Through all the years of hurt my grandmother has caused me, she has NEVER once said sorry or apologized or said "hey i shouldnt have said that, or acted that way.." I honestly think she thinks she can do no wrong..

Yes, it seems like yuor father is 'under her thumb' as we say (i.e. he does what she says). When he spoke to you that night, however, maybe you should have stood your ground more? It sounds as if he stood there lecturing you while you said nothing strong in reply. In life, we have to always stand up for ourselves. People always take the easiest way out of a problem, which in this case is to brush it under the carpet - that's what your father is doing. Well, I'm saying to you that you need to make it absolutely clear that the current situation - i.e. grandmother - is destroying your spirit. Just stand firm.