I'm the abuser.

I'm a young woman dating a man whos 8 years older. we both been through alot, even alot together. I grew up with verbal abuse. And my first real boyfriend would verbally abuse me and I would hear him get the $#%^ kicked out of him by his dad as i listened helplessly on the other end of the phone. And now I find myself verbally abusing the man that I love. He's an alcoholic which makes things so much worse, I get irritated so easily. I dont put him down all the time, but still theres no excuse. I wish I could take back everything I said, bc tearing down the man that I love is the thing that kills me the most as I think about what I've done moments later. How can I break the trust, when he trusted me with all his secrets and everything. I want to stop, I want to do right. what the ###$ do I do.

Hi, Onethiing! You could try starting a jurnal where you can write about all your bad thoughts or feelings so you can get them out and you won't have to take them out on him any more. You can also decide what to say to him about how you're feeling there, in order to get a good result and so that you won't hurt his feelings.
Do you think you two could have a little counselling or therapy together? It must be hard for you to deal with this, but it's possible to make things work. Also, be sure to always apologise after you've hurt him.

Thanks so much for the reply, means alot.
I actually talked to him and we discussed about me getting therapy and us going for couples counselling. I mean for the last few months, we both have made efforts in getting our dissagreements across, without yelling...sometimes we both slip up. But its the effort that counts right.
I really love this site, I hope to meet more people like you in the future
Thanks

It's good that you're both working hard and that you want to get help.
I'm glad you love our forum