Need Help

I am wondering if I am suffering abuse. I have been married for the second time for 9 years to an ex Marine. It has been a difficult path because first off he refuses to have sex with me because I am too fat. He has ED due to diabetes that doesn't help. A year or so ago he had a huge blow up at me and said some terrible things, he was jumping up and down in a rage because I told my daughter in law he had not mailed a letter to do with college finance for his youngest son and she told the youngest son who called him about it. He stood over me while I was lying on the bed in a foetal huddle, sobbing and screamed at me.

Wind forward to December 29th my birthday. We had been doing great together.. a nice unified couple without sex.. but still going strong and I got a wonderful birthday card saying how I was a wonderful wife and his perfect woman and he appreciated me etc.. great right? I was moved to tears.

Then comes the 31st. Payday. I went to check the bank and to my horror discovered someone put a postdated check through they were not supposed to and it had resulted in a mass of charges. I tried calling the bank but they would not give any of the fees back even though I was sobbing. I came to my husband sobbing into a towel and stuttering (which I do when really upset). He threw the remote control on the floor so hard it shattered and he screamed at me, that is why I told you not to write post dated checks. I had honestly thought this was someone I could trust.

I don't know how I ended up in the bedroom.. I know I had to call the mortgage company. He screamed at me while jumping up and down and said the following:

This is the LAST straw, ONE more time and you will leave this house (I don't think that would be the case, the house is in my name only?)

You will do as you are told, when you are told and how you are told or you WILL get the ###$ out of my life

You can clean this ######6 pig sty up (there was some bags from Christmas)

Other stuff.. I can't remember.

He said we would lose the ######6 house (not true)

He went in the living room and shouted... why did I ever think I needed another woman to ruin my life

All this took place in front of my 20 yr old stepson who lives with us and I am so embarrassed I can't even look at him right now.

Well after all this I felt myself get harder. I went out and tossed his card in a cupboard and glared at him and he came after me and asked me what that was for.

I told him that I didn't know who he was, that it was obvious from the way I was sobbing that I was very upset and sorry.. and yes I did apologize sincerely twice but the stuff he said to me had broken my heart. I told him that he talked about brushing me off like some insect and I would NOT take that, I was not going to take that from any man again.. never.. ever (first husband was abusive). He turned and walked away without a word.

When I got myself together and had dealt with business so we could survive the week I went to the store and kissed him goodbye and said I love you.. and after a few moments he said... wearily and with a sigh.. yeah I love you too woman. And I said I know you do.

Did I deserve all this for what I did? It is gone 3 in the morning and I can't sleep for thinking about it. Please can I have some opinions? Is this an abusive man?

It does sound that way... anything that he continues to say to you that is hurtful or degrading is verbal/emotional abuse...

Ok.. I get from that, that this one incident was perfectly acceptable.