15 yrs of denial ends

i am new here. i am a 61 yr old woman who has been with the same person for 15 yrs and after this last round of verbal abuse i know that i will not live like this anymore. my partner is a woman and if this is a problem for anyone, just don't reply.

this is a sad and lonely night as i wait for tomorrow to come when i will see our therapist by myself, followed by a special 2 hr session on Saturday for both of us. she sits out in the living room watching tv and playing with my dog and laughing away as if nothing is wrong. but something is wrong and i am not going to put up with it anymore. of course there many wonderful sides to her but she justs keeps hurting me, trying to control me, putting me down.

i wonder how much of this depression i've suffered with for so long has to do with the trap i am in.

she was abused in similar ways as a child. i was too. we fit like hand and glove, as it turns out. i am the one used to being the victim and she has taken on her father's abuser traits.

for years i have been refusing to face it for various stupid reasons such as "i deserve it" or "i don't want family to know what is going on. i'm also guilty of trying to help her. i am not all powerful; i cannot fix this by myself. as many of you well know, it hurts when the person you love and who supposedly loves you periodically knocks you down and kicks you around. i'm tired of walking on egg shells; fearing the next attack. i am sick from this. it was 4 days ago that i reached my eureka moment. we do not speak to each other. i feel so sad alone right now. i hope someone can keep me company.

Hi, moll! You've come to the right place if you need a little company and support. Of course you don't have to put up with it any more. You can't change her or save her if she doesn't want to get better and it isn't your fault.
Do you have a place where you can go when you leave?

thanks for replying.

she will be the one leaving as this is my house.
i've set up a therapy session with the therapist we've been seeing off and on for years. i saw her today and i guess she has been waiting for this day!
on Sat we will meet for 2 hours so that i can tell her i want a separation and for us to work individually on our issues (hers being that she is an abuser. mine being that i chose her and chose to stay as long as i did.) she is going to have to get motivated to work hard on her anger issues is the separation might end with her moving back in.

i've never felt clearer and had more conviction, but the sadness hurts quite a lot and with this i am feeling alone.

15 years is a long time. It's hard to be forced to realise that the relationship is toxic, and probably has been for a long time. You say you think your depression comes from it, and you are probably right.

STick to your conviction, it's the part that is making you feel a little bit better.

Work on healing yourself, without her abuse to keep on bringing you down. And then take life from there.

It does get better.

Take care