I don't know

I will try to keep this short. My husband of 10 years knows how to get me right in the gut with his words. I always wrote it off as his being Italian, but I'm not sure he even has any sensitivity anymore. We own a business, he works very hard (I have a full time job for a steady check). Last night I spent 8 hours in the ER with him for something they couldn't diagnose (in the end-chest pain they say is a rib/tendon pull), I got his meds, held his hand, got him breakfast and came home to bring him lunch, all thinking he'd be grateful or at least notice (which he did thank me) but tonight, when our son's school issue (late homework) came up, he overruled me, told him he had to work till midnight if that's what it took to get it done, son of course waited 10 minutes and went to his room to "finish", another issue came up with him (online class grades), husband believed son over me (that assignments must be turned in on time of automatic 50% off--son said he would get full credit when turning in late), so I pulled up the grade sheet to show and all hell broke loose. Mr. ER started screaming, stomped up the stairs (he couldn't even get out of the bed today, I had to help him downstairs to eat dinner), I followed him upstairs and he just got angrier and angrier because he's sick and doesn't want to deal with the kid, etc. I rarely raise my voice to him when he gets like this, and that seems to make him even more mad, when I tell him he doesn't need to yell, he says I'm making him yell, I tell him I just want to finish my sentence....etc. At one point tonight I dropped the whole subject and just asked him to give me his hand so we could be together and he flew off yelling again, saying I can never shut the f up, I can never just be happy I can never this I can never that. I said all I wanted to do was hold his hand and show support that I am here for him either way and he still was yelling. It gets to this point about that I start tearing up. I dont want to cry, I want to be strong for myself, in the beginning days if he ever made me cry he would care that he did and put a hand over mine or on my shoulder and we'd talk things out. Now, when I get to the point where I tear up he calls me a crybaby and says things like get the hell out if I'm just going to cry and horrible things like that. Eventually, I do leave the room and cry alone. I don't have anyone to turn to, we don't have insurance (self employed business and all), I really don't have friends in town, nor would I want to burden anyone anyway. I don't know what I've done to make him be so mean or insincere, and really don't have anyone to ask. Can someone at least shed some light on why someone would treat someone they married like this? I know he works too much, that's part of what put him in the hospital, I work almost equal so I admit I'm not a great housewife, although there's always food and dinner on the table, etc.This is verbal abuse right? No one (including my parents) have ever made me cry before. I have been crying at his words for about 6 years now, and it hurts me so badly inside...

Hi, alonely1! I think people can act like your husband because they never really learned how to deal with their emotions propperly, so they just take stress and frustration out on someone else. Maybe he learned it from someone in his family..
Do you think you could have an honest, calm conversation with him about it and explain that things have to change? Maybe he needs to let some stuff off his chest too, who knows.

Thank you for asking. He is immediately defensive whenever I present any kind of conversation that he may be uncomfortable with. And he gets angrier and angrier. I'm not that type of person, I've always been the kind of person like "what's wrong, lets fix it". I figured a while ago that he has pent up frustration from the shop and I may be the only person he feels comfortable taking it out on, but it goes beyond that, he will raise his voice louder and louder, and we have a 14 year old son who's normally supposed to be sleeping during all this. When i tell him "Please stop yelling, you're hurting my ears, ****[the kid] is going to wake up" it almost infuriates him more and he just can't stop himself. And then it gets into mean words and phrases, mostly curse words or pointing out my idiosyncracies (which we all have) and dare I point something out to him, he'll threaten to leave, or say he hates me, or say he is packing up right now, etc. I've gotten hurt before physically by being calm during these times and talking softly to him saying he doesn't mean it, we're just talking about something trivial, but I will block the door (my fault I guess?)
He's sick right now, like I said was in the ER, and has been home all day. He hurt me bad last night verbally, I went out today, read some of my book, did a little discount shopping, made a football bet...he asked where I was, he always knows because I'm honest, and he acted like nothing happened last night. Then he wondered why I'm stand offish and now he's mad that I'm not doting on him. How do I tell him I am so tired of feeling like scum and crying every night and make him understand?

You know, it's really important to think about your son now. This will affect his future and how he deals with other people and with women. I think something definitely has to change. It's not your fault if you get hurt during an argument, alonely1. This is obviously making everyone unhappy.