Roommate and Best Friend

My roommate is my friend, but he is also my best friend. I have been on other forums, but I am torn over whether this is abuse or not.

He has a temper and gets mad over the littlest things. I can have a criticism and if he doesn't like it he will just snap at me and tell me I am negative about everything. It will slowly escalate where he starts criticizing how my behavior has changed. He pretty much assumes what I am thinking without letting me argue on it. He will make assumptions I am jealous and won't even listen to anything I say.

He takes no responsibility for our arguments. I am always the screw up or the one to blame. I always have those thoughts in my head. He sometimes gets so mad during an argument that he will tell me I need to move out -- he does this repetitively. This is probably the thing that hurts me the most because I can't help wondering how you can just constantly say that to your best friend.

Sometimes he will tell me I need to try harder with getting my life together, when I am. All he does is make it sound like he's doing all the work.

Our relationship is very family oriented. I feel like I can't confront him about something he does which I think he should change. Half of the time he has this "this is the way I am, accept it" attitude about his temperament. Half of the time I just don't feel like I am wanted or appreciated here.

There are other times when he brings up a girlfriend thing and ask me what I'm going to do about it, like he is preparing me for the kind of person who is all hung up on their significant other. . . that they are saying because you are "just" a friend, I'm not going to be around anymore. Whenever I have a criticism about someone he dates he takes it as jealousy and makes me feel horrible. While we do have a romantic past, we never were really a couple. I don't have these feelings for him at all, and it's frustrating fighting an impossible battle over someone who assumes your emotions.

I get confused, question my worthiness as a friend or if he even gives a damn about our friendship. I'm reaching my point where I think I should just haul ass and leave. He's stated during his rants how he thinks he is better off alone. . . he wasn't better off alone. I'm living with him to help him, even if it's just a little.

Even after some fights he will coax me or ask me if I am okay. Or like today. . . he said he was sorry and didn't want us to become enemies and sorry he has a temper. I am torn by his behavior.

I feel like I am walking on glass. I have put a distance between us on an emotional level because I am afraid whenever I speak I will say the wrong thing or make him mad. I just don't know what to make of this.

Hi, noctemnocturnal! Your best friend is being verbally abusive, in my opinion. He doesn't even want to accept much responsibility for the way he treats you. Those things he says must be very painful and you don't deserve to live with this stress and fear. If he really cares about you, he should do his best to change and you have to realize that if he acts this way half the time, he might not want to change any time soon. Maybe you could move out for a while and see what happens.