Need some advice?

Hello,
I am glad I finally found a forum to try help me discuss some issues and get some practicle advice.
So my issue is with my mother.
My mother and I have never gotten along we just are two very different people.
From when i was small child the first instance was i remember telling her of a dream i had where she was a witch chasing me, and she said you can't dream that! It's not nice. I thought to myself i can't control my dreams.
As i was growing up we drifted further apart, I recall one time sitting in my room writing in my diary, she came in and asked me what i was doing and I told her, to which she responded "you have psycological problems" and walked out without saying anything more or discussing anything more.
Then i told her i wanted to go shopping with one of my dad's female friends (dad was paying for my new clothes) and she cried and cried about it. I still do not understand why but i remember not going.
Anyways as i was growing up we moved houses, in our new house one time i found my mum in her closet crying and crying saying she wanted to kill herself and her life was terrible. Then she accused me of being emotionally manipulative (as a young teenager probably 14 or so i never understood what this meant)
Then i myself became terribly depressed and tried to kill myself.
When i came out of the hospital instead of my mum asking me what was happening in my life or what was going on she said to me if i ever do that again she is going to put me in mental hospital and leave me there, then i was upset about that obviously and her mum was there and she said to my mum "just ignore her" meaning just ignore me because i am acting bratty.
Then we drifted further apart....
After her mother died she started to pace around the house and cry and pace it was terrifying to watch and she refused to talk about it even when i wanted to try and comfort her.
Then at a later stage of myself i lost my job which made me depressed and i was unemployed for six months, to which my mum said to me one day i am too fat and ugly to get a job and no one would hire me.
Then in that same period of me being unemployed she wanted to start a conversation with me about god (she is a catholic and i am not and i hate talking about religion because it always ends up in arguments).
Anyway i cannot recall the complete conversaion but i said something like "if something like that ever happend i would kill myself" ( I cannot recall the reason of my saying that) So her responce was well maybe you should just kill yourself then.
to which i was very upset with, she could not understand why i was upset and even denyed saying that she said that, she said i was crazy and i had mental problems and i need help, and that I am a liar. Until i persisted and stood my ground with her then she said well if i said something like that I did not mean it that way to her then somehow turning it around to make her the victim of something terrible that i said when my brother came home, and started crying to him saying i am so awful to her...
My head was spinning from her telling me to kill myself, her denying it then turning it around as if it were my fault then telling my brother i said something terrible to her, so i promptly told my brother what she said to me then she started to cry more saying as if she could ever mean anything like that!
So then i distanced myself more from her. I wouldn't say i turned to drugs, i just used my computer (the internet) as a way to escape her and keep away from her.
Then a few years ago i came home to find her crying, i went to ask her what was wrong and she would not speak to me, finally i got her to speak to me, and after a while she shut down and didn't want to talk anymore she said talking to me makes her nervous and she hates talking to me (i did not say i feel the same way even though i do).
So i went to leave her alone then and she screamed at me as to why i left her, she said she was on the edge and i just left her high and dry. I asked her what she wanted from me since she hates talking to me and she shut down and didn't want to talk anymore.
I feel i am the only one out of my siblings to pay any attention to her when she is feeling upset and it really frustrates me as they just live their own lives away from her, even though we all live in the same house.
A while ago also she told me she wanted to die and she would be better off being dead, i told my brother i was scared she might harm herself, my brother went to speak to her and she accused me of talking beind her back and making stuff up!
I asked her what she would do if one of us told her that we would be better off dead and how she would feel?
Now i think she knows i see through most of her games, that is why i feel she said i make her nervous when we do manage to talk.
Now she just carries on about god, and it really irritates me to no end because i am not a believer and i do not try and push my non belief on her but she does not have the same boundries and actually called me dumb for not believing in god. So now she goes around my room and put little holy pictures under my mattress or sticks medallions to the frame of my door.
I told her it irritates me but she says she doesn't care how i feel and never cared about how i feel, and it is her house and she will do what she likes.
Also another thing which really got me worried is about her belief that she was cursed at a young age by someone using black magic on her and that is why she has never been happy in life and is depressed now.
So she goes to church and prays and encourages her family to pray for her to remove the "curse" instead of seeking professional help.
The thing that really upsets me about this is they encourge her as they are all catholic, one of them called her up and told her they had a dream a demon was laughing at them for praying to god to lift the curse.
Which made them beleive it more.
And i am struggeling to cope with this and i don't know how to help someone that doesn't want help. There is obviously more but i will keep them to myself.
Sorry for the long post i need help and advise!

Violetta, it sounds like you've gone through a lot. It's awful that the rest of the family go along with her games and make her even less likely to get some help.
Her mother might have been cruel and manipulative with her too, and it could be one of the reasons why she gets so depressed. It doesn't excuse the way she treats you, though. I think you're right and she might choose you to pick on because you can see through her games.
You should try to get help for yourself first of all, because you can't help someone if you're messed up. She might not accept help or advice and if you try to help, she could use it against you as another way of harming you. Could you talk to a psych about your problems? Maybe if you become stronger, you will be able to help her as well, eventually.

Thank you for your responce,i have seen councillers before I evenwent to one with mum because she recognized we did not get along. Basically my counciller gave me advice to stand up for myself (she specialized in bullying) she advised me that mum might have PSD from fleeing a civil war, which I think is right. However what frightens me lately is the fact I get so angry with her I feel like I want to hit her. I don't want to ever do that as I would be stooping to the ultimate low. To be honest I just don't want anything to do with her. But I need advice on how to handle myself to nov give into the rage that is eating me up on the inside.

The best thing for you would probably be getting away from her. Is that possible? Could you move in with a relative or on your own somewhere? Talking to someone who cares also helps, especially if you do it any time you are stressed or hurt. You're welcome to do that here.