Is this verbal abuse or am I being too sensitive!? :S

Hello, I live at home with my parents, Im an only child and am now 22yrs old. Ive had mental health problems since i was 13-14yrs old. My problems started off with anxiety and panic attacks, and OCD. I was first diagnosed with OCD and social anxiety disorder and went to an adolescent mental health unit at 14-15 as a day patient. It all started around this age, i remember when i was referred, my dad response was off the rails, he was like 'you will be tagged as a nutter for the rest of your life now, is that what you want' etc. he always makes a mountain out of a molehill and over reacts. for yrs ive had bouts of self harm, taken numerous overdoses and developed anorexia/bulimia. Since Ive been ill, all i have ever seemed to recieve is negative feedback and over the top statements and comments. like 'psycho' been treat like im not a human being anymore, being told how pathetic i am, what a mess i am, lots of foul language thrown at me daily. called c*nt etc. and just generally treaten like i dont exist as a person anymore, just my disease.

Im sick of being spoken to like am a child, with no respect and im constantly told and reminded how much of a mess i look and how much ive lost, how much of a mess my life is etc. I get told i have to move out and am on the verge of being thrown out. Ive tried treatment for my eating disorder twice and been in child and adult mental health services but nothing seems to work.

My parents just dont understand why i do what i do, and they just instigate all my issues and make me feel worse than i already do. they accuse me of controlling them and ruining their lives, everythings 'my fault' in their opinion and im constantly been told what not to do. Its like, they control me without knowing it, then they have the cheek to accuse me. i dont know who i am anymore, ever since a child ive been domineered by them, so call 'guided' what they think is best for me. when they arent around, reinforcing the negatives and hurling abuse at me, i feel lost. completely out of body like i dont know what to do apart from binge eat and vomit. then pull my hair out and sit around like a nervous wreck with no mind of my own anymore.

I know i have to move out and really want to, but finding somewhere to live is impossible. Im so sick of living this life and having two people constantly bring me down further and further. i feel unsafe unloved unwanted and a constant burden. i cant relax in my own home, even in my sleep. even after copious amounts of alcohol i can never switch off. i dont know wer to turn what to do or what to think. i know one thing and thts my bulimia.

Ive ruined so much, and im not denying i havent disrupted their lives through having my illness, but if only they wud support me, instead of resenting me so much for all my faults and reinforcing how bad my situation is. Im not a bad person deep down, but they bring it out in me, i feel like i have to put up a gurad and get defensive. when they start goin on at me and telling me what a mess i am. I get sick of comments like 'normal girls your age have pride in their appearance, you just dont care, your a mess, have you looked in the mirror lately, get a grip'. and getting called scum and dirty b*tch, loser, low life. dead beat, getting told to go f**k myself. its horrible to be around. it probably sounds petty and maybe im just being over sensitive, but surely i dont deserve this kind of reaction 24/7? i dont deserve to be treat with such disrespect because i have an illness. or do i? im not sure anymore

I know what it's like to live with the cause of your problems, without them even realizing it (or caring, for that matter) and only making things worse. And the fact is, healing can't start until you've removed yourself from that environment. I know that first-hand. So you have to move out. Unfortunately I can only say what you need to do, but I don't know how you should make it happen. I need that answer myself.

But you DO NOT deserve any of that.

You don't deserve any of that. They should be trying to support you; maybe they don't know how. They might think if they yell at you you'll get better, but the truth is, it only makes it worse. I think moving out if you can would be a good idea. Sometimes distance is needed in families that have that element of verbal abuse. But remember, you are no less because you are ill no matter what your parents say.

I am you at age 40. And it took me my whole adult life to completely get it, Dad's a Narcissist...so read up on gas lighting and narcissism and abuse and on the narcissism page on this site too.
And it's also PTSD that you get from this sort of abuse by parents!

Having one's own parents being unsupportive of their child's mental illness is only going to exaccerbate the illness. Can't expect to get better in treatment if the triggering events are coming from your parents you're still living with. Being ill isn't your fault or anyone's, no one chooses to become ill. Unfortunately, mental illness is still very much a dark ages thing in western society. It's the result of sin or possession by demons or otherwise brought upon yourself. But that's simply not true. It's just where most people's minds are stuck since it's so often equated to religious afflictions. Anything you can't readily define or quantify as with thought, and problems with thought as with most mental illnesses will yearn to be explained, and unfortunately, most explanations stem from religions invented before science. And because of all the other aspects of religious thinking like paradisical afterlifes, changing from religious to scientific thought isn't easy.

The fact is people suffering a mental illness are no more to blame than someone born without use of their legs and confined to a wheelchair. They may be something of a burden to their parents, but it's difficult to imagine any adult blaming the birth defect on the sufferer. But with mental illness, the blame is readily levelled due to out-dated thinking.

You're not to blame.