Dual Abuse Household....

Long story....so just letting you know now!

I'm 22 now, but grew up in a household where my mother was the dominant one, my dad was passive and basically did anything she said. Whatever she said was right. He went with it.

So since I was little, my mom would explode at him, and I grew up watching their dysfunctional relationship, thinking it was normal. But it started getting really bad when I was about 7. I remember one day, my dad took me to a horse riding lesson, and we came back and my mom got mad at him for something, and she started throwing things at him from the bedroom. I went to my room and hid, but I could still hear her screaming at him, and he just took it. This went on for basically 7 years. Another time I remember seeing her hit him and kick him, and calling him all these terrible names, and all in front of me. A little kid at the time. I couldn't understand it. I knew she was sick, but she wasn't taking medication at the time, and didn't want to either.

Years later, my dad is now moved out, and I'm living alone with her. It hasn't gotten bad, until now again. She's not taking medication because she can't afford it, so any little stress or pressure starts building up and I'm the punching bag.

Like the other day, we had an argument about something so insignificant which all our arguments usually are about, and she grabbed me, and hit me, and started calling me stupid, and "just like your father" (she uses that against me all the time), and I can't take it anymore. Then 5 minutes later, she acts like nothing happened....everything's fine. She asks me why I'm crying, even though I'm trying hard not to, she says I'm crazy, and I need help, and she says that I need to get over it. =( I just don't know what to do! Am I crazy?!? I think she's the crazy one!

I just can't wait until I graduate and I can move out and go to NY. I graduate in 6 months. The other day we had a huge fight in the car, she blew up telling me I was stupid, and that I couldn't go anywhere, I wouldn't make it, because I didn't know anyone, have no money, and I'll just be working at some store as a clerk, and I won't make it anywhere.

Then about my weight fluctuations....I've been having a problem with my eating habits because I've been so depressed and stressed out from HER lashing out at me all the time. I think I'm a nervous eater, and my dad has become one too!! Even though he's moved on and moved out, he still has a problem with that, and I think it's just affected both of us....that's the damage of living with someone like that.

She constantly says I'm ugly, and fat, and every time she looks at me, she has this face, like she's about to cry and she just makes me feel so bad about myself and it just makes me want to eat more and more. Food is like the only comfort I have. And I told her I thought I had an eating disorder once, and she just said to get over it!!!!! Yeah right! It's THAT easy! Psh....she doesn't even care. She has no clue about anything. It's ridiculous.

When I was younger, I used to keep a diary about all her outbursts and write down what I was feeling and thinking. I threw it away a long time ago, but I think I should have kept it. I used to run to my room every time my parents would start fighting. She would just start yelling at him right in front of me!! Instead of doing it in private or when I wasn't there. I was ALWAYS there when they were arguing, and it was just NOT a healthy environment to grow up in at all. Not at all.

I just don't know what to do. I feel like running away. Leaving her, but then I'd feel guilty. I don't really know what I'm trying to ask or say here, but if you've gotten this far, thank you and congratulations. =) I guess this is just my story....there's so much more, but I doubt you'd want to hear about it. Any advice for living with a bipolar (i think) mother, I'd love to hear it. Thanks again.

Hey, Princess! Could you try to stay with your dad or another relative until you can leave, or at least for a little while so you can have a break from her? This sounds horrible. The fact that she's sick doesn't excuze what she does to you. Of course you're not crazy.
She probably still knows the difference between right and wrong and she has no right to treat you or your dad this way. Don't feel guilty for leaving, you have to put your sanity first, because if you're not well, you can't help any one else.
I'm a nervous eater too and I also know how it feels when someone looks at you with disgust or whatever it is that they do. I like to keep my eating under control by making a list of what I'm going to eat that day. Talking about my problems has made things a lot easier and you're welcome to do that too.

Yeah, I just need to talk about it, getting rid of it from my system....the thing is I used to be skinny, and then when I got depressed I started gaining weight after entering college, and now that I'm almost graduating, I'm not even that FAT, but still none of my really nice clothes fit me! I'm basically living in one pair of tight jeans and Juicy sweatpants...in the middle of summer....HOT HOT summer. =( Ugh!

Maybe finding something else to help you get rid of stress would be good. I like to work out or talk about how I'm feeling, like you said. How are you today?

Hi Princess,
Your mom and dad sound alot like mine. My mother, who is also stone crazy, would turn and say that *I* was the one who needed mental help. I know my mom is mentally ill, BUT that isn't an excuse for the level of cruelty she exhibits. There are plenty of crazy people who aren't mean.
I moved out when I turned 18, and ten years after that cut all contact with her.
Your situation isn't healthy. It's not your fault, it's hers. Maybe you could move in with your dad?