All for Nothing

hi,

I haven't been on this site before but I am so down I haven't eaten for three days and I don't know how to go on with my life.

I've spent two years with a verbally abusive partner and I eventually had the courage to ask him to leave after his latest meltdown. But as some of you will know, when you are in a verbally abusive relationship a codependency exists and the feelings of wanting him to return have kicked in. I hate myself for the feelings that exist that want his love and the good side of him back. He has put himself on a dating site, which I guess is to rub my nose in it - it feels like he has stuck a knife in me and is enjoying twisting it.

And yet... if he asked me to let him back into my life, I don't know what I would do.

Why does this happen, why can't I think enough of myself to let this person go. Why do I focus on all the good times and ache for him, rather than remembering all the hideous things he said. I have so many spiralling thoughts that I can't focus on anything.

I have dreams about him and being with him again that make me miss him, so I wake up full of sadness and completely alone.

Do you think people who fall for abusers will always end up with another one, no matter how they try to avoid them - am I always going to end up with something else to recover from.

How can I stop the feelings of wanting him back.

Please help me... I feel so completely alone. Please don't be critical or judgemental... we all have our reasons for enduring the pain, I truly loved and wanted to spend the rest of my life with the good jim... but I had to let go because of the part of him that destroys everything in his path.

Thanks for reading this.

Hi, Christine Hx! I think that the actual abuse can make you need someone who treats you well even more and that someone is also your abuser. They might even do it on purpose, to make you need them and depend on them.
It's not your fault, it can happen to any one. Maybe it would be best if you took a break from relationships for a while and concentrate on healing. Going out with friends and doing stuff that makes you feel good about yourself can be helpful. Also, talking about it to get advice and support can help too, especially when you feel like going back to him. Post here and let things off your chest instead of talking to him.