mom is verbally abusive

my mother is verbally abusive i guess. she'll call me a loser and she has made the comment in front of my friends and former boyfriend on more than one occasion. not to say that i'm totally innocent or a victim. i suppose i do instigate arguments with her, but it hardly justifies her in calling me a loser or good for nothing. (i mean, i guess it would be justified if i really sat around all day and didn't even work, but i do attempt to go to school and work the sad hours i have. it's minuscule progress i admit.) she'll say it as i'm leaving the house too. "you're a loser." she knows how to push my buttons and world war III breaks out in our house. my dad has become desensitized to it and says it's my fault. maybe it is. i'm the only one who yells. but she'll talk down to me and it just sets me off and i'll start screaming or cursing her off. i've been called a number of names by her over the years that include "psycho" and something i won't post here. she'll sing song it sometimes and it really drives me crazy. she doesn't drink or is involved with substances at all.

my mother has issues of her own. i think the reason she verbally abuses me is because she has unresolved issues about being molested as a child. i really don't know why she picks on me, but i hope to god i never verbally abuse someone like she does to me. it really scares me. maybe she just has a thing against girls.

ever since i was young i remember being cursed at by her. she used to call me a "b*tch" whenever i acted up. but sometime after i hit puberty she stopped calling me nasty things and then stopped swearing at me altogether but it didn't stop me from responding in kind to her. every time she talks down to me, i get so angry and i won't hesitate to swear at her. she used to get angry at my dad for sticking up for me so he's stopped trying to altogether and now he says i'm the abusive one. i admit i'm the only one who will explode if my mother says something to me but i don't know how else to respond. she just really gets to me that i can't really think clearly.

she favors my younger brother for some reason and it irritates me. he's never had to grow up with her constantly putting him down so he's basically still intact while i'm damaged goods. what really drives me crazy is whenever i get into a fight with my brother, she;ll jump right in and get in my face and tell me to leave him alone so not only do i have her directly in my face and crazily trying to stand up for/protect my brother/and insult me, but i also have my brother in my face and insulting me as well.

my brother is everything i never was and am still not: social, over achiever, musician, accomplished and involved high school student well on his way to a scholarship to a university to study engineering. while i'm 22 and still trying to get an associates at a community college because i'm just a failure at life and a good a nothing like she's been claiming for a while. i can see why she hates me but i feel like she doesn't have to rub it in. i will never be my brother.

1bee, you do not deserve to be called those things by your mother. She is verbally and emotionally abusive. I know how much it can hurt, especially when the person who should stick up for you blames you and hurts you too. It's not your fault.
You are doing what you can and nothing would give her the right to hurt you this way. Maybe her behaviour has to do with why you're having such a hard time. You don't have to be your brother.

She is the loser, not you. Because she can't see what a wonderful person you are, and she only knows to validate people based on their social achievements that will pass, sooner or later.

If I got a coin for every parent that made the same kind of a mistake as your mom did......... I'd be a billionaire.