AM I Being Emotionally and Verbally Abused?

I have been depressed since the last fight I had with my boyfriend which was 2 weeks ago or more. We have a 3 year old son together and we are staying together but if I show any emotional outburst whatsoever, he belittles me. Here is the fight, I was on the phone with the insurance company lady who was asking for paperwork that they already had and I rolled my eyes but I did not yell at her or anything and so my boyfriend was sitting by me commented "don't get upset with her, it will only make things worse", and I being PMS said I'm not and you don't need to tell me that because I am not going to do that and I think I raised my voice. He immediately got mad and called me a f'n lunatic, that I needed to be locked in a room, he told my three year old son that mommy needs help and was holding him making me feel bad and he said that I am unstable and he will take me to court and take him away that I have no business since I act like a lunatic and treat him, my boyfriend , like $#%^. He said he is giving me one more chance to change and if not this is going to end. He has two domestic voilences for beating me up in the past and he has not beat me since we have been clean and sober for almost 3 years now but I feel bad from the verbal stuff more almost than the hitting. Right now he just expects me to drop it and move on and for me to make an effort to change. I talked with my therapist and she said that I need to get away from it. I have too little self esteem and keep hoping things will get better and I do not want the depression and hell that comes with the breakup right now. I have a 15 year old daughter that is in a group home right now, she is not his, and she does not have the best relationship with him and he does not even realize it, she think he is controlling and does not want to live with us right now, she witnessed the physical and verbal abuse to me and she has ADHD, Asbergers and depression, OCD and she has abused inhalents, cutting and other problems, he used to call her lazy and bad and say that if she did not stop she could not see her little brother anymore. He thinks he knows more than the therapists and I love him and want to make things work for our family, but it looks hopeless right now. This is long I know, sorry

April

If he calls you names, belittles you, says things that hurt you constantly etc, then yes it is verbal.

Verbal does hurt more then the physical, i've had both, actually i've dealt with it all, but verbal abuse does more damage I think, ruins your self-esteem.

Get away! Get a family attorney who does probono work, they will work for free or on a sliding scale to help people that cannot pay. Find out the legal procedure you will need to keep you son. This is bad for him too. I grew up with a step father that told me I was lazy and worthless and I would be given away if I wasn't good and he told me my father was worthless in various ways. I loved my Dad but I believed my step Dad. I was overweigh because of his abuse, I have emotional issues to this day from that type of behavior. I never cried as a child because I was so used to him telling me I wasn't allowed too. Please! Get your kid away from it. Your self-esteem will improve when you see you can do it. The stress and depression of a break up is temporary, the stress and depression from an abuser is far longer!

I have been here, most of the time, attorneys will not help you pro bono, you can try, but more than likely, youre' boyfriend will start making all kinds of accusations towards you and the attorneys will not help you, like what happened to me. Legal Aid would not help me until there was a CPS case against my husband. They just have too many cases to handle to care about my divorce. Get proof! Verbal abuse and controlling behavior is more damaging than physical, but it is also much harder to prove to a judge. He has made threats about taking your son, take them seriously. Buy a tape recorder with VOC or voice activated recording that you can hide it where you and him argue often. Check your state laws to see if it is legal in your state to record conversations between you and your husband. Get witnesses if you can. Contact CPS if you think they will help, they have helped me tremendously. Don't take chances with your son, statistics that I have read say that 70% of abusers, even when there is evidence of abuse, get custody of children when they fight for them. At the very least, call a legal aid attorney,even if they won't represent you, they will give you advice.

"He thinks he knows more than the therapists and I love him and want to make things work for our family, but it looks hopeless right now."

He doesn't know more than the therapist, he's an arrogant a$$. You don't love HIM, you love what you wish he was and are miserable with who he really is. You recognize it's hopeless but you don't have the energy to end it. Well, the more time goes by the less energy you are likely to have. Also, it sounds like this man in destroying your family, especially the women in it. How dare he say those awful things to that poor girl? To her it probably looks like you're choosing him over her. Do the healthy thing and find the courage to turn your home into a safe and peaceful sanctuary where nobody will disrespect you and your children. And you may benefit from some anger management classes or he might end up with the kids if he can drive you into a state where you look bad and unstable.