i wish it was ok for me to tell myself that it hurt, that its OK to cry about it, and that it wasn't my fault.
i try tell myself that. other people have as well.
But i don't believe it.
i don't know why, only that the pepetrator wasn't a bad man and he could be kind sometimes. so then if i feel sad, it must be that am just feeling sorry for myself. i despise my tears. i look at this girl that i am, this fat, messy blob of tears, and all i can think is "silly cow. God knows how she would have coped if she had had a really bad time of it." i feel like a fake.
my dad didn't mean it, so why does it hurt so much? WHY?