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Hey,

There are different reasons why people verbally abuse others. For example: Some people verbally abuse others because they have been hurt by those people, and they are exacting their revenge on them; Other people verbally abuse because they enjoy the feeling of being superior to the people they are abusing; and, in another example, a person might verbally abuse others if they themselves are suffering from depression, and the only way they have learned to 'release' their anger is by abusing others.

Kevin

oh, that is easy. Control and power.

It probably depends on the sort of abuse. I don't think it's a clear textbook case answer kind of thing.

Like why do they react to the things that they do and what are they trying to get out of it by acting that way?

+1 to Shivers

Power and control. Domination really. It's narcissism. By insulting you and heaping some abuse on you, the abuser puffs up his own representation of himself. He envisages himself as 'right' and hopes his insults and vitriole substantiate, for the world's 'mirror', that he's the top dog.

I have been living in this apartment building for about 6 or so months now. And I live across from this guy who is a loud mouth and always talking $#%^. You know, the extreme extravert. He is loud and obnoxious in my opinion, although I am always kind and non-confrontational and try to keep the peace with this guy if I see him. I know our brief encounters, although "nervously friendly" on the the surface, contains a deep seated hate and unfriendliness.

I know he despises me and has alot of negative things to say about me, because I have heard him many times in the hallway. I am always quiet and keep to myself, so I don't understand why he must always insult me.

It's very discouraging and I know this situation will never change. I wish he would just shut up once and for all, and stop his rambling #######4.

Does anyone know the best way I should deal with this "background abusie"? and why do you think he is always taking a "verbal jab" at me? Is it possible that I am unconsiously doing something to bring this on?

Thanks Guys,

Royce

It's hard, but try not to be paranoid.

Write down what you hear.

Approach the listeners when the loudmouth isn't around. Go item by item through your list and clarify and correct wherever he's slagged you. Discuss only what you heard, not what you surmised.

It's all you can do.

Abusers abuse because they feel entitled to act in certain ways that they often do not classify as abuse. It's important to note, as others have said, abusers often envision themselves as right. They, like anyone else, are the main character in their story and want to believe they're the hero.

I, also, am dealing with the problem of verbal abuse in my personal life. It has also plagued my professional life, but in the personal arena it has had a devastating effect on my life. I understand how puzzling this behaviour can be - because in my life this abuse has always come from the people who profess to be my family and, during good times, tell me that they love me. Then, when something happens in their brains (I never know exactly why the abuse begins) they treat me as though I am worthless to them and I, personally, have inflicted life's pain and suffering on them. I have not ever tried to hurt them, either by intention or mistake, and most of their venom is about things that I've never had a connection to. I would like to know WHY this happens to me, and now I'd also like to know HOW do I free myself from this painful, recurring nightmare that walks during the day?

I think that people are abusive because they have pain that they can't deal with because they don't have the emotional tools. Some people don't know how to fill their emptiness up except with power. Getting power becomes their drug. Just my opinion.