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Hi,

No, he certainly did not mean it. He said it because he cannot control his anger. When we are angry, we say things that we don't truly mean because the thoughts and feelings in our head can become jumbled up. In reality, he is most likely looking for help from you, but he's going about it in all the wrong ways. Has anything particularly bad/awful happened to him recently? If he would do it, then he should definately go to his local doctor.

Kevin

I have to agree with chucky, a lot of things can be said in anger... I've had it said to me, and it was never meant.... I know it hurts, has he apologized for it ?

no he never says sorry for what he says. half the time he doesnt even remember what hurtful things he's said.

Then his mind is probably in turmoil over something and he cannot think straight. In all honesty, I think that you should mention seeing a doctor. He can't go on living like this, and neither can you.

Kevin

I want him to go talk to a doctor so bad, but he won't. He told me that I'm the one that needs to see a doctor(yeah so I can deal with the bull**** he put me through). But he told me one that he tried a while back and it didn't help. I think he went for his anger problems. I'm sure back then he didn't think it would eventually turn into abuse.

reneex061,

You are a convenient target for your boyfriend; if it wasn't you, it would be someone or something else.

Abusers are very seldom easily motivated to change their behavior and generally it tends to get worse rather than better.

If he doesn't see his anger as an issue that needs improvement, you probably won't convince him to the contrary. Please think of yourself in this situation and take care of yourself first.

Best,

What bereft has said is very true and wise but, reneex061, I am just wondering: Are there times when you and your boyfriend get on well together? I am assuming of course that there are, otherwise, I don't think you'd be together still.

He probably did go to a doctor before but, if it didn't help him, then he probably went with completely the wrong attitude. Too many people go to a doctor with the belief that they know their illness better than they do themselves (which is usually wrong). As such, whatever help the doctor offers is uaually turned down.

Look, I was an extraordinarily angry person when my world was collapsing about 5 years ago. I went to the doctor though, was prescribed an anti-depressant, and I have never looked back since that day. I really believe that - in this case - medication could help him. Would he take it though... ...

Kevin

We do have good times together and whenever he isn't mad we get along great. We make each other smile and laugh. but as of right now we're not together; were taking a break from each other. I needed time to figure out what I really want and same with him. It's been about two weeks.

I don't think he would go and see a doctor again. I really want him to do something that'll help. He destroys me. Did I mention he's verbally abusive? =[ That is the root to our problems.

You never specifically mentioned that he is verbally abusive, but I did get the idea that he is. Look at the words you're using here though: He's 'destroying' you; he 'hates' you; etc. This is serious stuff, and you don't have to put up with it.

Look, you're on a break now, so, maybe this break should last until he agrees to go to a doctor and to actively take-part in the healing process offered by that doctor. What do you think? If you offer him this ultimatum, he will not like the feeling of being trapped but, then again, you don't like it when h abuses you. It's time to show that you are not one to be messed around with.

Kevin