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Hey, reneex061! Welcome to the forum. It might be different for every person, but I think many abusers can't feel guilt like we do and they still blame the victim. What's going on?

reneex061,

I agree with jasmine; in most cases abusers do not have the conscience to feel remorse. They are much better at manipulation and diverting the fault to the victim.

Best,

Most people feel good afterwords. Good people feel bad afterwords.

Abusers feel RELIEF until next time the anger builds up and needs an outlet (which is you!). Ever noticed how it's a cycle?? It can be likened to a pressure cooker....either he takes it off the stove top (meaning "deals with it" constructively) OR he continues to let it cook and there's an explosion (what you experience)! Remorse?? NO! He might say sorry, but that's just an empty word....doing something about it is the true indicator of his regret!

Umm I dont know. I really doubt that all abusers don't have a conscience. I know my mother does have a huge one and is a very good person. It depends on types of abuse and the reasons behind it. The relief described above my post may be true, following sometimes by guilt, until it happens again in the cycle.

In fact they are just human being, abuser's like to use verbal and harsh language.Believe me this people is having low self esteem or bad experience when they were kids till grown up.They will felt empty and dry after abusing people.That's how they feel.

I think it depends on the type of abuser. I mean, serial rapists and killers usually feel the relief the one person mentioned...or maybe like a release like when you let your feelings build up and then finally scream or cry.
A lot of abusers are alcoholics or users and honestly are not able to understand reality. Some sober abusers are also unable to understand because they are mentally ill. And then there are the more run of the mill ones that have anger management and/or coping problems and don't know they are causing so much pain. I think a lot of verbal abusers are like that. They have no understanding of the impact they are making and they feel bad at first and then maybe over time they rationalize it to themself so they don't feel bad so that when you confront them they have a laundry list of excuses.

Maybe the saddest group is the child abusers...not abusers of children but the children that abuse others. I think a lot of people being abused as kids emulated the same types of behavior towards other kids. I did in some ways and I didn't know it was wrong then so I didn't think about it at all but now that I am seeing what was done to me I am horrified at the things I did.

a good book on that is Evil: Inside Human Violence and Cruelty by Roy Baumeister

bereft wrote:reneex061,

I agree with jasmine; in most cases abusers do not have the conscience to feel remorse. They are much better at manipulation and diverting the fault to the victim.

Best,

They dont even have any awareness of what they are really doing.. thats why they do it. When you hear the icd-10 profile for a psychopathic disorder it fits perfectly. They have had irregular lives and childhoods and dont know what other people feel.. all they know is they are suffering. As for my dad he thought he was the only one suffering and that no one cared, therefore they should be punished/hated.. when in reality almost all the time he had it easier than most people.. he didnt know how much people go through. He was always crazy wanting to hurt people.. He never had an afterwards.. just intermissions between. There was no recessions. Thats why the absolute best answer is to get out of there.. purge them and dont look back.. there is no in-between.