Emotionally abusive mother

Hey, it's me again

Things between my mother and I have not gotten better.

The posters here have given excellent advice, by saying I should restate that I am an "adult and can take good care of my adult"

it doesn't work with my mom. It agitates her, it can even infuriate her and she'll retort and say "You are acting like a child" and she'll strike me with her hand or an object

My mother is physically abusive and has anger issues. Recently, I had gotten a student refund check from my school, and did not tell my mother about the money because I did not want her controlling what I do with it (she tries to control every aspect of my life) and she asked me for something, and as I reached in my purse a $20 slipped out.

She asked me where the money came from and I lied and said I had it stashed away for awhile.

She sat there in silence for a minute, got very angry and attacked me. She accused me of hiding money from her and said that I was a conniving bitch. She grabbed the hair brush on my dresser and began to repeatedly assault me with it.

When I raised my hand up to defend myself from her attacks, it made her even angry and she said "bitch I will kill you" or something like that.

She was angry and took all of my clothes in my closet and threw them on the bed telling me to get the hell out of her house. All because I have some money that I did not tell her about.

She later cooled down and started acting nice to me, but this type of behavior happens and its spontaenous. Sometmes weeks can go by and everything is fine then she gets in a mood where she feels like picking with me and blow ups like this happen

When I get student refend checks from school, I try my hardest to hide them because she tries to demand a certain amount that she thinks she deserves without ASKING for an amount. Then she becomes very controlling tellin gme what to do with the money and if I don't do it she became abusive and threatens me

I have become very angry that she is able to control my life like that. I wish I had some place to go

Just recently, she became angry because I did not go to the Health department for health insurance. Frankly, I did not feel like going. It's crowded and you have to wait there for hours on end. I'll go on my own time. When I told her I didn't go, she got very angry with me, and said that she will DROP ME OFF, at the health department so I can try to get medicaid.

This is not appropriate behavior for an adult woman like me. I have my OWN CAR, and I do not need her dropping me off at all. And if I don't go tomorrow, she will go into a rage and probbly start to smack me and hit on me and just make my life a miserable hell

This is the wrong way to treat any one, Danity. Can you come up with a plan to get out of there? Maybe you can talk to a friend who'd be willing to be your room mate if you moved out and found a job to have enough money for rent. You're right, this is no way to be treated and you shouldn't have to go through this. Have you ever tried to go to the police and tell them about what she does?

Hi, VerminJerky! Sorry I didn't see your post earlier. You can start your own thread if you like, and tell us about your story.

The first thing to do, is forget about your mother.. Purge her. Move far away and dont ever look back, NO CONTACT. Your mother is heartless and has no compassion, you just like the rest of us are nothing but a circumstance in their life.. they have no real love for you. They just use you up and spit you out. That has to be realised strongly.. thouroughly.

Stay in nurseing school, it might look bad now and like it would be alot easier to just ease back into the slump they have provided you. DONT DO IT. Its a horrible mistake that you wont recover from. You will only go downhill. Do whatever you can to purge all their crap from your life and never contact them again. Heal from their crap. Its not easy but important. Then straighten your life out and live a normal life. I know its harder than just that but it is possible to purge them.

i really sympathise. it must be especially hard if there is no-one else in the house to 'draw her fire' every now and then.

a great book is 'Toxic Parents' by susan forward. you will feel so much empathy with the people who share their stories there.

To all of you who have had to live with this and go each day dragging the chains, you are so not alone and bless you all. I am yet another soul who has endured a life long struggle with a parent,my mother, who still to this day continues her efforts to destroy every shred of self dignity and esteem in me. I do not see her much because of my need for self preservation and I do not allow her to see her grand children since an incident at her house and the e-mail to me that my son, who was 5 at the time, was no longer allowed in her home until he apologised to her for talking to much and being rude. With my dad gone when I was very young, my mother remarried for money and was also abusive to his son which went undiscovered as well and he and i have not seen each other in decades and we both have gone through multible divorces. Its hard to blend in with society at times and always hard to form relationships with other people or keep a job in todays economy. God bless you all and forgive my spelling

I am 29 years old and through bad choices I have made over the years, I now find myself back at my parents' house, looking for a job and in debt.

I have begun to get my life back in order and part of this process involves emotional growth. And I've just begun to realise that my mother is emotionally, verbally and at times physically abusive.

Are there support groups in Cape Town, South Africa? I need help to get through this. I don't know when I will finally be able to get out of this house. Until then, I need help. Please.

Hi, devorah! I'm sorry your mother is abusive. Please talk here, start a thread and/or talk to others. I don't know if you'll be able to find any information about where support groups are, here.
You're on the right track, you know where you stand and the fact that you're being abused.

My mom was mildly abusive only because she neglected me in highschool and paid absolutely no attention to me even when I sobbed every night. Oh well.. no I am in an abusive relationship. I love him with all my heart but he is controlling. I just want him to be happy. He knows this. He doesn't mean to hurt me, but he does. I love him.

qnsgal97 wrote:Our fights are slowly starting to become physical, recently I engaged in an argument with her where I needed to defend myself and she pushed me to the floor. I had to go to work with scratches on my neck and a lower back pain.

Why have you not photographed the scratches and gone to the police about this. Parent or no, if my verbally abusive mother escalated to physical abuse, she knows for a fact that I would be headed for the police with evidence. You need to have her arrested. You don't need to put up with that kind of physical abuse; nor should you have to contend with the verbal abuse, but physical abuse is easier to get the authorities to do something about it.

Just know you aren't alone.
Some of the things you said in your initial post could have been lifted right out of my journal.
Through middle school and highschool I was called a scumbag when I didn't shower/wash my hair for a day or didn't brush my teeth in the morning (because I didn't have time)
I was constantly pushed by my mother to wear makeup, color my hair, wear girly clothes (had my hair bleached since I was 8 years old and finally asked her to stop for good when I was 12.) I wore makeup in middle school and through high school before I realized that I didn't actually need it. Once my parents said my attitude was horrible and my mother scrubbed my face with a dirty kitchen sponge as punishment before school. My mother also would get irritated with brushing my hair easily. Once in middle school I must have set her off because she dug the brush so hard into my scalp that I bled.

Every day my parents said I had a horrible personality, and would always say I had no true friends and would never be able to because someday, everyone would know about my horrible attitude and lack of social skills. When I started dating my now husband, they told me that he would also grow to hate me, like everyone would. (This of course implies that they hated me.) They would criticize all of my friends, calling them fat, ugly, socially inept, untalented, etc.
They constantly berated me for being "rude" to them....well if someone constantly talked $#%^ about you in front of you would you be nice to them? and for staying in my room on the computer or watching Japanese anime....I went to college and studied Japanese (at their recommendation) and up until the day I left they would constantly tell me that I would never succeed in college because I listen to Japanese music and watch Japanese anime. (and then proceeded to brag to all their friends when I tested into an accelerated class, skipped another year of classes by testing into the top-level class in my third year, all things that can be credited to my immersion in the language that they ridiculed)

Except different to your situation, I'm 25 and its seemed to have gotten better. Plus I'm with my husband, who is still kind of an "outsider" so she has seemed to back off me (and there's really not much room to criticize him, he's sweet, polite, and is doing damn good for just coming to the USA and not being able to speak English.), and does her temper tantrums when my father is there to (not) listen.

Ugh, another long-winded post...I'm not used to venting in a forum where other people know where I'm coming from yet! Sorry!