Verbal abuse just as damaging as physical

nonentity, i know how you feel. my dad was like that. i cut myself, tried to kill myself, had panic attacks, breakdowns, spell in hospital.

i was sexually abused outside of my family, but that didn't hurt me nearly as much as the emotional abuse from my dad. maybe because he was my dad and supposed to love me? i don' know why it hurt. but it did.

and i still struggle to believe i have the right to feel this pain. right now, i'm

MelonBall wrote:so its OK for me to say it was wrong and that i asn't at fault?

It's not only just OK, it's the right thing!

Yes absolutely you are right.

Mankind is able to heal that wound when they are grown up by sword or some danger weapon. I can understand your pain.
Just try to comeout from this with determined mind. Cause your surroundings is saying that you need positive attitude to tackle them. Just ask for help nearby you.

God bless you and hope he will help you a lot.

MelonBall wrote:i had a verbally ane emotionally abusive father. my mum said to me that he didn't harm me physically (although he threatened us all) and what i went through isn't that bad.

is she right?

NO she is just battered by it, doesnt know how to handle it so she agrees with it to minimize it. read this: http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/abus ... _abuse.htm
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domesti ... ffects.htm

I agree that verbal abuse is worse than physical.. it comes from the same thing its just deeper.. its more conived, twisted, psychopathic, burried deep down at the root of the persons soul where they can tear you to shreds take away all your energy and put you in the ground in years. Every time you get abused like that you have to do something damaging to you.. whats the difference? It all comes around to the same end. I would rather have been beaten every day.. at least that way i could show someone and they see it.. there is no real way to explain to normal people what has happened to me because it is so complex and twisted that it would take a novel.. its hidden thats the worst part of it.

DT wrote:Unlike WiseGuy, I believe the opposite happended to me. I remember a time when I used to be a confident, outgoing, and friendly person. Going through the verbal and psychological abuse really beat me down (inside) and warped my personality.

Made me: insecure, self-conscious, angry, defensive, self-conscious, suspicious, harder...

Ah it's just like me. Did you ever come out of this and go back to being your friendly outgoing self? I need to figure out how to do this but I don't know how

I don't want to have a "broken spirit" forever like the OP

Im sorry but I happen to believe in a thing called the freedom of speech. It is your step fathers right to say as he pleases to you even if it caused you emotional distress.

To even compare psychical abuse to emotional abuse is horrible and you should be ashamed. Physical abuse is the failing of the perpetrator, emotional abuse is the failing of the perpetrator and the so called victim. A weak mind and sensitive feelings are a recipe for worthlessness.

MrBuddy wrote:Im sorry but I happen to believe in a thing called the freedom of speech. It is your step fathers right to say as he pleases to you even if it caused you emotional distress.

To even compare psychical abuse to emotional abuse is horrible and you should be ashamed. Physical abuse is the failing of the perpetrator, emotional abuse is the failing of the perpetrator and the so called victim. A weak mind and sensitive feelings are a recipe for worthlessness.

Actually, it's illegal if the words that come out of his mouth is abusive and harmful to the individual.

this is probably one of those times where the mods should take action

Odditys wrote:this is probably one of those times where the mods should take action

It's been taken care of, he's been reported and banned from the site.

Butterfly Faerie wrote:

Odditys wrote:this is probably one of those times where the mods should take action

It's been taken care of, he's been reported and banned from the site.

Good. To call a child "a weak mind...worthless" or whatever that person wrote, is sociopathic and very sad. All children are vulnerable and crave love; it's the human condition. All people crave love, but a child cannot be "weak" - children are made to be molded by their experiences. They are not born as adults, and should not be expected to be able to protect themselves. We are supposed to protect them. That's nature.

To punish me if I acted up at the dinner table from ages 5-11 (until we moved into a different house), my parents used to lock me in our small, dark, unfinished basement that had spiders in it. (and I'm a girl!). If I ever turned the light on, they would open the door, push me back down the stairs with a contemptuous look on their face, turn the light off and close the door again. I knew I wasn't allowed to open it, or they do this same thing, so I didn't bother to. I had to wait until they were all finished eating, which could take an hour. I grew up believing I deserved to be treated like this, worse than most people would treat a dog. Only at 33 did I finally confront them about this and told my father it was wrong of them and I didn't deserve it. He got defensive and sarcastic, said I was a bad kid and deserved it. Well, that's his problem for still being a child abuser. I'm not the abuser; they are.

I do worry that part of me still thinks I deserved it, though. I still think it's normal; I grew up believing it was normal, and never talking about it. I don't have kids; I'm afraid if I did, I would do this to them, and tell them I wish they'd never been born, like my mom used to tell me.

So good for me; I'm ending this cycle by not having kids. I'm doing something good. Right?