is this abuse? i feel like i'm losing my mind

i have been going through a lot the past few months i feel so lost. i am in a relationship with someone for over a year now and i dont know what to think anymore

i dont know how to put this so i guess i will make a list for now

- first thing is when i disagree with them they shut down and get mad at me and hold me at an emotional distance until i give in and give them what they want or end up sucking back up to them

- they make me feel guilty in every way they can at any moment i disagree with them on anything, making me feel anything that happens is my fault or that i'm bad for having my own wishes, thoughts, opinions, friends, or outside life without them

- blame me for not communicating but acting out when i do

- blame me for their friends leaving them because of the way that they treated me

- when i try to tell them they did anything wrong they turn it on me or tell me im psychotic and need to take meds / be hospitalized (at an extreme point)

- have locked me out of the house and blocked the door when answering because i couldnt help them with a chore at the time and went outside

- convincing me or guilting me to spend all my money on them for things we dont need at all

- telling me that me thinking they are abusive is just because of psychosis, and telling everyone i try to reach out to the same thing instead of discussing what went wrong at all

- told me ways they wanted to physically harm me

- acting like i traumatized them for reaching out to others about the way that they treat me

i can detail some of these more if needed
i just want to understand what is going on

Why are you in that relationship at all?
that is obviously abusive.

birdsong87 wrote:Why are you in that relationship at all?
that is obviously abusive.

i have been trying to get out of the relationship for months but they wont listen, end up manipulating and gaslighting me into the relationship with tons of guilt and making me feel like i am the bad one for wanting to leave.

note: we currently live together and i am in a place far away and isolated from all my friends and family.

You have not said male/female, female /female or male/male, the big one if male/female, make damm sure your contraception is working.

Next step is plan to leave. You are seeking ways to make it better. It does not.

Leaving will hurt, and maybe hurt for quite a while. I think staying will hurt a lot more, and you will start to accumulate damage. No one likes a new " someone" , who is so traumatised they can only talk about their Ex.

If you think you can't leave, talk to us. We have seen this before and will lead you through the steps.

I agree with every. single. thing. that Terry said.

It won't get better. Don't stick around long enough to have kids with this person. And if you already have some, then be very very careful.

Start a journal. If you feel comfortable with therapy, then that's an option. I personally haven't had good experiences with them, but I know people who have.

Staying will not make it better. Make a plan to leave, then make a backup plan. Then make another backup plan. Tell someone you trust what is going on. You don't necessarily have to give them all the gritty details, but it's good to have another human on the planet who has feet on the ground and can come help you if needed. There are domestic violence organizations you can reach out to if you don't have anyone in your life. You can call and just ask about what resources would be available to you in the event that you needed help. You don't have to give your real name or anything, and it helps to know what is in your area just in case you ever need it. These situations are rarely as predictable and easy to plan as we would like. Then follow through with setting healthy boundaries.

I have a friend of mine who is 72 and his wife is 57 and they have been married for 15 years. They met on the internet. She is from South America and he is from the USA. She physically and mentally abuses him and he is afraid to leave as he is afraid of being alone, so he puts up with all kinds of garbage. The fear of being alone can outweigh any form of abuse.

hi, i havent come to update this thread in a while but i would like to say that i got away. i have had a bumpy road since then but i am ok and have been getting better. kicked my drinking habit. everything has been looking up so far and cut ties

psychedelic wrote:hi, i havent come to update this thread in a while but i would like to say that i got away. i have had a bumpy road since then but i am ok and have been getting better. kicked my drinking habit. everything has been looking up so far and cut ties

Wow that all sounds like a really great improvement in your situation! Glad to hear.

Thank you so much for the update. glad to hear you are heading in the right direction