20/20 Hindsight on the warning signs...

These are the warning signs that I ignored. I'm a male. Judge me as a bitch for taking the domestic violence, I never laid a hand on her in return. I. Am. The. Man. And I am not going to let this make me feel like $#%^ anymore. I hope it inspires you to pay some attention.

She's been unstable our whole relationship. I was desperate for love and affection because I isolated myself from people for three years before I met her. When she started to give me attention, I would ignore the outbursts. She told me she was bipolar. I knew that came with its ups and downs and she was amazing, so of course I still wanted to be with her. There were so many times that I should have left. The first time she threw a fan at me. The first time she invited a stranger to live with us and (son) . The first time she locked me out of the house so she could get drunk with her previous stranger friend. The first time she got so drunk, she got fired from her job because she was late. She ran off to Walmart with an ex at 3am after she'd been home drinking. The second time she invited a stranger to live with us and (son). The ultimatum to have (daughter) or lose her and (son). The first time she grabbed me and ripped my shirt. The first time she slapped me. The first time she punched me. The first time she fell asleep and (daughter) rolled off the bed. The second time she fell asleep and (daughter) rolled off the bed. The first time she was drunk and took the kids to her best friend's house. The first time she choked me. The first time she accused me of raping her and saying her uncle was going to kill me. The second time, after she was so drunk and wet and I had a night boner and she just slid down it. I was asleep and she's heavy. The first time she cheated on me.

I'm crying like a bitch and I'm not ashamed of it. Everything will be okay. I can do this.