Is my dad emotionally abusive?

Hi, first post here on psych forums, just registered today.

So my dad is always yelling or pushing, in a way that declares he's right. I'm not sure if he's a narcissist, but he's kind of like one. Most of the time he's wrong (I'm not sure common sense ever met him, tbh) and makes stupid statements, then defends them even after we have solid evidence he's wrong. He's always a tyrant of the household, and I think he's gaslighting my family. My mom jokingly questions her sanity, but I'm not sure if it's a joke anymore. My dad is always rubbing the fact that my mom didn't finish college in her face because she had me - so my mom can't get a good job to support her and her kids without my dad's help. This way, Mom is financially dependent on Dad, so she can't get away from his abusiveness without going through a heck of a lot of divorce work or whatever.

TL;DR - my dad is probs emotionally abusive to our family, by gaslighting or narcissism. Mom is financially dependent on him, can't up and leave.

Any advice on how to peacefully but effectively handle my dad's emotional abuse?

Okay, sorry about your home life, but glad you found us here.

Unfortunately what you described is not that uncommon. In fact it sounds exactly like my wife's family except that instead of the not finish college, he moved her away from her family to stop her having support.

I have not got much for you. It is kind of coping, strategies rather than fixing things. I think what I saw form my wife is how important support can be for the rest of the family. Each of you may develop different strategies to cope, but try to let your mum know how much you care.

Keep yourself focused. Finish school, do as well as you can. We cannot fix crappy childhoods but we can do our best to have good lives.

Okay, thanks for the advice. I'm hoping to get a really great job so I can make my mom proud and happy and give her a better life than the last 15 years.

Hi,
I felt compelled to reply to you because my children were the ones who encouraged me to get out of my marriage to an emotionally and verbally abusive husband, and it sounds as if you are very concerned for your mom too. My girls are 19 and 20 now, and as they were leaving for college they urged me to leave the marriage. I had the exact same concerns about supporting myself. I assumed I couldn't make it on my own. Many women who fear that they can't be independent do become VERY independent. I don't have a college degree either, by the way.
I look at it this way, anything is better than abuse. Anything. No matter what your mom's struggles would be, they will probably pale in comparison to abuse. She would have peace without the abuse, but with it she will never have peace. That type of stress is hard on our hearts and our bodies.
Gaslighting is a very serious form of psychological abuse. It's no joke. Watch the movie called "Gaslight". When I watched that movie I felt like I was watching my own life. Gaslighting will, over time, erode your sanity. Through gaslighting, the abuser literally takes over your mind. It's scary.
The best advice I have for you (and your mom) is to learn as much as you can about the dynamics of abuse, control, and narcissism, and then try to apply coping skills until you can all be free of it. Educating yourself on the psychology of it all enables you to realize that it is NOT YOU. You're fine-it is the abuser who is damaged. It is their dysfunction-not yours or your mom's. They say knowledge is power and it truly is. Understanding what you're dealing with helps you stay strong and resilient.
You're very wise for your age-wise beyond your years. Best of luck to you and your mom. I'll pray for you both.

My story is very long and it is complicated so I will only share parts of it. I was abused emotionally and verbally and sometimes physically by my mom. She would slap me over and over and I would get a nose bleed. She would hit me even though I was a teen and was a good person. I've been in therapy 5+ years and it still is like being "brainwashed" into thinking you are a bad person. It doesn't go away, it seems, at least not for me. I have to really enter a self-analyzing way of thinking that gets me to see that I am a good person. Well, abuse comes in different forms, but abuse is abuse no matter who it is to or how it is done, it's still abuse. I do have bipolar and maybe I was manic (I really think I was) and I ran away from home. I moved to another state with family and eventually got into a fight with an aunt and was being difficult and I was going to be sent back to my mom. Well, I went and lived in the streets for 2 days and then found a shelter and lived there for about 3 months. I was very depressed because I had come down from my high of mania. And reality set in. So it's two things taking place. I eventually worked and moved in with a lady and her kids that I had befriended and paid my share of the rent. I was free and if I hadn't been so depressed I might have enjoyed the feeling of being free of so much abuse in my daily life. Point of the story is that your mom can make it on her own. It is definitely scary and a risk, no doubt about that. And she may not have the courage to make that change, but I believe that it is possible and it can definitely have a good outcome. I know I was homeless and I was alone and it was hard but I was amazed at how strong I had become mentally. I knew that I didn't ever have to put up with abuse. I was 18 years of age and eventually I did join the military and moved away from that life. I was independent and I still am.

You can help by being there for your mom in a quiet and gentle way letting her know that you love her and that you value her. As a mother, my kid's love bring me so much joy and so much hope for the future in how I perceive life to be. To look toward a tomorrow of their happiness and being there for them too. Just remember that to a mom, her children's happiness means so much to her.