Am i being abused??

First off im male ,34 married for 9 years with young kids. Home owner etc..

Secondly i dont want to paint my wife in a bad light shes hard working and caring towards the kids.

Why am i here? well im not happy .I love the kids and family life . I work hard and bring home a good(ish) wage. I know its traditional for men to be abusive so feel free to flame me and point out my downfalls as do feel silly even typing this.

99% of my waking days is trying to avoid being in trouble and working hard to say sorry for my mistakes.
I dont know how to word this post so just going to give a snap shot of past few days which basicly is like every day without fail.

My goal every day ( and im going to sound so stupid now) is to get a cuddle warm kiss and a warm smile. I would get this at the start of the marriage and its what drives me forward every day. I work , be a good father , all with the intent of making a hugh and kiss that bit more likely.
What use to be a daily thing is now perhaps once every 3 months. Sex every 1-2 months. (in sex hugs kisses not allowed which is a shame but I can accept this)
Not that it matters how frequent I don’t know why im dwelling on that ? !
Anyway some examples, Saturday cleaned house done washing when wife was at work for a few hours, Washed dishes but forgot a cup in the bedroom. Punishment ( perhaps the wrong word) . is a statement to me along the lines of “I have worked hard all day and you cannot be bothered to check the bedroom for mugs. You will never change, Im so angry and let down. Just give me space and I wont expect you to wash up ever again. Please don’t talk to me tonight “ .. This is typical. The mistake I always fall into after a couple of hours later is to try and talk which always results in me being told how frustrating I am, and the spare bedding thrown down so I can sleep on the setee.
Basically I almost see it like a game. I have to reach the high score ticking all the boxes avoiding upsetting my wife all day and If im lucky I get 10 mins of pure bliss where I feel warm loved with smiles sometimes a kiss and a cuddle. It makes the pain and loneliness worth wile.
Now I have tried to talk about it but last time that resulted In me 2 months on setee.
I don’t know what im doing or what to do . Just love my kids and don’t want to feel lonely anymore. If I should just accept no affection please say and any advise on how to not think about it. If I had my way I would be holding hands, kiss every day , warm hugs, warm smiles. But I know im being unreasonable .

First of all - if you get flamed here then please click to report the post and we'll get that sorted out for you..
It's almost guaranteed that you won't get anything like that happen to you here though.. we're very used to males wandering in and we've got a fair few (and very lovely) male regulars around as well (:

Secondly.. you're absolutely being emotionally abused - being ignored and made to jump through higher and higher hoops like that is horrible..

would she go to marriage counselling with you and is that something that you'd consider at all?
a marriage is meant to be a partnership - not somewhere that you feel lonelier than if you were single.. and the situation really isn't fair on you at all.

How is she with the kids?

shes ace with the kids be it a bit hard at times. Already asked about the counseling and think there is more chance of North Korea opening a MacDonald's staffed exclusively by transsexual African Americans.

I have alot of respect for people in this situation . I dont see leaving as a valid option as unfair to the children and she said she wants me to stay ( not sure again if thats for the children). I also dont want to paint anyone to sound like a monster.

I do often wonder my expectation of a relationship filled full of smiles and love is something few cherish when they have it and many ache for when they don't.

Story familiar. My father was CFO of a very large multinational. At home she drove him into the ground. When I was older hard to watch. Then I would go into his office and see how people would rely on him so much.

She picked you specially. She needs to be in charge. She has issues. I have to say I am wondering about her childhood. Does she earn more than you. Is this an issue.

What do you do with your kids in their spare time ??

I think you need to find some growth outside the husband / wife thing. The more she chokes you down the normal reaction is the more you need her or you just leave. She is very important to you, I would look for some joy outside the marriage.

and I respect you enormously for hanging around for the kids. I really do.