Suggestions, please. (Waaay long start)

Heyo,
New user, first post.
So, I'm currently having relationship issues with my mother, who I believe is a verbal abuser. First, a little background: My father and her are going through the process of divorce, and I live with my dad; but my mother has wanted me to call her at least once a week, but I haven't been calling her because
I don't want to, because she spent the 17 years that my dad and I did live with her yelling at me and telling me how I "never helped her around the house," "I was never home when she needed me," and right before I moved out, "Whispering about her behind her back." I did everything she ever wanted me to do to help and more, and I never got any appreciation for it. I also got a stomach ulcer when I was around 10, and the doctor diagnosed the cause as stress. I believe it, because I lived in constant fear of my mother and what she would yell at me next, and whenever I was served a meal at home, I would think about all of these things, start to cry, then go vomit. It was horrible. I would cry randomly when I in middle school, because I was afraid of what I would be accused of doing wrong when I got home. I also remember her trying to get blackheads out from under my nose with a sewing needle she put under a flame.. that was bad. And when the first time I told her I hated her, she said “Well, I hate you too! How does that feel?” She was always telling me what I had done wrong, or I had forgot. It was never enough. When my mother and I moved out of the house with my dad and into a new apartment, I thought things would be different. But soon, she was back to yelling at me that I wasn't home enough (I wouldn't be gone for more than 2 hours out of every day), and that when I told her that I didn't like her negative comments, she would tell me "Why don't you just go live with your dad then?!" She always yelled whenever it wasn't her way.
But now that’s all over. She lives in her own apartment across town, and I would come to visit her every weekend, but she would always tell me what I hadn’t done, and why did I come at all if I didn’t want to be with her? And I tried spending a holiday with her—Thanksgiving—but she exploded there, too, called me a materialistic bitch in front of my aunt. I went home early, needless to say. And if I don’t call her for a week or so, she leaves me a nasty message about how I’m abandoning her.

Now that you’ve heard my story: What should I do? Should I call her? Or should I break off my ties? She only causes me stress and anxiety, and I feel better when I don’t talk to her at all..

I can relate to most of what you've said. Though it's applied in different part's to both parents.

People have kid's and become parents. But not everybody should be or is equiped to be a parent. Guilting, insulting, scrutinizing, conditioning or threatning your offspring isnt parenting. It's psychological and verbal abuse....the latter of which i'd agree your mother is doing. But i also know people can say bad $#%^ they dont mean, or they can say bad $#%^ because they cant voice how they really feel. Look up BPD.

I'm taking a guess but did you have alot of responsibilities put on you at a young age. And nothing was good enough for your mother, lots criticizing. And you could never reach her expectations?.

I feel you with the sowing needles. I think that's an old school thing. For me it was hot oil in the ear's for ear aches. I'm 50% def in my left ear and 25% in my right from scarring on the eardrum. As is my mother even more so as her mother did the same. Ignorance isnt always bliss. And i'd suspect your mother probably had the same treatment she gave you.

The bottom line is that it's your mom and your life. If having a relationship with her is something you want then make the weekly call. If not then dont. But if you do i'd be adult about it, approch her, voice how you feel and the way she makes you feel and tell her to stop with the screaming and insult's or your relationship cant continue.

Thank you so much for your advice. My dad has been very supportive of me and whatever I decide, so that makes it easier, to at least have one parent who's always there.
Yeah, I did have a lot of responsibilities, and nothing was ever good enough. I went to a clinical psychologist and asked for their advice too, and they also gave me a little advice, but as everyone always says, it really is my decision. As bad as it sounds, I honestly am happier without talking to her, but I should probably call her and tell her that we need to not talk for a few months, and when I do want to talk, I'll be the one to make the call, and that she has to respect my decision.
I forgot to say that I also did try and politely but firmly ask her that if she wanted to have conversations with me, she would have to stop with the screaming and insults. She would then leave me a nasty message, and then a few days later, be all sweet and wanting to talk to me again. I feel bad when I don't respond to her after she's been nice and trying to call me every day for a couple of weeks; but when I don't respond, she goes back to being angry.

But I will try and tell her that she needs to change to her attitude and keep it that way before we can start to talk. Thanks again for the help. :]

Anytime